Something To Hope For

August 24, 2008
I thought I would get some needed rest and sleep in today but things don’t always turn out the way they are planned in my mind. The phone began to ring quite early and after I wake up there just doesn’t seem to be much hope for turning over and catching any more winks. First of all it was Marilyn’s dad just checking in and then the floodgates opened. Marilyn called – all upset that something was very wrong with an X ray and that I needed to get up to the hospital immediately. I had a quick shower, skipped my usual toast, fruit and juice breakfast and rushed off not knowing what to expect when I arrived.

My fears increased when I sped through the maze of corridors leading up to her room, only to find her bed empty. Thinking she must have needed even more testing I headed to the nurses station and began to ask questions. The answers I received were upsetting but far from surprising. I was told that Marilyn had put up a big fight with the X ray technicians, refused to take the tests and was livid about the whole ordeal. After all the poor communication I had gone through in the past few days I took this with a grain of salt and set out to find the real story.

Soon Marilyn arrived back on the unit and to my amazement looked quite calm and collected. She seemed confused as to why the tests had not been administered but definitely not a picture of livid rage. With the help of the charge nurse on duty the doctor on call was located and the truth started to unravel. It seems that Marilyn’s blood platelet count has been dropping at an alarming rate and is dangerously close to being in a state that would cause it not to clot properly – meaning that she could bleed without stopping. So – because of the blood clot and other infections certain precautions had to be taken to find out exactly what was causing the count to drop off so dramatically. This of course is a concern that must be watched with extreme caution but not at the critical stage by any means. The major cause of the fuss seemed to be either a clerk or technician in the X-Ray department who was either having a bad day or perhaps just was perpetually rude and obnoxious. Thankfully the charge nurse was there to buffer any more problems for Marilyn and quickly ordered Marilyn back to bed where she could be visited by the mobile X ray unit and complete the test in the comfort of her own bed. Shortly thereafter, in comes a portable X-Ray machine with a new technician and 5 minutes later Marilyn’s pictures were ready for examination.

I have become to expect the unexpected here at the Foothills Hospital, but also have learned to appreciate the care given here on Ward 47. They seem to have a way of diffusing the worrisome and difficult situations and put us at ease.

Here is another example:
Just before I left for the evening yesterday I decided to take Marilyn on a walk and when we arrived back I thought Marilyn should try her hand (feet) at a few more steps back to her room but before we had gone far she became weak and confused stating that she felt she was about to fall again. Out of nowhere came not one, but two assistants who immediately calmed her down and guided her into a position to be able to safely sit down in her wheel chair. I was so thankful that we didn’t have to go through another episode of falling and I have the staff of Unit 46 to thank for this.

Now as Marilyn rests quietly again I can reflect on our recent visit this afternoon from our son Steven and his expectant wife Erin. Unfortunately with all the events of the past 2 weeks neither I nor Marilyn remembered his birthday. This seemes to be his lot in life for as he was growing up, he often got the short end of the stick when it came to birthday parties. When your birthday falls in the middle of Summer holidays all your friends are off on their own vacations so often no one is around to celebrate. It is good that he is used to this arrangement and has come up with a few of his own coping strategies to work around the situation. Today he arranged his own party and invited me to attend a dinner at a favorite restaurant. This evening I will be dining at Tony Roma’s and probably picking up the tab. One very good deal though – Tony Roma’s gives a free meal to the birthday boy.

Tomorrow the charge nurse, Jen (bless her heart) has approved a visit from one of our only grand children, or should I say grand pets. We have three – two cats and a dog. Pantone (Stephen and Erin’s canine member of the family) has been allowed to break hospital policy and trot in for a visit. Anything to cheer up a patient and make them feel better according to Jen.

Well, I thought I was finished writing and in walks another doctor. What he had to say was so encouraging for both Marilyn and I that I can’t help but pass on his words.. Yes, medicines need to be changed and adjusted, Marilyn’s state of confusion at times is difficult to understand but overall he was impressed with how we are coping. He left us with new hope that Marilyn will once again find her place in life as a productive and useful member of society. These were words that brought tears to both of us – words we both needed to hear.

God Bless.

Bryon

Good Signs

In the past 24 hours my phone has rung more often than normal. Most of my calls are from telemarketers wanting me to subscribe, answer questions and generally waste my time. However these calls have been different – They have been from my wife – asking me to remember this or that – asking for things to be brought up to the hospital. I know that when she can rag on me for anything that she must be feeling better – a very good sign. I think we all have times when we wish our partner would just leave us to our own devises and get off our backs. In this case however, I don’t have that feeling at all. I know this is a good sign. It is amazing how much I missed the sound of her voice. I even dreamed one night that Marilyn was upset at me for something and was letting me know about it only to wake up and discover that she was no longer there beside me. So the sound of her voice – no matter what she wanted - had a welcome ring in my ears.

