Today is Sunday. The last time I went to church was with Marilyn, she only lasted through the first few worship songs before the pain and stomach cramps forced us back home. Today, I am hoping that Marilyn will be able to join us in reality and come back from La La Land where she has been residing for the last 72 hours. Today will be the last time she will see my sister, Shirley for a long time as she heads back to NY on Monday. It will be a difficult good-bye. Both she and Gary have been invaluable to us this last week.
I needed a break from all the stress so yesterday after a short visit with Marilyn we headed off to K county to some of our old favorite haunts. Shirley enjoyed the trip back to her beloved mountains and I loved the serenity. It gave me a chance to think and reflect. I thought back of the many wonderful times our family had spent together on picnics in the summer. The time I watched in horror as my oldest son careened down a mountain path with abandon only to stop short just before a 100 foot drop off into Elbow Falls. Yes those were the good times. Times I will never forget. Times that now bring our family close together.
I don't know if I will ever be able to reminisce about the old times again with Marilyn. I don't even know if she really even knew who I was yesterday. the doctors say that the days to come will tell the story. I know that Shirley, who works daily with an Alzheimer patient is concerned that this might not change. My heart aches with pain to even think of this and tears fill my eyes, as I pray for Marilyn's mental recovery.
Tomorrow the family will meet with medical staff and I pray that Marilyn will be able to contribute. This is her life we are discussing and everyone should be able to have a say in their own destiny. I don't look forward to next week at all but perhaps God has some lessons He wants me to learn. I decided that with all the goings on and stress the past few days I just couldn't face school. I do love the children, their chatter and innocence. I love to help them learn and answer their questions but tomorrow I need to focus on family so I have called in a geed friend and retired teacher who I know will stand well in my place.
I know I don't have to ask for your prayers because I feel them already. Many of you have been so faithful to read my blog and comment. Being alone next week may be what I need even though I am dreading it. I do need think and meditation time and pray that God will meet me there.
XOXO
Bryon
Showing posts with label Journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Journey. Show all posts
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Who holds the future?
The week is drawing to a close and soon it will be time to say goodbye to my sister and her husband. I'm not looking forward to it. Good byes are never easy and in this case it will be even harder. Both Shirley and Gary have been wonderful, helping us through some of the most difficult times we have ever faced.
I knew that when the time came to discuss Marilyn's future with her that I would need a huge amount of support. That support was there in the form of two loving and caring family members. With the realization that Marilyn needs constant 24 hour care also came the need to face the fact that Marilyn may never spend another night in our home. This was a fact that most everyone but Marilyn had already come to terms with. The time had come to break the news to Marilyn. I left the school early today knowing that this might be the most difficult task I had ever tackled in my life.
Upon entering her room I was greeted with a cheery smile from Marilyn and the words "Bryon, we need to talk about the future" I had no difficulty broaching the subject. With the help of Shirley, what I perceived to be an insurmountable issue became a topic of discussion. Once again Shirley made some key connections between family and medical staff, introducing me to Marilyn's social worker and resident physician.
Next week a family meeting will be held involving both Marilyn, myself and all of her hospital care givers. After a long discussion with Garth, the social worker has helped put my mind at ease concerning the next phase of our journey. Once again I must remember that worrying about the future is totally unnecessary when we can bring our problems to the One who knows what the future holds.
Bryon
I knew that when the time came to discuss Marilyn's future with her that I would need a huge amount of support. That support was there in the form of two loving and caring family members. With the realization that Marilyn needs constant 24 hour care also came the need to face the fact that Marilyn may never spend another night in our home. This was a fact that most everyone but Marilyn had already come to terms with. The time had come to break the news to Marilyn. I left the school early today knowing that this might be the most difficult task I had ever tackled in my life.
Upon entering her room I was greeted with a cheery smile from Marilyn and the words "Bryon, we need to talk about the future" I had no difficulty broaching the subject. With the help of Shirley, what I perceived to be an insurmountable issue became a topic of discussion. Once again Shirley made some key connections between family and medical staff, introducing me to Marilyn's social worker and resident physician.
Next week a family meeting will be held involving both Marilyn, myself and all of her hospital care givers. After a long discussion with Garth, the social worker has helped put my mind at ease concerning the next phase of our journey. Once again I must remember that worrying about the future is totally unnecessary when we can bring our problems to the One who knows what the future holds.
Bryon
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
My heart cries out
Sometimes it is hard to know what to write even though much is bottled up inside. The last few days my time with Marilyn has been limited to only a few minutes each day. Family and friends have been so faithful to be there for the two of us lately even though at times I don't know how I can go on. Marilyn's sweet personality has sifted through the clouds of confusion and drug induced drowsiness often in the last few visits giving me glimmers of hope. So often though, the hope is shattered with the realization of reality. The reality that although radiation treatments have the ability to slow cancer cells, reduce pain and shrink tumors, it can also damage perfectly good normal cells and tissue, sometimes with irreversible consequences.
I wish so much that I could simply gather her up and make all the sickness, suffering and pain disappear but I know that is impossible. Looking around our home I see constant reminders of happy days and try to focus on these moments instead of the harsh facts that I know we must face. Watching Marilyn valiantly struggle fills my mind with questions about our future. Questions I know that will soon need answers If only I could brush aside the negatives and see only the positive, but that isn't possible. I know that some of the lessons we face will need the guidance that only God can give.
Marilyn's smile returned today and her eyes had that familiar dancing twinkle. A home cooked meal supplied by a dear friend seemed to bring back the spark that I thought might be gone forever. The pain that has plagued Marilyn's body seemed not to be an issue for the few moments I was able to spend in the room today. But as I listened to my sister give account of the total days events I knew deep down that what I could see on the surface was not the whole picture. What lurks beneath the surface is a truthful scary reality.
The support I have received through all who have stopped by to read and comment on this blog has been nothing but inspiring to me. It has often given me strength and motivation I needed to face each new day. Thank you all so much for everything that has been done on Marilyn's behalf and please continue to pray. I feel that the days ahead are most crucial. It has amazed me that so many have stopped by for a look and maybe to read. I am sure I don't know all of you nor do I deserve your care. I do know this though - Marilyn has touched many hearts of those she has ministered to over the net. Whether or not she agrees with me - I feel that somehow her efforts are being rewarded by your cares and prayers.
Thanks from the bottom of my heart.
Bryon
PS As of this week the blog has earned over $100 towards the support of the "Children's Garden Orphanage" Thanks for clicking.
I wish so much that I could simply gather her up and make all the sickness, suffering and pain disappear but I know that is impossible. Looking around our home I see constant reminders of happy days and try to focus on these moments instead of the harsh facts that I know we must face. Watching Marilyn valiantly struggle fills my mind with questions about our future. Questions I know that will soon need answers If only I could brush aside the negatives and see only the positive, but that isn't possible. I know that some of the lessons we face will need the guidance that only God can give.
Marilyn's smile returned today and her eyes had that familiar dancing twinkle. A home cooked meal supplied by a dear friend seemed to bring back the spark that I thought might be gone forever. The pain that has plagued Marilyn's body seemed not to be an issue for the few moments I was able to spend in the room today. But as I listened to my sister give account of the total days events I knew deep down that what I could see on the surface was not the whole picture. What lurks beneath the surface is a truthful scary reality.
The support I have received through all who have stopped by to read and comment on this blog has been nothing but inspiring to me. It has often given me strength and motivation I needed to face each new day. Thank you all so much for everything that has been done on Marilyn's behalf and please continue to pray. I feel that the days ahead are most crucial. It has amazed me that so many have stopped by for a look and maybe to read. I am sure I don't know all of you nor do I deserve your care. I do know this though - Marilyn has touched many hearts of those she has ministered to over the net. Whether or not she agrees with me - I feel that somehow her efforts are being rewarded by your cares and prayers.
Thanks from the bottom of my heart.
