On Monday we sat down as a family with doctors and medical staff to discuss "Where do we go from here"? Originally the purpose of the meeting was to collaborate and agree on a lang term care facility to place Marilyn in. The topic of discussion however, took on a different focus due to the deterioration in Marilyn's condition. When only 4 days before we could still converse, now Marilyn could hardly open her eyelids.
The discussion was now concerned with Marilyn's current condition and what was being done and what should be done. Doctors are going to try to reverse the current trend by decreasing narcotics and stabilize her chemical makeup through IV. New concerns have arisen with the possibility of pneumonia entering her lungs. Antibiotics have been started to counteract this possibility along with an effort to reduce the risk of more urinary infections. And of course the general consensus is that marilyn is ino condition to be moved at the moment.
The bottom line remains that Marilyn remains sicker that she has ever been in her life. All is quiet around her bedside with only hushed whispers and her heavy breathing. My heart aches to speak with her and to hear her familiar voice responding. Everyone asks "How are you doing Bryon"? On the outside I remain strong knowing full well that Marilyn is coming near to the end of a victorious race. The finish line beginning to focus on the not so distant horizon. Inside, my heart aches with the thought of letting my sweetheart cross over. I know she has a mansion prepared for her that is filled with others waiting to welcome her into their arms with Jesus standing by to wipe her tears and restore her body whole again. I want the best for her. Nothing more, nothing less.
For me it is hard. Hard to know where to turn, what to think, how to react. It is Tuesday morning September 16 2008 10 AM. My mind is numb. The picture of Marilyn is etched in my brain, so weak and fragile. I know where she is headed is a far better place but still I want more time. Is that selfish of me? I don't know but I will pray for this and leave the rest in Gods hands.
Bryon
Showing posts with label Battles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Battles. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
The Battle Continues
I am sitting at my desk during one of the few short breaks in my busy school day so can't take much time for writing, I do need to say however that the last few days have been very difficult as Doctors and nurses try unsuccessfully to unscramble the reasons for Marilyn's recent downturn. Her blood count has dropped in all areas, she has become almost totally immobile, her blood sugar levels are spiking and she is in a state of confusion and delirium.
Today will be the 3rd out of 5 radiation treatments and perhaps the side effects of this powerful treatment that is causing Marilyn so many problems. Thankfully there has been a familiar face in the room with her as she has had to endure each trip to and from the appointments. Each day though, she has been less responsive and understanding of what is taking place in her life.
Thank you for the many prayers and words of encouragement I have both heard and read during this difficult time. We are still holding on to God as our comfort and strength.
Love
Bryon
Today will be the 3rd out of 5 radiation treatments and perhaps the side effects of this powerful treatment that is causing Marilyn so many problems. Thankfully there has been a familiar face in the room with her as she has had to endure each trip to and from the appointments. Each day though, she has been less responsive and understanding of what is taking place in her life.
Thank you for the many prayers and words of encouragement I have both heard and read during this difficult time. We are still holding on to God as our comfort and strength.
Love
Bryon
Sunday, August 31, 2008
A really long weekend
The phone rang early this morning and Marilyn shaky voice was telling me of her intense pain and of how frightened she was. This was the beginning to one of the hardest days of my life. Most of the day was spent doing what I could to sooth Marilyn's pain simply sitting by her side and praying while softly rubbing her back.
Today fell on the heels of probably one of the more upsetting days I have lived through. After rushing though some needed yard work I sped off to the hospital, upset I wasn't getting there sooner. Thankfully, my guardian angel was keeping a close watch as I drove because I know I wasn't. At one point in the 30 minute cross city traverse I came inches from a nasty accident that would have been my fault. From that point on I made a conscious effort to not end up as another traffic statistic. I am afraid that my Hospital visit wasn't much more successful than my trip over because my frayed emotions took over as I vented my frustrations on the nurses and family.
When a doctor finally arrived late this afternoon we were informed of some quite grave concerns that have now shown up in regular blood testing. In spite of her recent blood transfusion, Marilyn's blood count is still on a downward plunge with no apparent reason. A close watch has been ordered and more tests may be on the way to determine whether or not there is any internal bleeding going on. Marilyn is obviously not fairing well through all of this and needs your prayers more than ever.
The day ended with more phone calls from Marilyn. Although now as well as the intense pain, Marilyn is suffering form extreme confusion. I am just praying that she won't carry through her latest threat of calling 911 to stop the nurses from force feeding her pills. I need some rest - it has been a hard day.
Bryon
Today fell on the heels of probably one of the more upsetting days I have lived through. After rushing though some needed yard work I sped off to the hospital, upset I wasn't getting there sooner. Thankfully, my guardian angel was keeping a close watch as I drove because I know I wasn't. At one point in the 30 minute cross city traverse I came inches from a nasty accident that would have been my fault. From that point on I made a conscious effort to not end up as another traffic statistic. I am afraid that my Hospital visit wasn't much more successful than my trip over because my frayed emotions took over as I vented my frustrations on the nurses and family.
When a doctor finally arrived late this afternoon we were informed of some quite grave concerns that have now shown up in regular blood testing. In spite of her recent blood transfusion, Marilyn's blood count is still on a downward plunge with no apparent reason. A close watch has been ordered and more tests may be on the way to determine whether or not there is any internal bleeding going on. Marilyn is obviously not fairing well through all of this and needs your prayers more than ever.
The day ended with more phone calls from Marilyn. Although now as well as the intense pain, Marilyn is suffering form extreme confusion. I am just praying that she won't carry through her latest threat of calling 911 to stop the nurses from force feeding her pills. I need some rest - it has been a hard day.
Bryon
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Coasting through the valley
The last 24 hours have continued to spiral downward for Marilyn, leaving me in a state of mental exhaustion. With school about to begin, I need to focus much of my energies towards preparation in readiness for opening day. Usually this is an exciting time anticipating another year with a new group of happy and excited children. I am looking forward to a new position, new responsibilities and an opportunity to let my creative juices flow. In some ways the diversion from constant concern over Marilyn's current state has been therapeutic, pumping me with with a few extra ounces of energy to face the next phase of events in Marilyn's hospital room. On the other hand, the human body and mind begins to slow to a grinding halt when the balance between rest and stress becomes weakened. I am welcoming the weekend with outstretched hands and very glad that it is a long weekend.
Over the past 3 days I have watched Marilyn go from her bubbly sweet disposition filled with mischievous jokes and chatter to a countenance of uncertainty, unable to understand her plight and condition. However, even through her pain she still manages to force a smile and bring the twinkle into her eye from time to time. These moments though, are becoming further and further apart.
Thankfully for me, and of course for Marilyn, many friends and family have been there with kind words and prayer. So far Marilyn has not had to travel the long trail to testing and treatment alone. Yesterday, when I thought she would have to make it all alone our daughter-in-law took time from her day to spend the morning at the bedside and throughout the treatment process. Later in the evening she returned with a friend for a second visit and an invitation to dinner for me. Earlier this week Marilyn's cousins, Virginia, and Judy arrived from out of town for a visit and another dinner invitation. On Thursday morning Ardith, another dear cousin and friend was there to support Marilyn as she started the latest treatment regime. Over the past few days several have left encouraging emails and messages. If it were not for the constant prayers and these gifts of love and encouragement, I would have come to an unceremonious and crashing defeat long ago. Marilyn, I am sure is feeling supported even though in these hard times doesn't have the strength to hardly acknowledge.
Here is an update on her current condition. When I left her room on Thursday evening, the pain had once again taken control, Nothing, medication, soothing cream, aroma therapy or even resting motionless seemed to help. I had to leave her with a prayer on my lips asking for some relief. A phone call to the nurse on duty Friday morning revealed that the night had been filled with even more suffering. I was able to only leave a message to inform her that Tracie would be coming up soon to be with her, hoping that this news would somehow give her spirit a ray of hope for the day. Tracie called after the treatment to report that she had managed with much assistance but felt that in spite of the difficult circumstance had been very brave through it all. When I arrived on the scene around 5 in the late afternoon, the nurses were elated that she had struggled through her pain and made a self powered trip to the bathroom on her good leg. During the course of the day Marilyn had lost a significant amount of blood and the doctor ordered 1 unit of a blood transfusion to be administered ASAP. Most of my visit was spent watching nurses flurry around the bed setting up the blood transfer and then constantly monitoring her vitals as the blood began to slowly drip through the IV. Marilyn gave a valiant effort to choke down a few bites of her dinner and then could only lie quietly, hoping that with new blood would come new energy.
For me, it is now Saturday morning with the whole weekend ahead. I have been able to rest well and pray that this new day will bring another upturn in Marilyn's roller-coaster ride of life.
Love and prayers
Bryon
Over the past 3 days I have watched Marilyn go from her bubbly sweet disposition filled with mischievous jokes and chatter to a countenance of uncertainty, unable to understand her plight and condition. However, even through her pain she still manages to force a smile and bring the twinkle into her eye from time to time. These moments though, are becoming further and further apart.
Thankfully for me, and of course for Marilyn, many friends and family have been there with kind words and prayer. So far Marilyn has not had to travel the long trail to testing and treatment alone. Yesterday, when I thought she would have to make it all alone our daughter-in-law took time from her day to spend the morning at the bedside and throughout the treatment process. Later in the evening she returned with a friend for a second visit and an invitation to dinner for me. Earlier this week Marilyn's cousins, Virginia, and Judy arrived from out of town for a visit and another dinner invitation. On Thursday morning Ardith, another dear cousin and friend was there to support Marilyn as she started the latest treatment regime. Over the past few days several have left encouraging emails and messages. If it were not for the constant prayers and these gifts of love and encouragement, I would have come to an unceremonious and crashing defeat long ago. Marilyn, I am sure is feeling supported even though in these hard times doesn't have the strength to hardly acknowledge.
Here is an update on her current condition. When I left her room on Thursday evening, the pain had once again taken control, Nothing, medication, soothing cream, aroma therapy or even resting motionless seemed to help. I had to leave her with a prayer on my lips asking for some relief. A phone call to the nurse on duty Friday morning revealed that the night had been filled with even more suffering. I was able to only leave a message to inform her that Tracie would be coming up soon to be with her, hoping that this news would somehow give her spirit a ray of hope for the day. Tracie called after the treatment to report that she had managed with much assistance but felt that in spite of the difficult circumstance had been very brave through it all. When I arrived on the scene around 5 in the late afternoon, the nurses were elated that she had struggled through her pain and made a self powered trip to the bathroom on her good leg. During the course of the day Marilyn had lost a significant amount of blood and the doctor ordered 1 unit of a blood transfusion to be administered ASAP. Most of my visit was spent watching nurses flurry around the bed setting up the blood transfer and then constantly monitoring her vitals as the blood began to slowly drip through the IV. Marilyn gave a valiant effort to choke down a few bites of her dinner and then could only lie quietly, hoping that with new blood would come new energy.
For me, it is now Saturday morning with the whole weekend ahead. I have been able to rest well and pray that this new day will bring another upturn in Marilyn's roller-coaster ride of life.
Love and prayers
Bryon
Friday, August 29, 2008
The treatment begins
Radiation treatment began today and I am very grateful that Marilyn’s close cousin and faithful friend was available to be by her side as she prepared herself once again to traverse the long maze of hallways from her room to the nuclear treatment department. According to Ardith, Marilyn was in good spirits, joking with the various workers along the way. Once again, the comparatively short treatment time is stretched into a full day experience when you add together preparation, travel and wait times together. My mind was not very focused on the rather trivial agenda attached to our early morning school staff meeting as I tried to appear interested in the droning of administrative policies while wondering and waiting for news from the hospital.
The official time of treatment was to be 9:15 but it wasn’t until some time after 12 that I finally heard anything from Ardith. Her report was positive, putting my mind at ease and allowing me to once again focus on my own personal mission of preparing for all the little darlings I would soon be facing in the weeks to come. I was deep in thought, preparing for school opening when, late in the day, my cell phone chimed with the familiar ring I had programmed to notify that Marilyn was calling. Her voice was weak and raspy and I knew right away that things were far from rosy in Marilyn’s world. Once again she was confused and in great pain. Thankfully her nurse of the moment was a kind and caring individual who was able to reassure me over the telephone that everything possible was being done to keep her comfortable. I really needed to complete the school task I had begun before heading off to visit Marilyn. Once again trying to focus on my own responsibilities almost overwhelmed me but I managed to finish up and set off for the hospital.
Marilyn lay motionless with her dinner tray untouched on the bedside table, when I entered the room. She could barely acknowledge my entrance due to the extreme pain. The roller coaster journey had begun another downward plunge. To my surprise however, Marilyn agreed to attempt to eat some dinner. Slowly, bite-by-bite she began to regain some strength as I spooned what resembled an institutional attempt of Salisbury steak, gravy and rice into her mouth.
My visit was short but productive. We longed for some quality time but our energies were spent from the day’s events so I tried to pick a few quality devotional readings that would bring us the comfort and strength we both craved.
Marilyn will be facing her next treatment alone, as I am to give a presentation to my school staff at approximately the same time. She is scheduled for 11:15 Friday morning Aug 29. Please pray for her to be physically strong enough and mentally stable through the ordeal. I know Marilyn isn’t looking forward to facing this on her own.
Shalom and thanks again for supporting us in prayer
Bryon
The official time of treatment was to be 9:15 but it wasn’t until some time after 12 that I finally heard anything from Ardith. Her report was positive, putting my mind at ease and allowing me to once again focus on my own personal mission of preparing for all the little darlings I would soon be facing in the weeks to come. I was deep in thought, preparing for school opening when, late in the day, my cell phone chimed with the familiar ring I had programmed to notify that Marilyn was calling. Her voice was weak and raspy and I knew right away that things were far from rosy in Marilyn’s world. Once again she was confused and in great pain. Thankfully her nurse of the moment was a kind and caring individual who was able to reassure me over the telephone that everything possible was being done to keep her comfortable. I really needed to complete the school task I had begun before heading off to visit Marilyn. Once again trying to focus on my own responsibilities almost overwhelmed me but I managed to finish up and set off for the hospital.
Marilyn lay motionless with her dinner tray untouched on the bedside table, when I entered the room. She could barely acknowledge my entrance due to the extreme pain. The roller coaster journey had begun another downward plunge. To my surprise however, Marilyn agreed to attempt to eat some dinner. Slowly, bite-by-bite she began to regain some strength as I spooned what resembled an institutional attempt of Salisbury steak, gravy and rice into her mouth.
My visit was short but productive. We longed for some quality time but our energies were spent from the day’s events so I tried to pick a few quality devotional readings that would bring us the comfort and strength we both craved.
Marilyn will be facing her next treatment alone, as I am to give a presentation to my school staff at approximately the same time. She is scheduled for 11:15 Friday morning Aug 29. Please pray for her to be physically strong enough and mentally stable through the ordeal. I know Marilyn isn’t looking forward to facing this on her own.
Shalom and thanks again for supporting us in prayer
Bryon
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Questions without answers
August 19, 2008
Questions Without Answers
I know we all have questions waiting to be answered but today my question box runneth over.
Why, after two long weeks in the hospital, is Marilyn getting worse each day instead of better? Why do we always seem to be waiting, waiting for doctors, waiting for tests, waiting for results, waiting for answers, waiting for… Why does there seem to be no apparent schedule? Why do have to constantly play musical beds, moving from room to room to room? Why are we telling the same story over and over to the latest new nurse of the hour while watching the old nurses listen to another new story in someone else’s room? Why, why, why?????
The list of questions grows as our spirits and energy wane. I am frustrated, annoyed, exhausted and beginning to fall apart. Sleep doesn’t seem to exist, work piles up; my prayers seem to float aimlessly around the room with no purpose. I know that I should let go and let God hake control but it isn’t easy when I sit helplessly watching Marilyn grow weaker and weaker. Each day a new problem seems to crop up. Today, the results of Monday’s Ultra sound revealed that everything is “normal” – that should be good news but – Why have Marilyn’s kidney’s not functioning properly, why does she have a worsening urinary tract infection after several days of antibiotics, why is her blood sugar diabetes count on the rise when it was kept so under control at home without all the hospital interventions, why has she completely lost her appetite, why is 10 times the level of pain medicine not curbing her pain, why is Marilyn becoming more confused and disoriented every day?? I think the answer to to this last question is obvious.
Marilyn reached a new low today leaving me feeling totally helpless and then to make matters even more frustrating, once again we were “informed” with about 10 minutes advance warning that we needed to prep Marilyn to be moved to a new unit. This time all my questions for the reasoning behind another move were met with the pat answer – “Well that is just how it is around here”. I had been successful on 2 prior occasions to advocate the avoidance of moving but these last two times no amount of arguing or reasoning was worth the effort. So – we gat everything ready for the 5 o’clock move and began to wait. So much for my plan to get home early, fix our door and perhaps have some down time. Around 8 the stretcher arrived for Marilyn’s departure. Once again we were not told that Marilyn’s bed and bedside table would be staying behind so this called for some frantic reshuffling of belongings to be ready for the porter who of course doesn’t like to wait for anything. All this activity of course only put Marilyn into a higher level of confusion, and by now she was so weak she could barely muster up enough energy to utter a whisper. I tried to explain that I would go down stairs to her new room – 4618 and unpack and set up her things but she just didn’t understand. I went on ahead anyway hoping that I could have everything set up for her arrival. Once again it turned out that there was no need to hurry because I sat alone in her new room for almost an hour waiting for the porter to finally arrive with her in tow. I immediately ran to her side to see how she had fared only to find her quite scared and upset with the whole ordeal.
After venting all my frustrations I can say that perhaps this was Gods way of bestowing a blessing on Marilyn. The room turned out to be a private room filled with new equipment and the charge nurse in the new unit was ever so empathetic. The new staff was also wonderful and attentive saying that Marilyn would “most likely” have a much less chance of moving again compared to the previous unit. Time will tell. The waiting game will begin again.
Another added blessing – The TV worked and we haven’t paid anything for it. Not that Marilyn has any interest in watching at the moment. I was also able to have a long chat with her latest new nurse and retell her story before Marilyn arrived. After all the hubbub ended I sat quietly with Marilyn rubbing her back and she seemed to settle down. Of course as I was about to leave the vampire shift arrived with their blood letting paraphernalia and I once again realized that we were back in the hospital, not some luxury private facility.
Please pray for strength as I go home to the unfinished chores and Marilyn tries to start fresh with her new IV drip, changed drug schedule and new resident doctor. I just pray for the doctor/s prediction that all these changes will perk her up in a few hours. Once again – time will tell.
Bryon
Questions Without Answers
I know we all have questions waiting to be answered but today my question box runneth over.
Why, after two long weeks in the hospital, is Marilyn getting worse each day instead of better? Why do we always seem to be waiting, waiting for doctors, waiting for tests, waiting for results, waiting for answers, waiting for… Why does there seem to be no apparent schedule? Why do have to constantly play musical beds, moving from room to room to room? Why are we telling the same story over and over to the latest new nurse of the hour while watching the old nurses listen to another new story in someone else’s room? Why, why, why?????
The list of questions grows as our spirits and energy wane. I am frustrated, annoyed, exhausted and beginning to fall apart. Sleep doesn’t seem to exist, work piles up; my prayers seem to float aimlessly around the room with no purpose. I know that I should let go and let God hake control but it isn’t easy when I sit helplessly watching Marilyn grow weaker and weaker. Each day a new problem seems to crop up. Today, the results of Monday’s Ultra sound revealed that everything is “normal” – that should be good news but – Why have Marilyn’s kidney’s not functioning properly, why does she have a worsening urinary tract infection after several days of antibiotics, why is her blood sugar diabetes count on the rise when it was kept so under control at home without all the hospital interventions, why has she completely lost her appetite, why is 10 times the level of pain medicine not curbing her pain, why is Marilyn becoming more confused and disoriented every day?? I think the answer to to this last question is obvious.