Bryon
PS As of this week the blog has earned over $100 towards the support of the "Children's Garden Orphanage" Thanks for clicking.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
An upward battle
I would like to write a lot more these days but time does not permit it. Between school and the hospital, my life is whirling by without time to do much of anything else.
The last few days have seen Marilyn improve drastically in the area of mental awareness. Although this is very good news and we hope the trend will continue, Marilyn's physical condition remains a great concern. Because there is never enough help in this area, Marilyn is often left waiting in bed with not much assitance in order to get mobile. All the while her muscels continue a downard spiral of atrophy and decline. At this point in time, Marilyn is unable to even turn over in bed under her own steam although she often gives it a valiant effort.
Today a new team of therapists will be taking on the task of rehabilitation for Marilyn, and the main order of the day was to stand beside the bed for a few moments. Of course the lateast move into a new ward has also resulted in a whole new medical team complete with more CT scans, blood work and medication changes. So far these adjustments have seen positive results, but as I left today after only a few minutes of visit time, I could see that Marilyn was extremely exhausted. Just a few more minutes of trying to stay conected to the waking world would have been too much for her.
This week my sister, Sherley and her husband, Gary have been invaluable, helping me to just keep afloat. I even had a real lunch today at school thanks to Shirley. Also instead of bare racks in the refrigerator, I have been treated to full shelves of fresh fruit and groceries. I can't thank them enough for all their kindness.
Once again thank you for the visits, cards and support we both have felt.
Bryon
The last few days have seen Marilyn improve drastically in the area of mental awareness. Although this is very good news and we hope the trend will continue, Marilyn's physical condition remains a great concern. Because there is never enough help in this area, Marilyn is often left waiting in bed with not much assitance in order to get mobile. All the while her muscels continue a downard spiral of atrophy and decline. At this point in time, Marilyn is unable to even turn over in bed under her own steam although she often gives it a valiant effort.
Today a new team of therapists will be taking on the task of rehabilitation for Marilyn, and the main order of the day was to stand beside the bed for a few moments. Of course the lateast move into a new ward has also resulted in a whole new medical team complete with more CT scans, blood work and medication changes. So far these adjustments have seen positive results, but as I left today after only a few minutes of visit time, I could see that Marilyn was extremely exhausted. Just a few more minutes of trying to stay conected to the waking world would have been too much for her.
This week my sister, Sherley and her husband, Gary have been invaluable, helping me to just keep afloat. I even had a real lunch today at school thanks to Shirley. Also instead of bare racks in the refrigerator, I have been treated to full shelves of fresh fruit and groceries. I can't thank them enough for all their kindness.
Once again thank you for the visits, cards and support we both have felt.
Bryon
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Tired but not sleepy
It has been a very long day. Not just for myself but also for my family. My sister, Shirley and her husband Gary, have kindly consented to fly in from their home in New York and spend the next week here with me. Shirley is a retired nurse and will be spending some much appreciated quality time with Marilyn during the next week.
After this past week of another normal but highly hectic school startup activities, I am ready for a break. My day today began at 6 AM after only 3 very short hours of sleep. Somehow a shot of adrenaline kicked in as I met my first class and before I knew it the day was gone along with my students. Friday is meeting day - something I never look forward to and today was no different but somehow I managed to make it thorough, staying late again to prepare for the first real week of learning.
My step mother also came in from Creston for a visit as she was passing through on her way to the Maritimes for a much anticipated Fall vacation. Along with immediate family, several others also dropped in for a visit today. Marilyn's cousin Don and his wife Doloris as well as a very dear friend who had just heard of Marilyn's latest hospital confinement.
I arrived up at the hospital room fairly late to find Marilyn in her usual sedated state appearing quite unaware of the many visitors who had passed by her bedside during the day. Knowing that she hardly knew whether or not I was coming or going I decided to chat with the nurses and her doctor and, after a few reassuring words with Marilyn, left to spend a few hours with Lyn before she began her Maritime holiday.
It was after 1 Am when I finally arrived home from the airport with my sister and her husband. The three of us hardly said a word as we headed off to the comfort of our beds, hoping that a much needed rest would find us refreshed in the morning. Not so for me though, as my mind just didn't want to sleep and won't shut off. So here I am typing away with my eyes closed praying that I will soon be able to drift off and wondering when Marilyn will regain control of her mind.
The new doctor who has now taken on Marilyn's care will be changing her medicines from a very potent form of morphine to methadone tomorrow as well as beginning to taper off her intake of steroids. Both he and I concur that the very high doses of narcotics have been the main cause of all her delirium but as a precaution he has also ordered another CT scan of her brain. Please pray that nothing will be found to be abnormal there.
I can now feel the sleep finally prying at my brain so must take advantage of the moment. I will forego proofreading and hope that my typing skills are good enough for others to decipher what I have written.
Good night (or should I say good morning) at any rate whatever it is I hope sleep will finally take over and give me some rest.
Bryon
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Looking back to the future
Today was Marilyn's last radiation treatment. Whether or not there will be any positive results from this still remains to be seen. I took some time to read back in my journal and discovered that the feelings I had 2 years ago, (shortly after her radiation treatments had ended) were almost identical to how I feel today. Below is my entry from early May of 2006
Questions without answers
"May 2, 2006
In some ways time has been rushing by and in other ways it has stood still. When I think that we are approaching the 1st month anniversary of Marilyn’s admittance to the hospital it is hard to believe how long it has been. One day seems to blend into another and time seems to stand still. Wishing, hoping and praying that the pain that is so disabling will subside, I watch as Marilyn begins the incredibly slow process of rehabilitation. Yes, there has been some progress – but it has been so slow and so painful. Today she sat up by herself, stood up (with the help of a lift) beside her bed and did some knee bending exercises. The physiotherapist is happy with the progress but discouragement and fear are still written all over Marilyn’s face.
Will I ever walk again, and why should I even bother make the effort, are questions I hear her ask as she anticipates the dread of tomorrow’s exercise regime. On the other side of the coin, I also see the look of determination as she fights to sit and then stand to face the daily workout. Marilyn’s sweet personality, constant sense of humor and Christian testimony have earned her many new friends among the medical staff. Nurses often drop by or stop me in the corridors to check on her condition. I pray daily that God will help Marilyn focus on her inner strength and overcome her fears.
The visits from family and friends have been so encouraging. Knowing that so many are praying sustains and holds us fast. Thanks for your calls of concern. While watching 100 Huntley Street this morning I was reminded that if God can call each star by name, surely He knows and cares about what we are going through."
Questions without answers
"May 2, 2006
In some ways time has been rushing by and in other ways it has stood still. When I think that we are approaching the 1st month anniversary of Marilyn’s admittance to the hospital it is hard to believe how long it has been. One day seems to blend into another and time seems to stand still. Wishing, hoping and praying that the pain that is so disabling will subside, I watch as Marilyn begins the incredibly slow process of rehabilitation. Yes, there has been some progress – but it has been so slow and so painful. Today she sat up by herself, stood up (with the help of a lift) beside her bed and did some knee bending exercises. The physiotherapist is happy with the progress but discouragement and fear are still written all over Marilyn’s face.
Will I ever walk again, and why should I even bother make the effort, are questions I hear her ask as she anticipates the dread of tomorrow’s exercise regime. On the other side of the coin, I also see the look of determination as she fights to sit and then stand to face the daily workout. Marilyn’s sweet personality, constant sense of humor and Christian testimony have earned her many new friends among the medical staff. Nurses often drop by or stop me in the corridors to check on her condition. I pray daily that God will help Marilyn focus on her inner strength and overcome her fears.
The visits from family and friends have been so encouraging. Knowing that so many are praying sustains and holds us fast. Thanks for your calls of concern. While watching 100 Huntley Street this morning I was reminded that if God can call each star by name, surely He knows and cares about what we are going through."
Based on the experience of 2 years ago of what Marilyn went through, I know the road ahead will be long and difficult. I pray that God will grant her another opportunity to make the journey again.