Marilyn reached a new low today leaving me feeling totally helpless and then to make matters even more frustrating, once again we were “informed” with about 10 minutes advance warning that we needed to prep Marilyn to be moved to a new unit. This time all my questions for the reasoning behind another move were met with the pat answer – “Well that is just how it is around here”. I had been successful on 2 prior occasions to advocate the avoidance of moving but these last two times no amount of arguing or reasoning was worth the effort. So – we gat everything ready for the 5 o’clock move and began to wait. So much for my plan to get home early, fix our door and perhaps have some down time. Around 8 the stretcher arrived for Marilyn’s departure. Once again we were not told that Marilyn’s bed and bedside table would be staying behind so this called for some frantic reshuffling of belongings to be ready for the porter who of course doesn’t like to wait for anything. All this activity of course only put Marilyn into a higher level of confusion, and by now she was so weak she could barely muster up enough energy to utter a whisper. I tried to explain that I would go down stairs to her new room – 4618 and unpack and set up her things but she just didn’t understand. I went on ahead anyway hoping that I could have everything set up for her arrival. Once again it turned out that there was no need to hurry because I sat alone in her new room for almost an hour waiting for the porter to finally arrive with her in tow. I immediately ran to her side to see how she had fared only to find her quite scared and upset with the whole ordeal.
After venting all my frustrations I can say that perhaps this was Gods way of bestowing a blessing on Marilyn. The room turned out to be a private room filled with new equipment and the charge nurse in the new unit was ever so empathetic. The new staff was also wonderful and attentive saying that Marilyn would “most likely” have a much less chance of moving again compared to the previous unit. Time will tell. The waiting game will begin again.
Another added blessing – The TV worked and we haven’t paid anything for it. Not that Marilyn has any interest in watching at the moment. I was also able to have a long chat with her latest new nurse and retell her story before Marilyn arrived. After all the hubbub ended I sat quietly with Marilyn rubbing her back and she seemed to settle down. Of course as I was about to leave the vampire shift arrived with their blood letting paraphernalia and I once again realized that we were back in the hospital, not some luxury private facility.
Please pray for strength as I go home to the unfinished chores and Marilyn tries to start fresh with her new IV drip, changed drug schedule and new resident doctor. I just pray for the doctor/s prediction that all these changes will perk her up in a few hours. Once again – time will tell.
Bryon
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
***PAIN***-Out Of Control
Marilyn's pain went way out of control today and her doc requested that I
take her to emergency. I just got home from the Hospital - it is 2 AM. We
only waited 4 hours to get a bed in emerg (last time it was 18 hours).
Marilyn had good nurses and I was able to find the closest parking spot in
the parking lot - Thank the Lord for that because I needed to go out to the
van quite often through the whole episode. Marilyn was seen by 2
specialists and the consensus was that she needed to be admitted in order to
manage the pain but most importantly - to determine the cause of he pain.
Both specialists are thinking the pain is a direct result of her tumour but
there are several possibilities as to what is going on. Some possibilities
are more serious than others but no matter what is causing this it needs to
be attended to immediately. They are going to try to get some new images
tomorrow and then discuss the best possible action to take. She will most
likely be in for a few days but the way things were looking tonight it
didn't matter what meds they administered - the pain kept getting worse.
Obviously we won't be travelling to California on Thursday. I will keep you
posted as to what is happening. Thanks for your prayers.
take her to emergency. I just got home from the Hospital - it is 2 AM. We
only waited 4 hours to get a bed in emerg (last time it was 18 hours).
Marilyn had good nurses and I was able to find the closest parking spot in
the parking lot - Thank the Lord for that because I needed to go out to the
van quite often through the whole episode. Marilyn was seen by 2
specialists and the consensus was that she needed to be admitted in order to
manage the pain but most importantly - to determine the cause of he pain.
Both specialists are thinking the pain is a direct result of her tumour but
there are several possibilities as to what is going on. Some possibilities
are more serious than others but no matter what is causing this it needs to
be attended to immediately. They are going to try to get some new images
tomorrow and then discuss the best possible action to take. She will most
likely be in for a few days but the way things were looking tonight it
didn't matter what meds they administered - the pain kept getting worse.
Obviously we won't be travelling to California on Thursday. I will keep you
posted as to what is happening. Thanks for your prayers.
Tuesday, June 6, 2006
It's Not All Roses But I Promise To Stand By You - Good Times or Bad
June 6 refusals
Tried to get out of exercises both in am and pm
Am – said she couldn’t sit on commode and asked to be taken off after only 1 minute (Heather was able to persuade Marilyn to try commode as well as stay sitting for almost 10 minutes)
Pm – Asked me to find Heather and tell her she couldn’t do exercises because she was tired out from her BM – Heather managed to convince her to walk again as well as do all of her leg exercises in bed however Marilyn tried to stop at the door of her room and go for her lazyboy chair instead of the planned walk in the hall – Heather kept her focused and they went into the hall but Marilyn tried at least 2 more times to stop short of Heathers goal. Heather managed to get her slightly beyond her last point but Marilyn insisted on a rest stop that required us to reposition her for a straight walk back instead of Marilyn negotiating a planned turn. During the rest Marilyn requested to be pushed in her wheel chair back to bed because she said she couldn’t walk that far. Heather again managed to motivate Marilyn into standing up and walking back to bed.
Refused help from nurses for commode when she knew a BM was eminent. (Said nurses didn’t know how to transfer her properly.
Refused to read email story someone sent her (Said she didn‘t know the sender)
Said she didn’t want to eat any lunch because it was too late and she would wait for supper. (I managed to talk her into eating a few bites of a salmon salad and 2 slices of cucumber – but only by being quite forceful).
Refused to drink the rest of her ensure because she said she had already drunk almost the whole can (There was almost half a glass still left from that can)
Didn’t want drapes opened in her room because the light was too bright for her
Insisted that I return and be on time for afternoon exercises.
Refused a shower – Put it off until next evening. (Her hair has not been washed for a full week and she looks greasy and grubby).
Refused face and hands wash twice – afternoon and just before bed at 9 pm. (Said that she had had a full body wash earlier in the day and that it would make her too cold)
Refused to get up and sit in chair as specifically requested by Heather during afternoon exercises. I managed to get her to turn on her back and partially sit up by lifting the head of her bed to about 45 degrees for about 8 minutes and tried to see if she might be able to balance a computer on her lap with a pillow. The balancing act worked somewhat but I think it is not very stable and Marilyn again refused to give the computer a try asking me to take it away. Marilyn asked to be laid back down almost immediately after putting her up but I managed to distract her a few more minutes by getting her to do a few bicep curls with her weights. She said the weights were too heavy even though I had given her the lightest ones – 1 lb. After the half-hearted curls were completed she refused to try to lift the weights straight up saying that she had already lifted these weights as high as she possibly could.
When the elders from the church came to pray for her they asked her what she was thankful for and she had some difficulty thinking of anything but managed to say – her family and her husband. As I was about to leave for the night she did express her love for Lyn and I – Then asked to have some music playing for her to go to sleep with.
I spent some time talking with her tonight about her fears and goals. She admitted that she didn’t feel she would be able to do enough to be able to make it to the wedding. So at that point I tried to make her see that she was her own worst enemy and until she was willing to push herself and believe that she could get strong enough in time by concentrating on doing everything that was asked of her.
My words for Marilyn – Marilyn I love you with all my heart and I have been told by Dr. Dowden AND Dr Joyce that your tumor is very localized. Meaning that it has not spread to any other place in your body. For this reason there is hope that it can be treated. The treatment however could cause you great harm if you aren’t strong enough to withstand the side effects. If you continue in the pattern I have observed from yesterday the tumor will take over and you won’t ever get the chance to fight against it. This is exactly what the devil wants to see happen. You and your testimony threaten his plans for many whom you already have and will have contact with. There have been so many that have been helped by your sweet and quiet constant caring way. The devil knows your weak points and will and has used every opportunity to break you down with fear and anxiety. Please remember Pastor Mathison’s words of encouragement and his prayer for you. Your fears can’t come from God – He is not the author of fear. He gives power and a sound mind. Remember the pastor’s comments as you ask for the powerful soldiers of the Lord to guard and protect you from Satan’s little darts he is tossing at you. Put up your shield of faith and fend them off.
I will never give up on you no matter how tired and discouraged I get. Please understand that when I am not with you physically I am with you in spirit. I pray for you without stopping. I have asked God for everything from complete healing to strength to bear the pain. Only God knows our future but I do believe that He allows us a great deal of control over our destiny. Right now you are the only person that doesn’t believe you can make it to David’s wedding. We are all expecting to see you there in the front row. I know this will be a huge effort and probably will not be without much pain. If you follow Heather’s plan WITHOUT QUESTIONING EVERY STEP – You will be safe AND each day your strength will increase.
Last week you progressed a little each day. I was so encouraged by your determination. Just remember that the stakes get higher and the way more of an uphill climb. But with each step will be the feeling of accomplishment and with each accomplishment another victory. And for every victory another muscle will begin to bulge with power to press on. As you press on you will reach your goals AND with each goal the devil will begin to feel the pain he wants you to endure.
As we prayed for you tonight the verse that kept coming to my mind was “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them.” Marilyn, God was in the room with us listening to two powerful warriors pray for our requests. I know he heard our cry and I know he will answer. The burden we have is heavy but He was promised that he will give us the strength to endure.
I will be there with you all the way Marilyn. Remember though that everyone working with you is part of a team. I can’t do the job of the nurses and they can’t do mine. Let each team member do their part and you do yours. I know the results will be amazing and you will be the winner.
Love forever
Bryon
Tried to get out of exercises both in am and pm
Am – said she couldn’t sit on commode and asked to be taken off after only 1 minute (Heather was able to persuade Marilyn to try commode as well as stay sitting for almost 10 minutes)
Pm – Asked me to find Heather and tell her she couldn’t do exercises because she was tired out from her BM – Heather managed to convince her to walk again as well as do all of her leg exercises in bed however Marilyn tried to stop at the door of her room and go for her lazyboy chair instead of the planned walk in the hall – Heather kept her focused and they went into the hall but Marilyn tried at least 2 more times to stop short of Heathers goal. Heather managed to get her slightly beyond her last point but Marilyn insisted on a rest stop that required us to reposition her for a straight walk back instead of Marilyn negotiating a planned turn. During the rest Marilyn requested to be pushed in her wheel chair back to bed because she said she couldn’t walk that far. Heather again managed to motivate Marilyn into standing up and walking back to bed.
Refused help from nurses for commode when she knew a BM was eminent. (Said nurses didn’t know how to transfer her properly.
Refused to read email story someone sent her (Said she didn‘t know the sender)
Said she didn’t want to eat any lunch because it was too late and she would wait for supper. (I managed to talk her into eating a few bites of a salmon salad and 2 slices of cucumber – but only by being quite forceful).
Refused to drink the rest of her ensure because she said she had already drunk almost the whole can (There was almost half a glass still left from that can)
Didn’t want drapes opened in her room because the light was too bright for her
Insisted that I return and be on time for afternoon exercises.
Refused a shower – Put it off until next evening. (Her hair has not been washed for a full week and she looks greasy and grubby).
Refused face and hands wash twice – afternoon and just before bed at 9 pm. (Said that she had had a full body wash earlier in the day and that it would make her too cold)
Refused to get up and sit in chair as specifically requested by Heather during afternoon exercises. I managed to get her to turn on her back and partially sit up by lifting the head of her bed to about 45 degrees for about 8 minutes and tried to see if she might be able to balance a computer on her lap with a pillow. The balancing act worked somewhat but I think it is not very stable and Marilyn again refused to give the computer a try asking me to take it away. Marilyn asked to be laid back down almost immediately after putting her up but I managed to distract her a few more minutes by getting her to do a few bicep curls with her weights. She said the weights were too heavy even though I had given her the lightest ones – 1 lb. After the half-hearted curls were completed she refused to try to lift the weights straight up saying that she had already lifted these weights as high as she possibly could.
When the elders from the church came to pray for her they asked her what she was thankful for and she had some difficulty thinking of anything but managed to say – her family and her husband. As I was about to leave for the night she did express her love for Lyn and I – Then asked to have some music playing for her to go to sleep with.
I spent some time talking with her tonight about her fears and goals. She admitted that she didn’t feel she would be able to do enough to be able to make it to the wedding. So at that point I tried to make her see that she was her own worst enemy and until she was willing to push herself and believe that she could get strong enough in time by concentrating on doing everything that was asked of her.
My words for Marilyn – Marilyn I love you with all my heart and I have been told by Dr. Dowden AND Dr Joyce that your tumor is very localized. Meaning that it has not spread to any other place in your body. For this reason there is hope that it can be treated. The treatment however could cause you great harm if you aren’t strong enough to withstand the side effects. If you continue in the pattern I have observed from yesterday the tumor will take over and you won’t ever get the chance to fight against it. This is exactly what the devil wants to see happen. You and your testimony threaten his plans for many whom you already have and will have contact with. There have been so many that have been helped by your sweet and quiet constant caring way. The devil knows your weak points and will and has used every opportunity to break you down with fear and anxiety. Please remember Pastor Mathison’s words of encouragement and his prayer for you. Your fears can’t come from God – He is not the author of fear. He gives power and a sound mind. Remember the pastor’s comments as you ask for the powerful soldiers of the Lord to guard and protect you from Satan’s little darts he is tossing at you. Put up your shield of faith and fend them off.
I will never give up on you no matter how tired and discouraged I get. Please understand that when I am not with you physically I am with you in spirit. I pray for you without stopping. I have asked God for everything from complete healing to strength to bear the pain. Only God knows our future but I do believe that He allows us a great deal of control over our destiny. Right now you are the only person that doesn’t believe you can make it to David’s wedding. We are all expecting to see you there in the front row. I know this will be a huge effort and probably will not be without much pain. If you follow Heather’s plan WITHOUT QUESTIONING EVERY STEP – You will be safe AND each day your strength will increase.
Last week you progressed a little each day. I was so encouraged by your determination. Just remember that the stakes get higher and the way more of an uphill climb. But with each step will be the feeling of accomplishment and with each accomplishment another victory. And for every victory another muscle will begin to bulge with power to press on. As you press on you will reach your goals AND with each goal the devil will begin to feel the pain he wants you to endure.
As we prayed for you tonight the verse that kept coming to my mind was “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them.” Marilyn, God was in the room with us listening to two powerful warriors pray for our requests. I know he heard our cry and I know he will answer. The burden we have is heavy but He was promised that he will give us the strength to endure.
I will be there with you all the way Marilyn. Remember though that everyone working with you is part of a team. I can’t do the job of the nurses and they can’t do mine. Let each team member do their part and you do yours. I know the results will be amazing and you will be the winner.
Love forever
Bryon
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Beating the Clock
May 31, 2006
Marilyn is in a race against time. These words continue to ring through my mind like a song that you can’t make go away. But the reality of them rings true each time I watch Marilyn struggle to complete another exercise or execute some menial task most would take for granted.
These are the words the doctor impressed on Lyn and I as we sat in his office on Friday morning engaging in an hour of consultation. Many of words were encouraging with hope and reason to press on. Some of his comments were scary. There are no guarantees – simply the need for much concentrated work, both on our part, as supporters, and of course for Marilyn.
Our main concern for Marilyn – Does she have the will to continue? – AND – Will she have the strength? She not only needs physical strength, but even more importantly, mental and spiritual strength. The spiritual component is a natural for her. This shows loud and clear as she often prays aloud for strength to endure the pain during the rough times. However, her mental powers and ability to think positively and rationally often show signs of great fatigue and weakness. I often feel that much of her disability stems from this.
I do, other hand, feel significantly encouraged with her steady but gradual physical improvements. Listening to the comments of visitors who don’t see her every day assures me that ground is being gained in this area. Also, I see a gradual shift towards internalizing some of the family’s wishes and goals for herself. Will this be enough to win the race? Only time will tell. Often, I have no idea what to pray for or how to think but lately God has impressed many scripture passages on me concerning waiting on the Lord. This is hard, when one wants quick results. I will work toward this as my own personal goal.
The last few days I have been blessed with help from both Lyn (my stepmother) and Shirley (my sister) Both Marilyn and I have appreciated them immensely. They have allowed me to have a break that will surely bring energy back for the long road ahead. This weekend we will drive out to Creston to help Lyn take care of her place. The change of pace and scenery is something I am looking forward to. Hopefully I will be able to offer help in the opposite direction instead of just being the receiver.
Marilyn is in a race against time. These words continue to ring through my mind like a song that you can’t make go away. But the reality of them rings true each time I watch Marilyn struggle to complete another exercise or execute some menial task most would take for granted.
These are the words the doctor impressed on Lyn and I as we sat in his office on Friday morning engaging in an hour of consultation. Many of words were encouraging with hope and reason to press on. Some of his comments were scary. There are no guarantees – simply the need for much concentrated work, both on our part, as supporters, and of course for Marilyn.
Our main concern for Marilyn – Does she have the will to continue? – AND – Will she have the strength? She not only needs physical strength, but even more importantly, mental and spiritual strength. The spiritual component is a natural for her. This shows loud and clear as she often prays aloud for strength to endure the pain during the rough times. However, her mental powers and ability to think positively and rationally often show signs of great fatigue and weakness. I often feel that much of her disability stems from this.
I do, other hand, feel significantly encouraged with her steady but gradual physical improvements. Listening to the comments of visitors who don’t see her every day assures me that ground is being gained in this area. Also, I see a gradual shift towards internalizing some of the family’s wishes and goals for herself. Will this be enough to win the race? Only time will tell. Often, I have no idea what to pray for or how to think but lately God has impressed many scripture passages on me concerning waiting on the Lord. This is hard, when one wants quick results. I will work toward this as my own personal goal.
The last few days I have been blessed with help from both Lyn (my stepmother) and Shirley (my sister) Both Marilyn and I have appreciated them immensely. They have allowed me to have a break that will surely bring energy back for the long road ahead. This weekend we will drive out to Creston to help Lyn take care of her place. The change of pace and scenery is something I am looking forward to. Hopefully I will be able to offer help in the opposite direction instead of just being the receiver.
Monday, May 22, 2006
New Surroundings, But Still - The Same Old Feelings
May 22
May long weekend, a time for planting and bringing spring to life. The weather is beautiful – better than most years. I remember our first camping experience together. It was a rain filled and very wet stay at the three sisters campground close to Canmore. For some reason the experience never dampened our love for the outdoors and camping.
But for now, for Marilyn, the outdoors can only be enjoyed via the big picture window in her room. I am thankful for it. It is a great improvement from the claustrophobic prison of a room Marilyn found herself in for the last 6 weeks. I am afraid that the view to the outside has begun to leave her quite depressed, realizing that she can’t participate in life the way she once used to.
We were blessed with a recent visit from one of Marilyn’s cousin’s family just yesterday as they and their six children presented an impromptu concert in her room. I was holding back the tears as they stood by her bedside singing and playing many of Marilyn’s favorite hymns and choruses from her youth. It was so good to see the joy this brought to Marilyn – if only for a short while.
As the day wore on and Marilyn’s pain began to envelop her I again realized the magnitude of the war that was raging in her body. Even though the pain and physical weakness is great, the mental strain is greater. There is such a fine line between knowing how much medication to administer for comfort when each dose clouds her thinking further.
Last night as I was climbing into bed the phone rang. It was Marilyn telling me she wasn’t able to stand the pain – even though she had taken everything she was allowed in the way of narcotics. She just wanted me to be there with her. I couldn’t and didn’t go. It would not have even been safe for me to drive again as tired as I was at the time. A call to the nursing station assured me that everything would be done to help her settle so I had to leave my burden with the nurses and the Lord as I drifted off to sleep.
Today my stepmother (Lyn) who has come to stay with me for a time, and I will go up with Marilyn’s favorite fast food lunch – KFC and diet coke. This is perhaps the worst combination for health and nutrition, but perhaps a pick me up for depression. The exercise regime will be on hold for the weekend as we make the effort to turn Marilyn’s spirits around. Moving is hard at the best of times, and even though this move has many positives attached, the negatives often have a way of overwhelming the good. I will pray for Marilyn to use her strong willpower to fight for control.
May long weekend, a time for planting and bringing spring to life. The weather is beautiful – better than most years. I remember our first camping experience together. It was a rain filled and very wet stay at the three sisters campground close to Canmore. For some reason the experience never dampened our love for the outdoors and camping.
But for now, for Marilyn, the outdoors can only be enjoyed via the big picture window in her room. I am thankful for it. It is a great improvement from the claustrophobic prison of a room Marilyn found herself in for the last 6 weeks. I am afraid that the view to the outside has begun to leave her quite depressed, realizing that she can’t participate in life the way she once used to.