Marilyn is hardly ready to begin the trip. At the moment she lies motionless with barely enough energy to even open her eyelids. Her mind constantly drifts in and out of reality as doctors collaborate looking for a new method to counteract her present state of mind and physical condition. Today the decision was made to transfer Marilyn to an intensive care facility in the palliative care unit where she will receive specialized attention. I was pleasantly surprised when the nurse on duty introduced herself to me as one of my former band students and even more pleased to learn that the doctor now in charge of her care was the same kind physician who was instrumental in admitting Marilyn to hospital one month ago.
I know from experience that Marilyn will need every ounce of energy she possesses along with your prayers and the capable guidance of the hospital medical staff to cross the mountain ahead. With God's help we will begin our climb, clutching to his promise in Psalms 23. "Yea though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we will fear no evil for you are with us..."
At the moment I have no idea as to how much Marilyn can even comprehend. I believe that she understands and is aware of much of what is happening around her but strong medication has trapped her inside a cloak of confusion and clouded thoughts. We welcome your visits to her bedside. Marilyn's favorite activity comes from visiting with people. Her concern for others far outweighs her worries over her own condition. Feel free to call or drop in for a short visit. Your presence will be sure to energize her spirits. Her new room is located on ward 47 of the Foothills Tom Baker Cancer Center. - 4714 (bed 2)
In God we Trust
Bryon And Marilyn
Monday, September 1, 2008
Moving Onward and Upward.
Even though Marilyn remains very sedated and somewhat confused, she has had a better day. It is painful to watch as she gropes to think of the words she wants to say, but as the day wore on, so also did her understanding and interpretation of things. The doctor called me this morning to explain what she was going to do for Marilyn today.
First of all, Marilyn got a fancy new bed that will automatically change pressure points when someone is lying on it. Secondly, due to her low blood count, Marilyn was given a blood transfusion-mostly to bring up her hemoglobin count to over 100 (this is required for radiation therapy to be effective). Finally, the pain medication she is currently on is under scrutiny in order to find that delicate balance where the pain is under control and the mind can function normally. I am looking forward to tomorrow when hopefully this downward trend will once again swing upwards.
Tomorrow will be a big day for many as it is the official first day of classes. Students will be excited, parents will be ecstatic and teachers will be frazzled. Marilyn will also be continuing her trips down the elevator for her 3rd radiation treatment. Thank you all for your prayers and kind words, Tomorrow I will be one of the frazzled ones so I must get off to sleep.
Bryon
First of all, Marilyn got a fancy new bed that will automatically change pressure points when someone is lying on it. Secondly, due to her low blood count, Marilyn was given a blood transfusion-mostly to bring up her hemoglobin count to over 100 (this is required for radiation therapy to be effective). Finally, the pain medication she is currently on is under scrutiny in order to find that delicate balance where the pain is under control and the mind can function normally. I am looking forward to tomorrow when hopefully this downward trend will once again swing upwards.
Tomorrow will be a big day for many as it is the official first day of classes. Students will be excited, parents will be ecstatic and teachers will be frazzled. Marilyn will also be continuing her trips down the elevator for her 3rd radiation treatment. Thank you all for your prayers and kind words, Tomorrow I will be one of the frazzled ones so I must get off to sleep.
Bryon
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Finding strength
August 27, 2008
Today was my first official day back to school, although I have been back unofficially for the last week. I have taken on a new responsibility in the field of computers and media technology, which has kept me hopping. Although the work has eaten up 110% of any leisure time I might have had, it has been therapeutic, giving me something to focus on other than Marilyn’s condition. It has also allowed me to be more objective in assessing Marilyn’s progress between visits to the hospital.
Happily I can say that in the last 3 days Marilyn has responded very favorably to the care and treatments being administered. Today she commented on being ravishingly hungry and when I entered the room I found her partially sitting up, while polishing off at least ¾ of her supper. When I asked her if the food was tasting better now that she was feeling stronger she answered,
Today was my first official day back to school, although I have been back unofficially for the last week. I have taken on a new responsibility in the field of computers and media technology, which has kept me hopping. Although the work has eaten up 110% of any leisure time I might have had, it has been therapeutic, giving me something to focus on other than Marilyn’s condition. It has also allowed me to be more objective in assessing Marilyn’s progress between visits to the hospital.
Happily I can say that in the last 3 days Marilyn has responded very favorably to the care and treatments being administered. Today she commented on being ravishingly hungry and when I entered the room I found her partially sitting up, while polishing off at least ¾ of her supper. When I asked her if the food was tasting better now that she was feeling stronger she answered,
“Absolutely not, it still all tastes like cardboard, I’m just so hungry, I will eat anything."
I told her to look forward to a celebration at a nice restaurant as soon as she was allowed to go home.
Probably the most encouraging sign is that much of Marilyn’s confusion is beginning to clear. Although she still struggles to separate facts from fantasy, it is refreshing to be able to believe “most” of her stories and accounts of doctor’s visits. Lately Marilyn has been lasting longer between narcotic pain killer requests. In fact today, when the evening nurse asked her if she needed a pill for pain, she answered, “no, I haven’t had much pain at all this afternoon.” Upon checking we discovered that she hadn’t had any extra breakthrough pain control all afternoon. I am sure that this trend is contributing to a much clearer mind.
Once again I can’t thank everyone enough for all the prayers that have gone up on Marilyn’s behalf. Today we have felt God’s promise from Isaiah 41 first hand -
Probably the most encouraging sign is that much of Marilyn’s confusion is beginning to clear. Although she still struggles to separate facts from fantasy, it is refreshing to be able to believe “most” of her stories and accounts of doctor’s visits. Lately Marilyn has been lasting longer between narcotic pain killer requests. In fact today, when the evening nurse asked her if she needed a pill for pain, she answered, “no, I haven’t had much pain at all this afternoon.” Upon checking we discovered that she hadn’t had any extra breakthrough pain control all afternoon. I am sure that this trend is contributing to a much clearer mind.
Once again I can’t thank everyone enough for all the prayers that have gone up on Marilyn’s behalf. Today we have felt God’s promise from Isaiah 41 first hand -
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Tomorrow, the treatment we have waited so long for will begin. Marilyn’s oncologist, Dr. Dowden was successful in fast tracking all the planning and preparation for this so at 9:15 on Thursday August 28, the first of several radiation treatments begins. Marilyn is ready for whatever is in store for her future and is praying that through her experiences she can inspire others.
Love to all
Marilyn & Bryon
Tomorrow, the treatment we have waited so long for will begin. Marilyn’s oncologist, Dr. Dowden was successful in fast tracking all the planning and preparation for this so at 9:15 on Thursday August 28, the first of several radiation treatments begins. Marilyn is ready for whatever is in store for her future and is praying that through her experiences she can inspire others.
Love to all
Marilyn & Bryon
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Life Is A Roller Coaster Ride
August 25 2008
Monday was quite the roller coaster ride with huge valleys between the peaks. I think the ride was more for me than for Marilyn because it seems her mind is so clouded by medication that she isn’t aware of the difference between reality and fantasy.
Happy with the progress towards mobility over the weekend I thought I would make a big effort to go for more walks, encourage sitting up for meals, maybe some reading, computer chatting or perhaps a bit of TV. With this in mind I rose early for a quick stop at the hospital and then on to one of the first busy days I had planned in a long while. Well, the quick stop turned into a 2-hour fiasco between trying to decipher Marilyn’s rather wild stories and the frustration of watching her struggle to comprehend how one uses their legs and feet for the purpose of standing. With much effort and the encouragement of 2 nurses and myself she did finally manage to achieve a rather wobbly standing position for a few short minutes ending up with knees buckling and flopping back onto her bed. I was thankful the idea of the walk had been aborted during the ordeal. Marilyn then sank into a seemingly deep drug induced coma-like sleep and I left her company to tackle the many tasks I had scheduled for myself.