We were blessed with a recent visit from one of Marilyn’s cousin’s family just yesterday as they and their six children presented an impromptu concert in her room. I was holding back the tears as they stood by her bedside singing and playing many of Marilyn’s favorite hymns and choruses from her youth. It was so good to see the joy this brought to Marilyn – if only for a short while.
As the day wore on and Marilyn’s pain began to envelop her I again realized the magnitude of the war that was raging in her body. Even though the pain and physical weakness is great, the mental strain is greater. There is such a fine line between knowing how much medication to administer for comfort when each dose clouds her thinking further.
Last night as I was climbing into bed the phone rang. It was Marilyn telling me she wasn’t able to stand the pain – even though she had taken everything she was allowed in the way of narcotics. She just wanted me to be there with her. I couldn’t and didn’t go. It would not have even been safe for me to drive again as tired as I was at the time. A call to the nursing station assured me that everything would be done to help her settle so I had to leave my burden with the nurses and the Lord as I drifted off to sleep.
Today my stepmother (Lyn) who has come to stay with me for a time, and I will go up with Marilyn’s favorite fast food lunch – KFC and diet coke. This is perhaps the worst combination for health and nutrition, but perhaps a pick me up for depression. The exercise regime will be on hold for the weekend as we make the effort to turn Marilyn’s spirits around. Moving is hard at the best of times, and even though this move has many positives attached, the negatives often have a way of overwhelming the good. I will pray for Marilyn to use her strong willpower to fight for control.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Another Setback
May 17
Thanks so much for your consistent prayers and friendship. It means so much to both of us. I will be praying for "Dove" and Jack as they travel to Ireland. I hope you have a wonderful and safe trip. I will add your exercise commitment to the growing list.
We got a beautiful card today from our good Internet friend "Dove". and I read the poem that she enclosed to Marilyn. I don't know how much she actually hears and understands these days. Today was a day of some confusion for her and no one has been able to pinpoint a reason. Perhaps it has been caused by the urinary tract infection she has from her catheter or too many meds. She got up and walked about 6 feet - turned around and walked back to the bed but when she got to the bed she couldn't figure out how to turn around again to sit on the bed. Her knees were so week and the pain so distracting that she simply buckled and fell to the floor desperately clutching her walker. The staff had placed a commode directly behind her so she could have sat down but that just didn't register either. Now everyone is racking their brains to try to figure out how to safely mobilize Marilyn and no one is coming up with much. I suggested that tomorrow she do more frequent ups and downs but try to focus on only one skill and make the session very short. I think my suggestion will be followed and we will be focusing on how to stand up, turn around, and sit on a commode.
I also suggested that each move be demonstrated prior to execution giving Marilyn a chance to let the information sink in first. This does seem to help because when I asked why she hadn't been calling me she admitted that she had forgotten how to use the phone as well as forgotten our phone number. I immediately lead her in a tutorial session on how to call home. It made me feel like I was teaching a pre school child as I watched her fumble around attempting to place a call. However after I came home tonight I tried to reach her by phone and when there was no answer I gave up thinking she just didn't remember. A few minutes later the phone rang and she had methodically figured out what to do. I praise God for each little thing that can be viewed as a positive.
Bryon
Thanks so much for your consistent prayers and friendship. It means so much to both of us. I will be praying for "Dove" and Jack as they travel to Ireland. I hope you have a wonderful and safe trip. I will add your exercise commitment to the growing list.
We got a beautiful card today from our good Internet friend "Dove". and I read the poem that she enclosed to Marilyn. I don't know how much she actually hears and understands these days. Today was a day of some confusion for her and no one has been able to pinpoint a reason. Perhaps it has been caused by the urinary tract infection she has from her catheter or too many meds. She got up and walked about 6 feet - turned around and walked back to the bed but when she got to the bed she couldn't figure out how to turn around again to sit on the bed. Her knees were so week and the pain so distracting that she simply buckled and fell to the floor desperately clutching her walker. The staff had placed a commode directly behind her so she could have sat down but that just didn't register either. Now everyone is racking their brains to try to figure out how to safely mobilize Marilyn and no one is coming up with much. I suggested that tomorrow she do more frequent ups and downs but try to focus on only one skill and make the session very short. I think my suggestion will be followed and we will be focusing on how to stand up, turn around, and sit on a commode.
I also suggested that each move be demonstrated prior to execution giving Marilyn a chance to let the information sink in first. This does seem to help because when I asked why she hadn't been calling me she admitted that she had forgotten how to use the phone as well as forgotten our phone number. I immediately lead her in a tutorial session on how to call home. It made me feel like I was teaching a pre school child as I watched her fumble around attempting to place a call. However after I came home tonight I tried to reach her by phone and when there was no answer I gave up thinking she just didn't remember. A few minutes later the phone rang and she had methodically figured out what to do. I praise God for each little thing that can be viewed as a positive.
Bryon
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
Questions without answers
May 2, 2006
In some ways time has been rushing by and in other ways it has stood still. When I think that we are approaching the 1st month anniversary of Marilyn’s admittance to the hospital it is hard to believe how long it has been. One day seems to blend into another and time seems to stand still. Wishing, hoping and praying that the pain that is so disabling will subside, I watch as Marilyn begins the incredibly slow process of rehabilitation. Yes, there has been some progress – but it has been so slow and so painful. Today she sat up by herself, stood up (with the help of a lift) beside her bed and did some knee bending exercises. The physiotherapist is happy with the progress but discouragement and fear are still written all over Marilyn’s face.
Will I ever walk again, and why should I even bother make the effort, are questions I hear her ask as she anticipates the dread of tomorrow’s exercise regime. On the other side of the coin, I also see the look of determination as she fights to sit and then stand to face the daily workout. Marilyn’s sweet personality, constant sense of humor and Christian testimony have earned her many new friends among the medical staff. Nurses often drop by or stop me in the corridors to check on her condition. I pray daily that God will help Marilyn focus on her inner strength and overcome her fears.
The visits from family and friends have been so encouraging. Knowing that so many are praying sustains and holds us fast. Thanks for your calls of concern. While watching 100 Huntley Street this morning I was reminded that if God can call each star by name, surely He knows and cares about what we are going through.
In some ways time has been rushing by and in other ways it has stood still. When I think that we are approaching the 1st month anniversary of Marilyn’s admittance to the hospital it is hard to believe how long it has been. One day seems to blend into another and time seems to stand still. Wishing, hoping and praying that the pain that is so disabling will subside, I watch as Marilyn begins the incredibly slow process of rehabilitation. Yes, there has been some progress – but it has been so slow and so painful. Today she sat up by herself, stood up (with the help of a lift) beside her bed and did some knee bending exercises. The physiotherapist is happy with the progress but discouragement and fear are still written all over Marilyn’s face.
Will I ever walk again, and why should I even bother make the effort, are questions I hear her ask as she anticipates the dread of tomorrow’s exercise regime. On the other side of the coin, I also see the look of determination as she fights to sit and then stand to face the daily workout. Marilyn’s sweet personality, constant sense of humor and Christian testimony have earned her many new friends among the medical staff. Nurses often drop by or stop me in the corridors to check on her condition. I pray daily that God will help Marilyn focus on her inner strength and overcome her fears.
The visits from family and friends have been so encouraging. Knowing that so many are praying sustains and holds us fast. Thanks for your calls of concern. While watching 100 Huntley Street this morning I was reminded that if God can call each star by name, surely He knows and cares about what we are going through.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Waiting Spawns Discouragement
April 24
Marilyn was in too much pain to sleep much last night. When I arrived at the hospital today she was in tears - partly from the pain but also from extreme discouragement. Her spirit is under great trial these days as she feels a death sentence has been pronounced over her. I watched the movie "Patch Adams" last night and wished I could bring some happiness back into her life the way patch seemed to for so many patients. The trip to radiation treatments today was hard for Marilyn because she just couldn't get comfortable. It seems that we are always waiting for something. Today the porters took over 1/2 an hour and Marilyn couldn't stand the pain anymore so I finally convinced a nurse to help me get her back to her room without the help of the hospital porters. Back in the room it was a waiting game again to have Marilyn moved from the stretcher onto her new Cadillac full care hospital bed. The whole ordeal started about 1 and took until 4 in the afternoon. It seems a lot for a procedure that takes only 10 minutes to complete and 5 minutes travel time to and from the room. I was hoping that Physio specialists would be able to work with Marilyn to help her re learn how to stand and sit. After all the moving around she was too exhausted to do anything but rest.
I was thankful for the many visitors today allowing me to have some time to myself. Pastor Ray and Dale and Irene dropped by this morning and I know they encouraged Marilyn. Ardith (Marilyn’s best friend and cousin) showed up right at supper when Marilyn was feeling very low. I am always amazed at how the presence of someone Marilyn loves can boost her morale - even for a short time. I was so tired when Ardith arrived that I could hardly visit. I am so glad that Afdith noticed how I was struggling and suggested I go and have a sleep. I slipped out to the van and napped for about 1/2 an hour then went over to Wendy's and picked up a nice juicy hamburger for Marilyn and myself. This was a great treat for Marilyn because she is so totally tired of the bland hospital offerings after 3 weeks of the same thing over and over. Ardith told us some fantastic stories of miracles that God had performed for a missionary couple she had just visited and then gave us an encouraging card with scripture proclaiming healing for Marilyn. Interestingly her verse was the same as another card we had just received yesterday.
When I see Marilyn so low and discouraged I must admit I am finding it difficult to believe in a miracle. I do know and so does Marilyn that this whole situation is in Gods hands and we must be still and wait on him. As I write this I am listening to the miracle network on TV and someone is proclaiming healing of tumors and a blood disorder that the doctors can't figure out. This is exactly what Marilyn’s ailments are. I had to stop and utter a prayer for Marilyn as I heard this proclamation. Even with all this I still find it hard to wait and believe.
After Ardith left the waiting game began again with Marilyn not being able to find a comfortable position. Her new bed didn't feel much like a Cadillac - just different and uncomfortable. It is so frustrating to go and explain Marilyn's pain and discomfort to the nurses and then have to wait sometimes over an hour for help. That was the case tonight. The nurse finally came with medicine and helped reposition Marilyn at just after 8 pm. Marilyn settled and again I placed her life into Gods hands and made the long drive home.