A call from the doctor reporting that recent lab results seemed good with infections and kidney functions beginning to return to normal put my mind at ease, but still no confirmation as to why her blood platelet count was so low. However, the complete report was not in as yet. Later in the afternoon my spirits rose even more when I answered the phone to Marilyn’s cheery and totally normal voice telling me that Pastor Ray was in for a visit at the moment and that the doctors had been “all smiles” when they informed her that with such good progress she would be heading home soon. My mind began to whirl – “is this fact or fiction” I thought. The stories I hear Marilyn telling are so completely different from my own first hand observations. The next call sent me skidding down into the valley again as Marilyn barely could whisper how much pain she was having. All I could do was encourage her to call the nurse, Not being able to even reach out with a reassuring touch is so difficult and frustrating from the far side of a telephone conversation.
The rest of the evening I immersed myself into helping my oldest son move furniture into his newly renovated basement knowing that all I could do was commit this into God’s hands. Not long into our work the phone rang once again, but this time it was for Tracie, our daughter in law. Once again Marilyn was her cheery old self – this time reporting that Tracie’s mom and a friend were in for a visit. Up went my spirits again – staying that way for the rest of the evening.
As I lie in bed on a new day, listening to the rain and realizing that I need to put the gardening tools and lawn mower away, I can’t help but wonder about the rather baffling shift of events of yesterday. I need to focus on today, leave the future to God and put the past behind. Also I need to catch a few more winks before I get up to face the morning.
Bryon
Monday was quite the roller coaster ride with huge valleys between the peaks. I think the ride was more for me than for Marilyn because it seems her mind is so clouded by medication that she isn’t aware of the difference between reality and fantasy.
Happy with the progress towards mobility over the weekend I thought I would make a big effort to go for more walks, encourage sitting up for meals, maybe some reading, computer chatting or perhaps a bit of TV. With this in mind I rose early for a quick stop at the hospital and then on to one of the first busy days I had planned in a long while. Well, the quick stop turned into a 2-hour fiasco between trying to decipher Marilyn’s rather wild stories and the frustration of watching her struggle to comprehend how one uses their legs and feet for the purpose of standing. With much effort and the encouragement of 2 nurses and myself she did finally manage to achieve a rather wobbly standing position for a few short minutes ending up with knees buckling and flopping back onto her bed. I was thankful the idea of the walk had been aborted during the ordeal. Marilyn then sank into a seemingly deep drug induced coma-like sleep and I left her company to tackle the many tasks I had scheduled for myself.
A call from the doctor reporting that recent lab results seemed good with infections and kidney functions beginning to return to normal put my mind at ease, but still no confirmation as to why her blood platelet count was so low. However, the complete report was not in as yet. Later in the afternoon my spirits rose even more when I answered the phone to Marilyn’s cheery and totally normal voice telling me that Pastor Ray was in for a visit at the moment and that the doctors had been “all smiles” when they informed her that with such good progress she would be heading home soon. My mind began to whirl – “is this fact or fiction” I thought. The stories I hear Marilyn telling are so completely different from my own first hand observations. The next call sent me skidding down into the valley again as Marilyn barely could whisper how much pain she was having. All I could do was encourage her to call the nurse, Not being able to even reach out with a reassuring touch is so difficult and frustrating from the far side of a telephone conversation.
The rest of the evening I immersed myself into helping my oldest son move furniture into his newly renovated basement knowing that all I could do was commit this into God’s hands. Not long into our work the phone rang once again, but this time it was for Tracie, our daughter in law. Once again Marilyn was her cheery old self – this time reporting that Tracie’s mom and a friend were in for a visit. Up went my spirits again – staying that way for the rest of the evening.
As I lie in bed on a new day, listening to the rain and realizing that I need to put the gardening tools and lawn mower away, I can’t help but wonder about the rather baffling shift of events of yesterday. I need to focus on today, leave the future to God and put the past behind. Also I need to catch a few more winks before I get up to face the morning.
Bryon
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Rest doesn't come easy
It is almost 6 am Tuesday morning and I haven't slept much through the night. I left the hospital at about 8 p.m. Monday night, exhausted by the days events. There is just a few days left before school starts and I need to be ready for that as well as spend as much time as I can with Marilyn. When I arrived at the hospital Marilyn was not in her room so I assumed she had been taken down for her first radiation treatment. After a rather frustrating search I found out that she was off for an Ultrasound (something I wasn't aware that was going to happen) Unfortunately, I had accidently set my cell phone to "silent" and I missed Marilyn's call to let me know. When I finally found her she was just arriving back to the room somewhat disoriented and very tired. After a few words she soon closed her eyes and I sat visiting with her dad and Dorothy who had thankfully arrived in time for the tests and were able to go down with her. The rest Marilyn so desperately needed was made impossible by constant interruptions from nurses and of course sitting in her room and chatting away probably didn't help much either.
Part way through the afternoon we were informed that Marilyn would be moved. This has become a regular occurrence - One of Marilyn's roommates informed me that she had been moved 3 times in 4 days. Being moved to accommodate another patient with a more urgent need is something you come to expect here. Unfortunately, the hospital policy that it is ok for men and women to share both rooms and bathroom facilities is one that neither Marilyn or I are comfortable with so for the third time I had to advocate for Marilyn's rights based on her moral stance and our ethical values. Thankfully cool heads and intelligence prevailed and Marilyn was allowed to move across the hall with another lady. Moving however, means that all the spaces to be newly occupied and vacated must be thoroughly cleaned and de-germed creating more fuss and ruckus around Marilyn's bedside. In the end I could see that not only was she totally exhausted but also becoming more and more confused - probably brought on by the extreme heavy doses of several types of medications. When it came time to move we decided that Marilyn should attempt to go for a short walk but Marilyn could hardly mover her legs. She did although manage to walk a short distance down the hall before in her words "seizing up totally". Because the room wasn't quite ready yet, I took her on a wheel chair ride around the unit and by the time we returned Marilyn was completely befuddled and hardly knew where she was. With some assistance the staff and I were able to get her back to bed and settled but by this time she could barely speak.
I came home both tired and upset from the days events only to find out that the lock on our front door had decided to cease to function properly and also due to the hot weather of the day the flowers were gasping for a drink. Upon checking our automatic watering system I discovered a few kinks that needed fixing and then focused my attention on the door. I managed to temporarily repair it but not before having to take it off it's hinges and manhandle the old lock bolt out of it's socket. After all that I thought I would fall asleep and stay there for hours but sleep didn't come easy. Now that I have written this I do feel tired - hopefully I can get in an hour or so before I head off to the hospital for another adventure.
Part way through the afternoon we were informed that Marilyn would be moved. This has become a regular occurrence - One of Marilyn's roommates informed me that she had been moved 3 times in 4 days. Being moved to accommodate another patient with a more urgent need is something you come to expect here. Unfortunately, the hospital policy that it is ok for men and women to share both rooms and bathroom facilities is one that neither Marilyn or I are comfortable with so for the third time I had to advocate for Marilyn's rights based on her moral stance and our ethical values. Thankfully cool heads and intelligence prevailed and Marilyn was allowed to move across the hall with another lady. Moving however, means that all the spaces to be newly occupied and vacated must be thoroughly cleaned and de-germed creating more fuss and ruckus around Marilyn's bedside. In the end I could see that not only was she totally exhausted but also becoming more and more confused - probably brought on by the extreme heavy doses of several types of medications. When it came time to move we decided that Marilyn should attempt to go for a short walk but Marilyn could hardly mover her legs. She did although manage to walk a short distance down the hall before in her words "seizing up totally". Because the room wasn't quite ready yet, I took her on a wheel chair ride around the unit and by the time we returned Marilyn was completely befuddled and hardly knew where she was. With some assistance the staff and I were able to get her back to bed and settled but by this time she could barely speak.