Marilyn was in too much pain to sleep much last night. When I arrived at the hospital today she was in tears - partly from the pain but also from extreme discouragement. Her spirit is under great trial these days as she feels a death sentence has been pronounced over her. I watched the movie "Patch Adams" last night and wished I could bring some happiness back into her life the way patch seemed to for so many patients. The trip to radiation treatments today was hard for Marilyn because she just couldn't get comfortable. It seems that we are always waiting for something. Today the porters took over 1/2 an hour and Marilyn couldn't stand the pain anymore so I finally convinced a nurse to help me get her back to her room without the help of the hospital porters. Back in the room it was a waiting game again to have Marilyn moved from the stretcher onto her new Cadillac full care hospital bed. The whole ordeal started about 1 and took until 4 in the afternoon. It seems a lot for a procedure that takes only 10 minutes to complete and 5 minutes travel time to and from the room. I was hoping that Physio specialists would be able to work with Marilyn to help her re learn how to stand and sit. After all the moving around she was too exhausted to do anything but rest.
I was thankful for the many visitors today allowing me to have some time to myself. Pastor Ray and Dale and Irene dropped by this morning and I know they encouraged Marilyn. Ardith (Marilyn’s best friend and cousin) showed up right at supper when Marilyn was feeling very low. I am always amazed at how the presence of someone Marilyn loves can boost her morale - even for a short time. I was so tired when Ardith arrived that I could hardly visit. I am so glad that Afdith noticed how I was struggling and suggested I go and have a sleep. I slipped out to the van and napped for about 1/2 an hour then went over to Wendy's and picked up a nice juicy hamburger for Marilyn and myself. This was a great treat for Marilyn because she is so totally tired of the bland hospital offerings after 3 weeks of the same thing over and over. Ardith told us some fantastic stories of miracles that God had performed for a missionary couple she had just visited and then gave us an encouraging card with scripture proclaiming healing for Marilyn. Interestingly her verse was the same as another card we had just received yesterday.
When I see Marilyn so low and discouraged I must admit I am finding it difficult to believe in a miracle. I do know and so does Marilyn that this whole situation is in Gods hands and we must be still and wait on him. As I write this I am listening to the miracle network on TV and someone is proclaiming healing of tumors and a blood disorder that the doctors can't figure out. This is exactly what Marilyn’s ailments are. I had to stop and utter a prayer for Marilyn as I heard this proclamation. Even with all this I still find it hard to wait and believe.
After Ardith left the waiting game began again with Marilyn not being able to find a comfortable position. Her new bed didn't feel much like a Cadillac - just different and uncomfortable. It is so frustrating to go and explain Marilyn's pain and discomfort to the nurses and then have to wait sometimes over an hour for help. That was the case tonight. The nurse finally came with medicine and helped reposition Marilyn at just after 8 pm. Marilyn settled and again I placed her life into Gods hands and made the long drive home.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Struggling for mobility
April 23
Marilyn has never needed prayer more than now. Today had it's good moments and bad. Marilyn had lots of visitors, mostly family but each person was a blessing to both or us. Cheryl, Marilyn's nurse today worked hard to put together a crew of people to help her to stand up. Her plan was to get Marilyn into a fancy chair that could mold into almost any position and then have her go for a little tour. It was a great idea but more than Marilyn could handle. Marilyn was able to sit up and stand up to a special walker for about 4 minutes but just didn't have the strength to position herself for the chair. Her legs gave out and she slowly sank to the floor. Finally after a few frantic calls for help from the nurses, 2 members of the transfer team arrived, called for some back up and were able to gather her up and place her back into the bed. I felt so bad for her as she lay there on the floor and I was unable to help. I know that she did everything in her power to try and take a few steps. The nurses were upset with themselves for taking her too far and now know that success is a long road ahead. Fortunately Marilyn is in a well-equipped modern facility and before too long the nurses were back with a special sit to stand lift, demonstrating how Marilyn could use it to build the muscles in her legs so she could walk again. With a little persuasion Marilyn tried again and with the help of the lift she was able to stand and get back into bed without incident. Tomorrow the plan will be to have her stand several times with the help of this lift. After all the excitement settled John Teibe blessed us with a special prayer and visit. I left late in the evening, once again trusting Marilyn into God's hands.
Marilyn has never needed prayer more than now. Today had it's good moments and bad. Marilyn had lots of visitors, mostly family but each person was a blessing to both or us. Cheryl, Marilyn's nurse today worked hard to put together a crew of people to help her to stand up. Her plan was to get Marilyn into a fancy chair that could mold into almost any position and then have her go for a little tour. It was a great idea but more than Marilyn could handle. Marilyn was able to sit up and stand up to a special walker for about 4 minutes but just didn't have the strength to position herself for the chair. Her legs gave out and she slowly sank to the floor. Finally after a few frantic calls for help from the nurses, 2 members of the transfer team arrived, called for some back up and were able to gather her up and place her back into the bed. I felt so bad for her as she lay there on the floor and I was unable to help. I know that she did everything in her power to try and take a few steps. The nurses were upset with themselves for taking her too far and now know that success is a long road ahead. Fortunately Marilyn is in a well-equipped modern facility and before too long the nurses were back with a special sit to stand lift, demonstrating how Marilyn could use it to build the muscles in her legs so she could walk again. With a little persuasion Marilyn tried again and with the help of the lift she was able to stand and get back into bed without incident. Tomorrow the plan will be to have her stand several times with the help of this lift. After all the excitement settled John Teibe blessed us with a special prayer and visit. I left late in the evening, once again trusting Marilyn into God's hands.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Struggling To Stay On Top
April 21
Marilyn had a pretty bad day today and wasn't able to get on top of the pain at all. One Doctor said that she might feel relief from the pain soon after the first treatment while the radiation nurses told her that the pain might get worse soon after she went through some radiation. The nurse on the ward thought that maybe her soft set injection port quit working so changed it to a fresh one today. Who is right and what should I believe? Only God knows that answer!! I just know that Marilyn was in a great deal of pain today but Praise God - has been a trooper through it all. This morning she was so depressed and discouraged she just couldn't stop crying when I first came into the room. I spent some time rubbing her back with special anti stress aromatherapy cream and it seemed to help some. I had to leave and go to school for the afternoon to take care of some pressing duties so all I could do was assure her I would make it back to the room before she returned from her third radiation treatment.
Rushing back to the hospital I was afraid I was going to be late to make my promise good so I called the unit as I rolled into the parking lot and was told that she had just left radiation. The Lord was with me all the way - from providing a parking spot right by the front door (unheard of at that time of day), to having an elevator standing by as I walked into the lobby (I have waited up to 10 minutes some afternoons). I walked into her room just as her stretcher was being rolled in. Marilyn was obviously weak with pain but her smile had returned. For the rest of the day we just enjoyed each other’s company as I worked with the nurses to try to find the balance between medication and pain. When her pain continued in it's intensity I chose to believe those who said that more pain was a sign of the treatment working. Around 9 pm we prayed together asking God to give peace and comfort for the night ahead and I left her in the hands of God and the medical staff. My prayer for peace was answered as I drove home listening to the Flames squeak a win out of their first playoff game.
Marilyn had a pretty bad day today and wasn't able to get on top of the pain at all. One Doctor said that she might feel relief from the pain soon after the first treatment while the radiation nurses told her that the pain might get worse soon after she went through some radiation. The nurse on the ward thought that maybe her soft set injection port quit working so changed it to a fresh one today. Who is right and what should I believe? Only God knows that answer!! I just know that Marilyn was in a great deal of pain today but Praise God - has been a trooper through it all. This morning she was so depressed and discouraged she just couldn't stop crying when I first came into the room. I spent some time rubbing her back with special anti stress aromatherapy cream and it seemed to help some. I had to leave and go to school for the afternoon to take care of some pressing duties so all I could do was assure her I would make it back to the room before she returned from her third radiation treatment.
Rushing back to the hospital I was afraid I was going to be late to make my promise good so I called the unit as I rolled into the parking lot and was told that she had just left radiation. The Lord was with me all the way - from providing a parking spot right by the front door (unheard of at that time of day), to having an elevator standing by as I walked into the lobby (I have waited up to 10 minutes some afternoons). I walked into her room just as her stretcher was being rolled in. Marilyn was obviously weak with pain but her smile had returned. For the rest of the day we just enjoyed each other’s company as I worked with the nurses to try to find the balance between medication and pain. When her pain continued in it's intensity I chose to believe those who said that more pain was a sign of the treatment working. Around 9 pm we prayed together asking God to give peace and comfort for the night ahead and I left her in the hands of God and the medical staff. My prayer for peace was answered as I drove home listening to the Flames squeak a win out of their first playoff game.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Struggling With Reality
April 20
I so appreciate everyone who is praying for Marilyn. Today I had to come home early from the hospital. It is so hard to watch her in pain and not be able to make it go away. The doctors ordered a gynecological exam, as they wanted a biopsy from inside her womb. This turned out to be impossible, as she simply can't tolerate the pain. If this has to be done it will only be possible with general anesthesia. She also had her 2nd radiation treatment today as well. Each test takes 1 - 2 hours and requires a transfer team to transport her to different centers in the hospital via a stretcher. Moving from one bed to another is exhausting for her. On top of that the physiotherapist came in 2 times to do exercises with her. Then her specialist (Dr. Shakar) came along and scolded her because she wasn't helping and moving herself around on her own. After all that Marilyn fell into a deep sleep. I busied myself cleaning and straightening up her room, watering flowers etc. I made quite a bit of noise and pushed furniture here and there but she slept right through. I don't think it registered when I told her I was going home, leaving the phone close by and telling her to call when she woke up. At 4 I went straight home, made supper, did the wash and cleaned out the garage and van expecting that sooner or later the phone would ring. The phone never rang and the diversion of working around the house seemed to lift my spirits. In my devotions I read in Corinthians concerning the spiritual gifts that God gives us. Once again I prayed that those with the gift of healing would feel compelled to pray for healing in Marilyn's body. Her life is in Gods hands now - there is nothing more I can do.