I came home both tired and upset from the days events only to find out that the lock on our front door had decided to cease to function properly and also due to the hot weather of the day the flowers were gasping for a drink. Upon checking our automatic watering system I discovered a few kinks that needed fixing and then focused my attention on the door. I managed to temporarily repair it but not before having to take it off it's hinges and manhandle the old lock bolt out of it's socket. After all that I thought I would fall asleep and stay there for hours but sleep didn't come easy. Now that I have written this I do feel tired - hopefully I can get in an hour or so before I head off to the hospital for another adventure.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
The Weekend Is For Resting
Dear friends and family
The scans, tests and probes are in the past and as I write this Marilyn is quietly resting, hoping to build up strength for the treatment scheduled to begin on Monday. The days have been long as doctors seek to gain more control of this intense pain. This weekend, Marilyn has no limits on requests for medication. This is to enable the physicians an opportunity to assess what Marilyn’s actual pain dosage should be. She was told not to be brave and just ask for more if the pain worsened. This has helped her pain somewhat but is also contributing to extreme drowsiness, fatigue and on occasion, a bit of confusion.
I have only been able to look on, watching her wince in pain at almost every little movement. 80 percent of the time Marilyn has her eyes closed as she tries to remain absolutely still while the pain subsides. I am thankful that she is trying to follow some non-threatening exercise suggestions from her physiotherapist like getting up for the bathroom and short walks to the nurse’s station and back. However after each episode of movement the pain escalates and she is relegated back to her still position on her side for another time of motionless rest.
During all of this I have been updating and preparing this Internet blog of all of my journals right back to April of 2006. By using this website blog, I will be able to continually update Marilyn’s condition as well as journal my thoughts and feelings of this life journey we have found ourselves a part of. At the end of each entry is an opportunity to comment back and I will be happy to publish the comments unless you request for it to remain private. This will be much easier for me to keep you informed as to where we are in the journey without adding to the long list of non-essential emails in your mailbox.
I know that some people would rather not join the Internet blog buzz and I respect that. For this reason I will still send emails from time to time to keep you updated. I will however be limiting emails from now on and try to be more active on the blog. It is now up and running with all of the entries I have ever written on this subject so feel free to take a look by either clicking on this link - http://mseeley.blogspot.com/ - or by copying and pasting the URL directly into your browser. Please let me know if this is not working for you and I will try to solve the issue.
Once again thanks for all your wonderful prayers and HAPPY BLOGGING!!
Bryon
The scans, tests and probes are in the past and as I write this Marilyn is quietly resting, hoping to build up strength for the treatment scheduled to begin on Monday. The days have been long as doctors seek to gain more control of this intense pain. This weekend, Marilyn has no limits on requests for medication. This is to enable the physicians an opportunity to assess what Marilyn’s actual pain dosage should be. She was told not to be brave and just ask for more if the pain worsened. This has helped her pain somewhat but is also contributing to extreme drowsiness, fatigue and on occasion, a bit of confusion.
I have only been able to look on, watching her wince in pain at almost every little movement. 80 percent of the time Marilyn has her eyes closed as she tries to remain absolutely still while the pain subsides. I am thankful that she is trying to follow some non-threatening exercise suggestions from her physiotherapist like getting up for the bathroom and short walks to the nurse’s station and back. However after each episode of movement the pain escalates and she is relegated back to her still position on her side for another time of motionless rest.
During all of this I have been updating and preparing this Internet blog of all of my journals right back to April of 2006. By using this website blog, I will be able to continually update Marilyn’s condition as well as journal my thoughts and feelings of this life journey we have found ourselves a part of. At the end of each entry is an opportunity to comment back and I will be happy to publish the comments unless you request for it to remain private. This will be much easier for me to keep you informed as to where we are in the journey without adding to the long list of non-essential emails in your mailbox.
I know that some people would rather not join the Internet blog buzz and I respect that. For this reason I will still send emails from time to time to keep you updated. I will however be limiting emails from now on and try to be more active on the blog. It is now up and running with all of the entries I have ever written on this subject so feel free to take a look by either clicking on this link - http://mseeley.blogspot.com/ - or by copying and pasting the URL directly into your browser. Please let me know if this is not working for you and I will try to solve the issue.
Once again thanks for all your wonderful prayers and HAPPY BLOGGING!!
Bryon
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
A Plan for Treatment
August 12, 2008
After a full week of waiting, praying and enduring much pain, we have finally met and consulted with our oncologist. A plan for treatment is now in the process of being formulated.
During the last two days new X-Rays and Bone Scans have revealed that most likely, Marilyn’s source of pain is being created from her original tumor that has once again begun to eat away at her pelvic bone. Apparently the spots first noted on her femur are not of concern at the moment and we are thanking God for this small tidbit of good news. There is a new growth on the right side of her pelvis but once again this does not seem to be causing problems at the moment and for the time being will be left alone.
Over the last few days, pain control has been more successful – enough that Marilyn was able to walk to the bathroom today on her own steam and take a shower with assistance from the nurse. (During her last episode in the hospital it took weeks of recuperative therapy before this much mobility could be accomplished) Marilyn is very tentative when it comes to stepping out and taking these risks so it will take the right kind of encouragement and therapeutic guidance to keep this positive flow going.
As far as treatment is concerned, the doctor has ordered radiation to begin ASAP and will request a physiotherapist and occupational therapist to visit soon with the purpose of setting up a proper exercise regime and recuperation program to be put into action. Radiation is expected to be the quickest acting and most effective means to relieve Marilyn’s pain however it doesn’t come without some serious risk and because this will be the second time radiation will be delivered to the same place in her body there is a chance that it will not be as effective as the first time.
We know that much prayer has gone up on behalf of Marilyn already and I am sure that these concerns will be once again laid out at the feet of Jesus. I hope that you know how much your care and prayer is appreciated. We have been commanded not to worry and although it seems hard, at times it gives me great peace to know we have One who cares about both the small and great problems in our lives. Today Marilyn has spent 90 % of her time in the sleep mode - probably a good way to gain the much-needed strength for the days ahead. She did rally this evening when our son and his newly expectant wife arrived for a visit. The thought of her first grandchild always brings joy and helps melt away the pain.
Love (as always)
Bryon
After a full week of waiting, praying and enduring much pain, we have finally met and consulted with our oncologist. A plan for treatment is now in the process of being formulated.
During the last two days new X-Rays and Bone Scans have revealed that most likely, Marilyn’s source of pain is being created from her original tumor that has once again begun to eat away at her pelvic bone. Apparently the spots first noted on her femur are not of concern at the moment and we are thanking God for this small tidbit of good news. There is a new growth on the right side of her pelvis but once again this does not seem to be causing problems at the moment and for the time being will be left alone.
Over the last few days, pain control has been more successful – enough that Marilyn was able to walk to the bathroom today on her own steam and take a shower with assistance from the nurse. (During her last episode in the hospital it took weeks of recuperative therapy before this much mobility could be accomplished) Marilyn is very tentative when it comes to stepping out and taking these risks so it will take the right kind of encouragement and therapeutic guidance to keep this positive flow going.
As far as treatment is concerned, the doctor has ordered radiation to begin ASAP and will request a physiotherapist and occupational therapist to visit soon with the purpose of setting up a proper exercise regime and recuperation program to be put into action. Radiation is expected to be the quickest acting and most effective means to relieve Marilyn’s pain however it doesn’t come without some serious risk and because this will be the second time radiation will be delivered to the same place in her body there is a chance that it will not be as effective as the first time.
We know that much prayer has gone up on behalf of Marilyn already and I am sure that these concerns will be once again laid out at the feet of Jesus. I hope that you know how much your care and prayer is appreciated. We have been commanded not to worry and although it seems hard, at times it gives me great peace to know we have One who cares about both the small and great problems in our lives. Today Marilyn has spent 90 % of her time in the sleep mode - probably a good way to gain the much-needed strength for the days ahead. She did rally this evening when our son and his newly expectant wife arrived for a visit. The thought of her first grandchild always brings joy and helps melt away the pain.
Love (as always)
Bryon
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Back in the Hospital
August 6, 2008
Thanks for all the encouraging emails. You have helped us to lay our burdens at the feet of Jesus.
Early this evening, Marilyn was finally moved from the isolation ward in the emergency department to room 580 in ward 57 of the Tom Baker Cancer Center. When I left she was drifting off to sleep. The day was spent setting up and completing her official admittance to the hospital with no time left for any diagnostic imaging. Unfortunately the pain is still controlling Marilyn but at least now she is in the hands of professionals who have empathy and understanding for her condition. The best part of the day was a caring visit and special prayer with pastor Ray Mathesion who helped us commit Marilyn into the hands of the Lord.
Bryon
Thanks for all the encouraging emails. You have helped us to lay our burdens at the feet of Jesus.
Early this evening, Marilyn was finally moved from the isolation ward in the emergency department to room 580 in ward 57 of the Tom Baker Cancer Center. When I left she was drifting off to sleep. The day was spent setting up and completing her official admittance to the hospital with no time left for any diagnostic imaging. Unfortunately the pain is still controlling Marilyn but at least now she is in the hands of professionals who have empathy and understanding for her condition. The best part of the day was a caring visit and special prayer with pastor Ray Mathesion who helped us commit Marilyn into the hands of the Lord.
Bryon
Monday, June 26, 2006
Looking Forward Is Better Than Looking Back
June 26
Another week has passed and Marilyn continues her slow but steady progress. Each day there is a new first. First time walking without a security belt! First time to eat a meal sitting up in the dining hall! First time to request a walk in the sunshine!
Nurses and visitors alike have noticed the positive change. The twinkle has returned to Marilyn’s eye and her mind is whirling with plans for the future. Plans that include shopping trips, rides to the mountains and of course attending a wedding and a reception. Unfortunately, it seems Marilyn needs some convincing that long rides and shopping trips still require much more conditioning and exercise so for now the focus will be to prepare for a wedding.
Just thinking that the likelihood of Marilyn sitting in the front row to witness Dave and Tracie exchange their vows is exciting enough. But watching Marilyn spring into action with renewed vigor reminds me of how far she really has come, Reaching for, and attaining goals have been achieved with a great deal of determination and effort. Even greater though is the power all the prayers have had so far.
We know the road ahead will be long and rough, but each new day brings with it a renewed hope and reason to continue the fight, It has been such a long time of waiting but I continue to hold onto the promise given in Isaiah 40:31 - But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint.
Another week has passed and Marilyn continues her slow but steady progress. Each day there is a new first. First time walking without a security belt! First time to eat a meal sitting up in the dining hall! First time to request a walk in the sunshine!
Nurses and visitors alike have noticed the positive change. The twinkle has returned to Marilyn’s eye and her mind is whirling with plans for the future. Plans that include shopping trips, rides to the mountains and of course attending a wedding and a reception. Unfortunately, it seems Marilyn needs some convincing that long rides and shopping trips still require much more conditioning and exercise so for now the focus will be to prepare for a wedding.
Just thinking that the likelihood of Marilyn sitting in the front row to witness Dave and Tracie exchange their vows is exciting enough. But watching Marilyn spring into action with renewed vigor reminds me of how far she really has come, Reaching for, and attaining goals have been achieved with a great deal of determination and effort. Even greater though is the power all the prayers have had so far.
We know the road ahead will be long and rough, but each new day brings with it a renewed hope and reason to continue the fight, It has been such a long time of waiting but I continue to hold onto the promise given in Isaiah 40:31 - But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Nearing the goal
June 12
Another week has passed and Marilyn’s progress continues. Even though each step is small I thank God that the uphill battle has not become another slide downwards. Thanks to Heather (Marilyn’s physical terrorist) she has not missed a day of walking, exercises and increasing her tolerance for sitting. I am sure that Marilyn feels that the word “terrorist” is a far better descriptor than therapist, but without Heather’s firm hand of encouragement I rather doubt she would have had this much improvement.
As of today Marilyn’s tolerance for sitting has increased from a few minutes to a full ½ hour and she in now beginning to take her first steps with a regular walker. The goal of attending David and Tracie’s wedding seems more and more attainable. Each day I am blessed with her smiles and sometimes, even a bit of the Dye humor I have learned to appreciate over the years.
The road ahead looms long and rough, but each day we see a little more of the mountain peaks through the overhanging clouds. I know the prayers of many are lifting both of us upwards. Just yesterday I was listening to someone say “If just one person has you on their personal prayer list – you are truly blessed.” Well, if that is the case, I know that we must be blessed beyond comprehension.
Thank you for the prayers and support, without them I would not have been able to return to work. Today was my first day back teaching and, even though things were a bit hectic, I managed fine and ended the day still intact. It was good to see my colleagues and students again and feel their understanding and backing first hand. One thing I have never been able to figure out though. Why is it that the students who give the most trouble are always the first to come running up with hugs and greetings of “we missed you sooooo much”?
Another week has passed and Marilyn’s progress continues. Even though each step is small I thank God that the uphill battle has not become another slide downwards. Thanks to Heather (Marilyn’s physical terrorist) she has not missed a day of walking, exercises and increasing her tolerance for sitting. I am sure that Marilyn feels that the word “terrorist” is a far better descriptor than therapist, but without Heather’s firm hand of encouragement I rather doubt she would have had this much improvement.
As of today Marilyn’s tolerance for sitting has increased from a few minutes to a full ½ hour and she in now beginning to take her first steps with a regular walker. The goal of attending David and Tracie’s wedding seems more and more attainable. Each day I am blessed with her smiles and sometimes, even a bit of the Dye humor I have learned to appreciate over the years.
The road ahead looms long and rough, but each day we see a little more of the mountain peaks through the overhanging clouds. I know the prayers of many are lifting both of us upwards. Just yesterday I was listening to someone say “If just one person has you on their personal prayer list – you are truly blessed.” Well, if that is the case, I know that we must be blessed beyond comprehension.
Thank you for the prayers and support, without them I would not have been able to return to work. Today was my first day back teaching and, even though things were a bit hectic, I managed fine and ended the day still intact. It was good to see my colleagues and students again and feel their understanding and backing first hand. One thing I have never been able to figure out though. Why is it that the students who give the most trouble are always the first to come running up with hugs and greetings of “we missed you sooooo much”?
Tuesday, June 6, 2006
Moving On
June 6
The 3rd week of exercise has come and gone but this time there has been a definite slow but steady progress. Marilyn has been able to stand, sit and walk a little each day. However, each step and every minute sitting has been accomplished with great effort and much pain. Yesterday (Monday), a family meeting was held in Marilyn’s hospital room with all of the main players. Everyone had their chance to contribute as we discussed goals, progress, care plans, and the future.
For now, the aim is to press on with the goal of going home as the main focus for Marilyn. This will mean stepping up physio with more intensive exercises, more time in the chair, graduating to a regular walker, and traveling farther distances each day. I could see that just thinking about her grueling regiment ahead left Marilyn reeling with exhaustion. Lyn and I left Marilyn with time to think and rest for her next big step in rehabilitation.
I was also faced with a big decision on Monday, and that was whether or not to return to teaching for the remainder of the year. I decided to go back for many reasons. First, I have help at home for which I am very grateful. Secondly, I need to bring some normality back into my daily life and routine. Thirdly, this will be an opportunity to test my coping ability with my stepmother acting as my safety net. And finally, I really miss my students and my work.
As Marilyn and I face new obstacles and challenges, I trust and hope that many of you reading this will push onward toward whatever personal goals you have set for yourselves.
Check out Marilyn’s progress here
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/Week4.htm
The 3rd week of exercise has come and gone but this time there has been a definite slow but steady progress. Marilyn has been able to stand, sit and walk a little each day. However, each step and every minute sitting has been accomplished with great effort and much pain. Yesterday (Monday), a family meeting was held in Marilyn’s hospital room with all of the main players. Everyone had their chance to contribute as we discussed goals, progress, care plans, and the future.
For now, the aim is to press on with the goal of going home as the main focus for Marilyn. This will mean stepping up physio with more intensive exercises, more time in the chair, graduating to a regular walker, and traveling farther distances each day. I could see that just thinking about her grueling regiment ahead left Marilyn reeling with exhaustion. Lyn and I left Marilyn with time to think and rest for her next big step in rehabilitation.