I so appreciate everyone who is praying for Marilyn. Today I had to come home early from the hospital. It is so hard to watch her in pain and not be able to make it go away. The doctors ordered a gynecological exam, as they wanted a biopsy from inside her womb. This turned out to be impossible, as she simply can't tolerate the pain. If this has to be done it will only be possible with general anesthesia. She also had her 2nd radiation treatment today as well. Each test takes 1 - 2 hours and requires a transfer team to transport her to different centers in the hospital via a stretcher. Moving from one bed to another is exhausting for her. On top of that the physiotherapist came in 2 times to do exercises with her. Then her specialist (Dr. Shakar) came along and scolded her because she wasn't helping and moving herself around on her own. After all that Marilyn fell into a deep sleep. I busied myself cleaning and straightening up her room, watering flowers etc. I made quite a bit of noise and pushed furniture here and there but she slept right through. I don't think it registered when I told her I was going home, leaving the phone close by and telling her to call when she woke up. At 4 I went straight home, made supper, did the wash and cleaned out the garage and van expecting that sooner or later the phone would ring. The phone never rang and the diversion of working around the house seemed to lift my spirits. In my devotions I read in Corinthians concerning the spiritual gifts that God gives us. Once again I prayed that those with the gift of healing would feel compelled to pray for healing in Marilyn's body. Her life is in Gods hands now - there is nothing more I can do.
Friday, April 7, 2006
Questions, Confusion or Spiritual Battles
April 7
Leaving Marilyn on Thursday night was difficult again because she got so upset every time I went out of the room. She would say don’t leave me or just a minute listen to me. Her mind was drifting in and out of reality. Having Ardith, Stephen and especially Tracey gave me the strength I needed after one of the hardest days I have ever spent. I was able to go home and get a nights sleep even though Marilyn called at 4 in the morning to ask me to bring her walker immediately.
I woke up at 8:30 after about 7 hours of reasonable sleep made and received a couple of phone calls, got up showered and ready in time for the QSP lady to come over and pick up all the magazine orders. After she left I sent out an eBay invoice for 2 Rockwell prints, went to the bank to pay MC and deposit a few checks I had been carrying around then headed up to the hospital.
I was afraid I would be making Marilyn wait after her MRI as time was flying by so I skipped breakfast and lunch and went straight up to the room. Surprisingly as I reached the nursing station I almost ran into Marilyn being wheeled back into her room. When she saw mw she began to call for me to help her and I could see she was very upset and disoriented. I followed the bed into the room and watched as the orderlies tried unsuccessfully to position her on the bed as she cried out in great pain. Seconds later an all call went out and several nurses rushed into the room to assist. Unfortunately Marilyn could not explain how to get her into a comfortable position. When they left I could see that she wasn’t turned properly on her side and I know that she would be feeling horrible. I called the nurses and explained what she needed. It took three nurses to sort of ½ move her on her side but Marilyn was beside herself in pain and confusion.
After the nurses left and I was alone with Marilyn I could see that there was definitely a spiritual battle going on and Marilyn had this evil look that I have never seen before. She reached out and grabbed my hair pulling for all she was worth saying that Satan was doing this to her. Then she demanded that no one but Christians could be in the room with her. The nurses recognized the spiritual need and sent out an emergency call for a chaplain who showed up outside the room within seconds. His name was Rob and he introduced himself to me. Not knowing his background I was unsure of whether or not he should go in with Marilyn. I didn’t know what I should do and then as if on cue Terry Young came walking down the hall. After introducing him to Rob and the nurses we agreed that he should go in to pray with Marilyn which he did (I took this as direct intervention from God) Marilyn still was not settling down and insisted she was in Spokane and that I was lying to her. She seemed to have lost all trust in the nurses and doctors. Terry and I went out to the lounge and talked while the nurses continued to work with Marilyn. Within a few minutes they came to the lounge asking for our assistance to calm Marilyn because she had ripped off her hospital ID and pulled out all her tubes. This time I was forced to scold Marilyn as if she were a little spoiled child but it seemed to work somewhat. At that point she kept giving me the evil eye and saying that I didn’t love her and was lying to her. Then she asked Terry to come close and tried to make a deal with him. She said I promise not to escape if you will fix my leg. Terry assured her that all he could do was pray for her. Marilyn then said “but you have the power” The nurses then asked that Terry pray for her and stayed with us as Terry prayed another beautiful prayer. Finally Marilyn settled down enough for the nurses to re set her tubes and give her a new ID bracelet. So I left again and called John Teibe asking for prayer against the evil one.
On top of all the commotion Dr Hunter and a students also came by to talk to Marilyn. He is a palliative care specialist who was so kind. He leaned over Marilyn’s bed and tried to assure her that everything possible that could be done was being done. I was able to also introduce him to Terry and he stayed for a prayer. He said he worked closely with the whole family and considered them all as patients and was very aware of the importance of spiritual needs.
Throughout the rest of the afternoon Marilyn went in and out of reality remaining very skeptical of me and maintaining that I was lying to her and that I didn’t love her. She asked me if I could see our house out the window and then said – that proves we aren’t in Calgary – we are in Spokane. Then she insisted that I go bring the van to the back door so we could sneak out and go home. That was very upsetting to me but I realized that she was still under the influence of strong meds. She started asking for Faith so I called First Alliance but never connected with her. Instead I was able to get Ruth Bittle on the phone and she talked and prayed with Marilyn for a bit. I also got hold of David who talked to her for a while trying to assure Mom of where she was etc.
Somewhere during all this Dr Lee cam by (Dr. Shacker the bone specialist, resident assistant) asking whether or not they should order general anesthesia for her biopsy on Monday. I decided that due to the risks we should not but just take a local freezing. Now I am praying that Marilyn will be in the right frame of mind for this as this is the final test that allows the Doctors to know exactly what is going on and what treatment regime they need to follow. I took him out into the hall for the conversation because Marilyn was saying that he should not be there with her because he was not a Christian. Out in the hall I explained that even though we were strong Christians ourselves that we would not make judgments against others because of their particular beliefs and that Marilyn wasn’t at all in her right mind so not to worry. His comment was – I don’t even think about those things, as they are not appropriate. So the biopsy will be sometime on Monday and then the doctors will come and explain what the exact treatment will be.
This had fully exhausted me so I decided to go for a bite to eat as it was 5 PM and I had not yet eaten anything. When I asked Marilyn if she would mind me going down for something to eat she flatly said no you can’t go. I did anyway. As I was walking past the chapel something compelled me to stop in and I began flipping through the prayer journal. It felt right to add a prayer so I wrote a prayer for Marilyn and left it there hoping someone would pray over it. From there I went to the window and just looked out over the river and cried inside. The cell phone rang and it was Doug Schroeder. I couldn’t believe God’s timing. We talked and prayed together and then I went and got some soup and hot chocolate.
I was hoping that someone would soon come up to visit and relieve me so I called David just as he pulled into the parking lot. We had a good visit in the lounge while waiting for Tracy. I went down to check on Tracy and a new nurse was in the room prepping Marilyn for a move into a private room. The explanation was that they wanted to relieve her anxiety but I found out later that her roommate asked to have her taken out. I guess there is more ways than one to get your own private room. Anyway I thanked God for this as another intervention. (Afterwards we wondered if perhaps an evil spirit was living in her first room.) When we told Marilyn we were moving her to a private room she thought we were going home again.
David and Tracy helped gather all of Marilyn’s things together and move them down the hall. The new room is nice and quiet with a whole different feeling. With a little help Marilyn was able to get somewhat comfy and I began to massage her thigh. David and Tracy came in and we prayed together with Marilyn. The kids wanted me to go out with them for supper but I declined and stayed until 9 just softly massaging Marilyn. I decided to sing to her to try to soothe. I don’t know if it helped but I thought maybe I could attract some angels to stand guard for the night. This time when I asked to leave I found no resistance so it was much easier to head for home.
In the car on the way home I picked up the cell phone and listened to John Teibe as he told of gathering some prayer warriors together and what he thought we should be praying for. Later when I got home I discovered that at the exact moment I was listening to him on my cell he had arrived in the room and was praying the prayer with Marilyn. Another intervention.
When I got home I Talked to Ardith John Teibe and Dolores, had a slice of bread, some hot tea and chocolate then headed off to bead. I slept till 3 then woke up and decided to write this as a record of the days events. I don’t think I could ever remember everything if I left it. In the middle of writing this I saw Jack Newton on line so talked for a bit and updated him on Marilyn. Its 4:22 so I guess I should go and sleep again as I am tired now.
Over and out
It is 11:30 AM on Saturday and I have had another fairly reasonable sleep. I just woke up to a phone call that hung up, sent out an email to Lyn, Shirley and John Teibe with this journal so that they know what is going on from my perspective. Now I will get myself ready for the next instalment. I'm not sure what to expect so I will lean on the Lord and expect nothing. Maybe I will have time to work on my computer or read so I will take things with me just in case.
Leaving Marilyn on Thursday night was difficult again because she got so upset every time I went out of the room. She would say don’t leave me or just a minute listen to me. Her mind was drifting in and out of reality. Having Ardith, Stephen and especially Tracey gave me the strength I needed after one of the hardest days I have ever spent. I was able to go home and get a nights sleep even though Marilyn called at 4 in the morning to ask me to bring her walker immediately.
I woke up at 8:30 after about 7 hours of reasonable sleep made and received a couple of phone calls, got up showered and ready in time for the QSP lady to come over and pick up all the magazine orders. After she left I sent out an eBay invoice for 2 Rockwell prints, went to the bank to pay MC and deposit a few checks I had been carrying around then headed up to the hospital.
I was afraid I would be making Marilyn wait after her MRI as time was flying by so I skipped breakfast and lunch and went straight up to the room. Surprisingly as I reached the nursing station I almost ran into Marilyn being wheeled back into her room. When she saw mw she began to call for me to help her and I could see she was very upset and disoriented. I followed the bed into the room and watched as the orderlies tried unsuccessfully to position her on the bed as she cried out in great pain. Seconds later an all call went out and several nurses rushed into the room to assist. Unfortunately Marilyn could not explain how to get her into a comfortable position. When they left I could see that she wasn’t turned properly on her side and I know that she would be feeling horrible. I called the nurses and explained what she needed. It took three nurses to sort of ½ move her on her side but Marilyn was beside herself in pain and confusion.