I was also faced with a big decision on Monday, and that was whether or not to return to teaching for the remainder of the year. I decided to go back for many reasons. First, I have help at home for which I am very grateful. Secondly, I need to bring some normality back into my daily life and routine. Thirdly, this will be an opportunity to test my coping ability with my stepmother acting as my safety net. And finally, I really miss my students and my work.
As Marilyn and I face new obstacles and challenges, I trust and hope that many of you reading this will push onward toward whatever personal goals you have set for yourselves.
Check out Marilyn’s progress here
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/Week4.htm
Friday, May 26, 2006
Forging Ahead
May 26
Marilyn continues to forge ahead, making us all very proud of her and happy. I realize now that what I thought were baby steps during her first attempts at the Foothills were really giant steps for her. The depression and discouragement she experienced was greatly influenced by her failure to meet expectations “normal” patients could accomplish in a few days on the orthopedic ward. Marilyn’s condition is far from normal and the road ahead will be long and difficult but thanks to continued fervent prayer, an understanding therapist, well trained assistants and placement in a proper rehab facility, these new “baby steps” are beginning to expand into positive personal accomplishments.
It is good to see more joining Marilyn in partnership with some personal goals as well. I would love to add more names to the partnership website. Thanks for the many encouraging emails detailing how Marilyn’s struggle has provided incentives to forge ahead to meet and attain personal aspirations. Each day I print and read these emails brings a smile and more determination for Marilyn to press on.
Learning to tolerate pain and sit for a few minutes each day has been one of Marilyn’s greatest accomplishments over the last 3 days. Today she will be attempting to transfer herself from the bed to wheelchair without the aid of a power lift. Somehow this sounds like a great performer in a circus attempting to walk a tightrope without a net but I am sure that Marilyn feels more terror at the thought than many circus performers high above a crowd.
Week three begins today and my own outlook for the future is one of hope and anticipation. Thanks again for all your prayers – their power has definitely been felt.
To see Marilyn’s accomplishments of week 2 and to find out who is partnering with Marilyn in her journey – follow the links below
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/partnergoals.htm
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/Week2.htm
Marilyn continues to forge ahead, making us all very proud of her and happy. I realize now that what I thought were baby steps during her first attempts at the Foothills were really giant steps for her. The depression and discouragement she experienced was greatly influenced by her failure to meet expectations “normal” patients could accomplish in a few days on the orthopedic ward. Marilyn’s condition is far from normal and the road ahead will be long and difficult but thanks to continued fervent prayer, an understanding therapist, well trained assistants and placement in a proper rehab facility, these new “baby steps” are beginning to expand into positive personal accomplishments.
It is good to see more joining Marilyn in partnership with some personal goals as well. I would love to add more names to the partnership website. Thanks for the many encouraging emails detailing how Marilyn’s struggle has provided incentives to forge ahead to meet and attain personal aspirations. Each day I print and read these emails brings a smile and more determination for Marilyn to press on.
Learning to tolerate pain and sit for a few minutes each day has been one of Marilyn’s greatest accomplishments over the last 3 days. Today she will be attempting to transfer herself from the bed to wheelchair without the aid of a power lift. Somehow this sounds like a great performer in a circus attempting to walk a tightrope without a net but I am sure that Marilyn feels more terror at the thought than many circus performers high above a crowd.
Week three begins today and my own outlook for the future is one of hope and anticipation. Thanks again for all your prayers – their power has definitely been felt.
To see Marilyn’s accomplishments of week 2 and to find out who is partnering with Marilyn in her journey – follow the links below
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/partnergoals.htm
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/Week2.htm
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Turning The Corner
May 24
Today there has been much joy in the Seeley household. For the first time, there has been a huge positive attitude shift in Marilyn’s thinking and attitude. She seems to have begun to internalize many goals and for herself. This is what I have been praying for weeks! Instead of these just being my dreams, I can now feel we are working together to accomplish a common objective.
Yesterday Marilyn worked hard in both physio sessions to not only accomplish more tasks than she had ever completed but also clearly impressed her new therapist. I was elated. Why the sudden change? – I am not sure. Perhaps a different environment gave the incentive (although she made many negative remarks concerning the new facility in the beginning). Maybe her negative feelings sparked a new desire to return home somehow. Whatever the reason, it has given me a new hope for the future.
Marilyn really enjoys each day’s new emails and encouragement from all the friends and acquaintances this journal goes out to. Please keep them coming. And – so far I only have 8 partners in exercise to post in her room. Exercise is a great way to begin a better and healthier lifestyle. Perhaps you already have an exercise program you are following. Please let Marilyn know about it. I will include you as on of Marilyn’s goal partners and post this on the web and in her room. JUST THINK OF ALL THE HEALTHY PEOPLE THIS PROJECT COULD SPAWN.
Here are the goals that are inspiring Marilyn to continue.
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/partnergoals.htm
And here are Marilyn’s accomplishments for her second week.
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/Week2.htm
Today there has been much joy in the Seeley household. For the first time, there has been a huge positive attitude shift in Marilyn’s thinking and attitude. She seems to have begun to internalize many goals and for herself. This is what I have been praying for weeks! Instead of these just being my dreams, I can now feel we are working together to accomplish a common objective.
Yesterday Marilyn worked hard in both physio sessions to not only accomplish more tasks than she had ever completed but also clearly impressed her new therapist. I was elated. Why the sudden change? – I am not sure. Perhaps a different environment gave the incentive (although she made many negative remarks concerning the new facility in the beginning). Maybe her negative feelings sparked a new desire to return home somehow. Whatever the reason, it has given me a new hope for the future.
Marilyn really enjoys each day’s new emails and encouragement from all the friends and acquaintances this journal goes out to. Please keep them coming. And – so far I only have 8 partners in exercise to post in her room. Exercise is a great way to begin a better and healthier lifestyle. Perhaps you already have an exercise program you are following. Please let Marilyn know about it. I will include you as on of Marilyn’s goal partners and post this on the web and in her room. JUST THINK OF ALL THE HEALTHY PEOPLE THIS PROJECT COULD SPAWN.
Here are the goals that are inspiring Marilyn to continue.
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/partnergoals.htm
And here are Marilyn’s accomplishments for her second week.
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/Week2.htm
Thursday, May 18, 2006
A New Beginning
May 18
It’s impossible to know what to expect as each day passes. I think I have a handle on something and everything changes. I was feeling like Marilyn and I were becoming permanent fixtures of Ward 72 at Foothills Hospital and it was time to meet with the “team” for a strategy session. The meeting was called for 1:30 pm and then at 1 just after coming out of a long session with my own doctor, Marilyn’s nurse of the day called to inform me that Marilyn was to be moved into a rehab transition center at Glenmore Auxiliary Care facility in less than an hour. Afraid the news would send Marilyn into another state of disarray I rushed back hoping the staff would at least allow me to be the one to break this news to Marilyn. On the way back I called Ardith, praying that I could have her wise listening ear and common sense comments to settle down my reeling thoughts. By the time I reached the hospital both Ardith and I were of the same mind that this was not just happenstance but Gods timing and I was able to walk into Marilyn’s little space she now know as “home” with a clear mind as to how I would approach the subject.
Needless to say, Marilyn’s reaction was one of complete surprise but her mental processing skills tended to remain intact as we discussed the pros and cons of the situation. For the most part the pros won out and although Marilyn expressed some fear and trepidation the transfer to Glenmore was a positive experience.
A new beginning – that is how I see things. It is hard for me to ascertain how Marilyn feels for sure but she seemed to settle into her new surroundings quickly. Here are the positives I noticed right away.
1, The food was edible (Marilyn could hardly stomach Foothills food fiasco’s any longer)
2. A beautiful view out the window for Marilyn to enjoy.
3. Friendly and helpful staff
4. A positive atmosphere among the patients.
5. Much closer to home. (2 hours / day driving back and forth was wearing me out).
There is no point in focusing on negatives or even bringing them to mind. I pray that Marilyn can begin to make some strides forward in this new environment. Tomorrow will tell a new story.
The exercise challenge is still on. A few more have signed on – What will YOU do to improve your life. Do you have a goal you would like to share with Marilyn. Each time she hears about another person stepping up to partner with her in the challenge a little smile washes over her face. The last few days I have come into her room panting from the 7 flight of stairs I have been climbing. Nothing compared to the battle Marilyn is facing as she begins this long road of re learning to move about on her own.
I have split up the website into weeks and partner goals. Please take the time to check out Marilyn’s progress and email a response or two her way. It is fun and encouraging to read these off to Marilyn each day. Here are the new links.
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/Week2.htm
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/Week1.htm
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/partnergoals.htm
It’s impossible to know what to expect as each day passes. I think I have a handle on something and everything changes. I was feeling like Marilyn and I were becoming permanent fixtures of Ward 72 at Foothills Hospital and it was time to meet with the “team” for a strategy session. The meeting was called for 1:30 pm and then at 1 just after coming out of a long session with my own doctor, Marilyn’s nurse of the day called to inform me that Marilyn was to be moved into a rehab transition center at Glenmore Auxiliary Care facility in less than an hour. Afraid the news would send Marilyn into another state of disarray I rushed back hoping the staff would at least allow me to be the one to break this news to Marilyn. On the way back I called Ardith, praying that I could have her wise listening ear and common sense comments to settle down my reeling thoughts. By the time I reached the hospital both Ardith and I were of the same mind that this was not just happenstance but Gods timing and I was able to walk into Marilyn’s little space she now know as “home” with a clear mind as to how I would approach the subject.
Needless to say, Marilyn’s reaction was one of complete surprise but her mental processing skills tended to remain intact as we discussed the pros and cons of the situation. For the most part the pros won out and although Marilyn expressed some fear and trepidation the transfer to Glenmore was a positive experience.
A new beginning – that is how I see things. It is hard for me to ascertain how Marilyn feels for sure but she seemed to settle into her new surroundings quickly. Here are the positives I noticed right away.
1, The food was edible (Marilyn could hardly stomach Foothills food fiasco’s any longer)
2. A beautiful view out the window for Marilyn to enjoy.
3. Friendly and helpful staff
4. A positive atmosphere among the patients.
5. Much closer to home. (2 hours / day driving back and forth was wearing me out).
There is no point in focusing on negatives or even bringing them to mind. I pray that Marilyn can begin to make some strides forward in this new environment. Tomorrow will tell a new story.
The exercise challenge is still on. A few more have signed on – What will YOU do to improve your life. Do you have a goal you would like to share with Marilyn. Each time she hears about another person stepping up to partner with her in the challenge a little smile washes over her face. The last few days I have come into her room panting from the 7 flight of stairs I have been climbing. Nothing compared to the battle Marilyn is facing as she begins this long road of re learning to move about on her own.
I have split up the website into weeks and partner goals. Please take the time to check out Marilyn’s progress and email a response or two her way. It is fun and encouraging to read these off to Marilyn each day. Here are the new links.
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/Week2.htm
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/Week1.htm
http://www3.telus.net/brseeley/Exercise/partnergoals.htm
Monday, May 15, 2006
Progress brings joy!!
May 15
My steps were quicker and my heart sang as I headed home from the hospital today. The weather was perfect, the kind of spring day you dream about. Birds sang and a light breeze swept through my hair as I stopped off at the local nursery to check out the latest shipment of spring annuals that had arrived for planting. Even though I normally look forward to the feel of fresh dirt under my fingernails in the spring, this year I was dreading the thought, worried that perhaps Marilyn would never see the results of my efforts. However, today was different because today I had the privilege of a stroll around the neighborhood with Marilyn at my side. Mind you, the only one strolling was me, and the neighborhood was the hospital ward, but for the first time in 5 weeks Marilyn was able to see past the four blue walls surrounding her hospital bed, dawn her favorite silky house coat and perch on a special stretcher/chair for a roll through the halls and out into the fresh air. Marilyn was left with more than the normal fare of pain and I know she was enduring it for the sake of me and all the nurses and therapists that have worked so hard with her over the past month. But I am hoping the experience is one that will become more and more frequent. I am hoping that the thought of attending David and Tracie’s wedding will not only motivate exercise but also become a reality July 1.
Marilyn’s exercise regime is beginning to take shape and I am seeing less resistance. I am sure your prayers are helping. She is still terrified of falling but a new approach is making a difference. The therapists and nurses have all stopped by to check out Marilyn’s progress chart and are beginning to have fun with it. I am wondering why I have had no firm commitments from any of you out there reading my daily ramblings. Have you taken the time to click on the link and see her latest accomplishments? If not - then please do. Caulene – this was your brainchild – What is your commitment to the project? I have promised to climb a flight of stairs instead of take the elevator for every star Marilyn earns. That means 4 flights of stairs for me every time I enter the hospital tomorrow and I will be in and out several times seeing that I am cheap and park where I have to move the car every hour or so. Ardith – I am waiting for your final word on your commitment to practice a few extra minutes on your harp for each star – who knows, with all that extra practice we may be hearing from Carnegie Hall about your upcoming recital. And David – I know you are committed to exercise – in fact I overheard you teaching Tracie a few arm exercises on Sunday. So – where are all those emails – I am expecting to have to add a bunch of extra personal goals to my chart soon. Seriously though, I know Marilyn will respond much more enthusiastically if she realizes that there are many people behind her both practically and in fervent prayer.
Thanks for all your support
Here is my email
brseeley@cbe.ab.ca
My steps were quicker and my heart sang as I headed home from the hospital today. The weather was perfect, the kind of spring day you dream about. Birds sang and a light breeze swept through my hair as I stopped off at the local nursery to check out the latest shipment of spring annuals that had arrived for planting. Even though I normally look forward to the feel of fresh dirt under my fingernails in the spring, this year I was dreading the thought, worried that perhaps Marilyn would never see the results of my efforts. However, today was different because today I had the privilege of a stroll around the neighborhood with Marilyn at my side. Mind you, the only one strolling was me, and the neighborhood was the hospital ward, but for the first time in 5 weeks Marilyn was able to see past the four blue walls surrounding her hospital bed, dawn her favorite silky house coat and perch on a special stretcher/chair for a roll through the halls and out into the fresh air. Marilyn was left with more than the normal fare of pain and I know she was enduring it for the sake of me and all the nurses and therapists that have worked so hard with her over the past month. But I am hoping the experience is one that will become more and more frequent. I am hoping that the thought of attending David and Tracie’s wedding will not only motivate exercise but also become a reality July 1.
Marilyn’s exercise regime is beginning to take shape and I am seeing less resistance. I am sure your prayers are helping. She is still terrified of falling but a new approach is making a difference. The therapists and nurses have all stopped by to check out Marilyn’s progress chart and are beginning to have fun with it. I am wondering why I have had no firm commitments from any of you out there reading my daily ramblings. Have you taken the time to click on the link and see her latest accomplishments? If not - then please do. Caulene – this was your brainchild – What is your commitment to the project? I have promised to climb a flight of stairs instead of take the elevator for every star Marilyn earns. That means 4 flights of stairs for me every time I enter the hospital tomorrow and I will be in and out several times seeing that I am cheap and park where I have to move the car every hour or so. Ardith – I am waiting for your final word on your commitment to practice a few extra minutes on your harp for each star – who knows, with all that extra practice we may be hearing from Carnegie Hall about your upcoming recital. And David – I know you are committed to exercise – in fact I overheard you teaching Tracie a few arm exercises on Sunday. So – where are all those emails – I am expecting to have to add a bunch of extra personal goals to my chart soon. Seriously though, I know Marilyn will respond much more enthusiastically if she realizes that there are many people behind her both practically and in fervent prayer.
Thanks for all your support
Here is my email
brseeley@cbe.ab.ca
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