After the nurses left and I was alone with Marilyn I could see that there was definitely a spiritual battle going on and Marilyn had this evil look that I have never seen before. She reached out and grabbed my hair pulling for all she was worth saying that Satan was doing this to her. Then she demanded that no one but Christians could be in the room with her. The nurses recognized the spiritual need and sent out an emergency call for a chaplain who showed up outside the room within seconds. His name was Rob and he introduced himself to me. Not knowing his background I was unsure of whether or not he should go in with Marilyn. I didn’t know what I should do and then as if on cue Terry Young came walking down the hall. After introducing him to Rob and the nurses we agreed that he should go in to pray with Marilyn which he did (I took this as direct intervention from God) Marilyn still was not settling down and insisted she was in Spokane and that I was lying to her. She seemed to have lost all trust in the nurses and doctors. Terry and I went out to the lounge and talked while the nurses continued to work with Marilyn. Within a few minutes they came to the lounge asking for our assistance to calm Marilyn because she had ripped off her hospital ID and pulled out all her tubes. This time I was forced to scold Marilyn as if she were a little spoiled child but it seemed to work somewhat. At that point she kept giving me the evil eye and saying that I didn’t love her and was lying to her. Then she asked Terry to come close and tried to make a deal with him. She said I promise not to escape if you will fix my leg. Terry assured her that all he could do was pray for her. Marilyn then said “but you have the power” The nurses then asked that Terry pray for her and stayed with us as Terry prayed another beautiful prayer. Finally Marilyn settled down enough for the nurses to re set her tubes and give her a new ID bracelet. So I left again and called John Teibe asking for prayer against the evil one.
On top of all the commotion Dr Hunter and a students also came by to talk to Marilyn. He is a palliative care specialist who was so kind. He leaned over Marilyn’s bed and tried to assure her that everything possible that could be done was being done. I was able to also introduce him to Terry and he stayed for a prayer. He said he worked closely with the whole family and considered them all as patients and was very aware of the importance of spiritual needs.
Throughout the rest of the afternoon Marilyn went in and out of reality remaining very skeptical of me and maintaining that I was lying to her and that I didn’t love her. She asked me if I could see our house out the window and then said – that proves we aren’t in Calgary – we are in Spokane. Then she insisted that I go bring the van to the back door so we could sneak out and go home. That was very upsetting to me but I realized that she was still under the influence of strong meds. She started asking for Faith so I called First Alliance but never connected with her. Instead I was able to get Ruth Bittle on the phone and she talked and prayed with Marilyn for a bit. I also got hold of David who talked to her for a while trying to assure Mom of where she was etc.
Somewhere during all this Dr Lee cam by (Dr. Shacker the bone specialist, resident assistant) asking whether or not they should order general anesthesia for her biopsy on Monday. I decided that due to the risks we should not but just take a local freezing. Now I am praying that Marilyn will be in the right frame of mind for this as this is the final test that allows the Doctors to know exactly what is going on and what treatment regime they need to follow. I took him out into the hall for the conversation because Marilyn was saying that he should not be there with her because he was not a Christian. Out in the hall I explained that even though we were strong Christians ourselves that we would not make judgments against others because of their particular beliefs and that Marilyn wasn’t at all in her right mind so not to worry. His comment was – I don’t even think about those things, as they are not appropriate. So the biopsy will be sometime on Monday and then the doctors will come and explain what the exact treatment will be.
This had fully exhausted me so I decided to go for a bite to eat as it was 5 PM and I had not yet eaten anything. When I asked Marilyn if she would mind me going down for something to eat she flatly said no you can’t go. I did anyway. As I was walking past the chapel something compelled me to stop in and I began flipping through the prayer journal. It felt right to add a prayer so I wrote a prayer for Marilyn and left it there hoping someone would pray over it. From there I went to the window and just looked out over the river and cried inside. The cell phone rang and it was Doug Schroeder. I couldn’t believe God’s timing. We talked and prayed together and then I went and got some soup and hot chocolate.
I was hoping that someone would soon come up to visit and relieve me so I called David just as he pulled into the parking lot. We had a good visit in the lounge while waiting for Tracy. I went down to check on Tracy and a new nurse was in the room prepping Marilyn for a move into a private room. The explanation was that they wanted to relieve her anxiety but I found out later that her roommate asked to have her taken out. I guess there is more ways than one to get your own private room. Anyway I thanked God for this as another intervention. (Afterwards we wondered if perhaps an evil spirit was living in her first room.) When we told Marilyn we were moving her to a private room she thought we were going home again.
David and Tracy helped gather all of Marilyn’s things together and move them down the hall. The new room is nice and quiet with a whole different feeling. With a little help Marilyn was able to get somewhat comfy and I began to massage her thigh. David and Tracy came in and we prayed together with Marilyn. The kids wanted me to go out with them for supper but I declined and stayed until 9 just softly massaging Marilyn. I decided to sing to her to try to soothe. I don’t know if it helped but I thought maybe I could attract some angels to stand guard for the night. This time when I asked to leave I found no resistance so it was much easier to head for home.
In the car on the way home I picked up the cell phone and listened to John Teibe as he told of gathering some prayer warriors together and what he thought we should be praying for. Later when I got home I discovered that at the exact moment I was listening to him on my cell he had arrived in the room and was praying the prayer with Marilyn. Another intervention.
When I got home I Talked to Ardith John Teibe and Dolores, had a slice of bread, some hot tea and chocolate then headed off to bead. I slept till 3 then woke up and decided to write this as a record of the days events. I don’t think I could ever remember everything if I left it. In the middle of writing this I saw Jack Newton on line so talked for a bit and updated him on Marilyn. Its 4:22 so I guess I should go and sleep again as I am tired now.
Over and out
It is 11:30 AM on Saturday and I have had another fairly reasonable sleep. I just woke up to a phone call that hung up, sent out an email to Lyn, Shirley and John Teibe with this journal so that they know what is going on from my perspective. Now I will get myself ready for the next instalment. I'm not sure what to expect so I will lean on the Lord and expect nothing. Maybe I will have time to work on my computer or read so I will take things with me just in case.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
New Surroundings But Still Old Feelings
May 22
May long weekend, a time for planting and bringing spring to life. The weather is beautiful – better than most years. I remember our first camping experience together. It was a rain filled and very wet stay at the three sisters campground close to Canmore. For some reason the experience never dampened our love for the outdoors and camping.
But for now, for Marilyn, the outdoors can only be enjoyed via the big picture window in her room. I am thankful for it. It is a great improvement from the claustrophobic prison of a room Marilyn found herself in for the last 6 weeks. I am afraid that the view to the outside has begun to leave her quite depressed, realizing that she can’t participate in life the way she once used to.
We were blessed with a recent visit from one of Marilyn’s cousin’s family just yesterday as they and their six children presented an impromptu concert in her room. I was holding back the tears as they stood by her bedside singing and playing many of Marilyn’s favorite hymns and choruses from her youth. It was so good to see the joy this brought to Marilyn – if only for a short while.
As the day wore on and Marilyn’s pain began to envelop her I again realized the magnitude of the war that was raging in her body. Even though the pain and physical weakness is great, the mental strain is greater. There is such a fine line between knowing how much medication to administer for comfort when each dose clouds her thinking further.
Last night as I was climbing into bed the phone rang. It was Marilyn telling me she wasn’t able to stand the pain – even though she had taken everything she was allowed in the way of narcotics. She just wanted me to be there with her. I couldn’t and didn’t go. It would not have even been safe for me to drive again as tired as I was at the time. A call to the nursing station assured me that everything would be done to help her settle so I had to leave my burden with the nurses and the Lord as I drifted off to sleep.
Today my stepmother (Lyn) who has come to stay with me for a time, and I will go up with Marilyn’s favorite fast food lunch – KFC and diet coke. This is perhaps the worst combination for health and nutrition, but perhaps a pick me up for depression. The exercise regime will be on hold for the weekend as we make the effort to turn Marilyn’s spirits around. Moving is hard at the best of times, and even though this move has many positives attached, the negatives often have a way of overwhelming the good. I will pray for Marilyn to use her strong willpower to fight for control.
May long weekend, a time for planting and bringing spring to life. The weather is beautiful – better than most years. I remember our first camping experience together. It was a rain filled and very wet stay at the three sisters campground close to Canmore. For some reason the experience never dampened our love for the outdoors and camping.
But for now, for Marilyn, the outdoors can only be enjoyed via the big picture window in her room. I am thankful for it. It is a great improvement from the claustrophobic prison of a room Marilyn found herself in for the last 6 weeks. I am afraid that the view to the outside has begun to leave her quite depressed, realizing that she can’t participate in life the way she once used to.
We were blessed with a recent visit from one of Marilyn’s cousin’s family just yesterday as they and their six children presented an impromptu concert in her room. I was holding back the tears as they stood by her bedside singing and playing many of Marilyn’s favorite hymns and choruses from her youth. It was so good to see the joy this brought to Marilyn – if only for a short while.
As the day wore on and Marilyn’s pain began to envelop her I again realized the magnitude of the war that was raging in her body. Even though the pain and physical weakness is great, the mental strain is greater. There is such a fine line between knowing how much medication to administer for comfort when each dose clouds her thinking further.
Last night as I was climbing into bed the phone rang. It was Marilyn telling me she wasn’t able to stand the pain – even though she had taken everything she was allowed in the way of narcotics. She just wanted me to be there with her. I couldn’t and didn’t go. It would not have even been safe for me to drive again as tired as I was at the time. A call to the nursing station assured me that everything would be done to help her settle so I had to leave my burden with the nurses and the Lord as I drifted off to sleep.
Today my stepmother (Lyn) who has come to stay with me for a time, and I will go up with Marilyn’s favorite fast food lunch – KFC and diet coke. This is perhaps the worst combination for health and nutrition, but perhaps a pick me up for depression. The exercise regime will be on hold for the weekend as we make the effort to turn Marilyn’s spirits around. Moving is hard at the best of times, and even though this move has many positives attached, the negatives often have a way of overwhelming the good. I will pray for Marilyn to use her strong willpower to fight for control.
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