I finally had a feeling that my visit was constructive for the first time in the entire 2 weeks that Marilyn has been shut inside the hospital doors. Yes, there still were the ups and downs. The concerns were still just as prominent, but this time I felt as if something was being accomplished. Marilyn and I took a long “walk” (that is me walking and her riding) outside in the sunshine stooping by the cafeteria for a treat and then back up to the ward to watch the news together. She was also able to manage a few steps on her own with me even though earlier in the day had an episode where her knee gave way and caused a bit of a ruckus for the staff. I was happy that she agreed to give it another try after a rest. Because of the confusi0n caused by medication, Marilyn needs lots of assistance even remembering how to take the first step, turn around and sit etc. but what an improvement over the last 2 days.

We still have many concerns but also many answered prayers. A big question that still looms on the horizon is the question of her treatment. After 2 weeks she has not yet received her first treatment. She has had a radiation simulation and her case in the planning stage. Yesterday my phone rang again and it was the radiation oncology department asking to speak to Marilyn. I was quite surprised that they thought they would find her at home when only one day prior, Dr Lim, the radiation oncologist. had been in to see Marilyn to discuss the plan. Dr Lim works just an elevator ride away from her room. After some detective work I discovered that apparently the clerk from Marilyn’s first hospital ward room had informed his secretary that Marilyn was no longer in the hospital and now back home. The call was to inform us that the next appointment for Marilyn would take place September 9. This news did little to impress me so I placed a call to her oncologist Dr. Dowden. I am so thankful for him because he is a great advocate for Marilyn. Within 5 minutes he called back to report that he had hopefully pushed the right buttons to get the show back on the road.

Today is another day – and as I was so aptly reminded by my good friend and fellow cancer survivor- Dale Biebrick, - “We can’t worry about tomorrow – that is God’s department, we can only live each day one at a time and do the best we can in that moment".   Now I have to get busy and gather up all the things I have been reminded by Marilyn not to forget.

God Bless You - Bryon

New Hope and Questions Answered

It appears that sometimes one needs to show frustration because today as I sit in Marilyn's lovely quiet private quarters all seems at peace. The only sounds are the clicking of my keyboard, muted vioces in the distance and quiet sounds of the occasional cart rolling by. Several doctors have made the effort to drop by today and give some educated answers to my many questions.

After the events of yesterday, there have been some positive things to give praise for.

1. The IV drip is doing it's job and Marilyn's Kidneys are returning to normal.
2. Marilyn's went for a short walk again this morning.
3. The Palliative care Doctor took some quality time with me to explain Marilyn's medicine dosages.
4. I was able to get 5 hours of continuous sleep.
5. Even though she is still extremely drowsy, I can see some of the brightness coming back into Marilyn's eyes
6. Pastor Ray dropped by for a visit, leaving his usual hope filled message and quality prayer for healing.
7. No one turned off the TV so for the time being it is free for the watching.

Although there is a long journey ahead, today there is hope.

For the time being, Marilyn has been placed on isolation just to be sure no more viruses can spread their wings., Marilyn is on an IV to re-hydrate her body and her pain medications have been adjusted in order to gain some stability. We wait again for a new day, but this time - with hope.

The new room number is Unit 46 - Tom Baker Cancer Center, Room 4618. A quick visit with words of encouragement is always a blessing.

Thanks for your prayers
Bryon

Little Blessings bring Hope

April 25
Thanks so much for your concern. Yes Marilyn is very weak physically but her spirit is strong and her faith is in a God of miracles. Today one of the surgeons (DR. Temple) who works with Marilyn's main doctor was in to share a little of his thoughts with us. He explained that now with the first 5 bouts of radiation over we would wait for a while (no one ever tells us how long a while is) and then do another work up (another ambiguous term we are getting used to hearing). When I asked how they assess if the radiation is working the answer was "Her pain will be less". So far there has been no significant change in that area but when I arrived today Marilyn was sitting up on the side of her bed and a team of physiotherapists were working on her mobility. Apparently Marilyn had moved to a sitting up position on her own power. That is a great improvement from only lying on her side. The plan is now to help Marilyn become more mobile by working with her on a daily basis to strengthen her muscles. Please pray that the radiation will do its work and take her pain down as well as shrink her tumor. The doctor said the reason she had so much pain is because this tumor has done so much damage to her bone. Surgery will only be an option long into the future and then the question would be whether or not her leg could be saved. After that news Marilyn’s comment was "I don't understand why I am not upset - should I be?" The rest of the time I was with her today she mostly slept. I pray that her sleep will bring the healing and strength she desperately needs.

A Ray of Hope

Marilyn just called again sounding even more chipper so I am on my way up.
Update to this.
I went up to the hospital at 6:30 this evening and when I arrived Stephen and Erin were already there. In the parking lot I met Ardith and Tracy and went up to the room with Tracy and Stephen. I needed them for moral support and it was so good to have them there. Marilyn was co-herant and much more lucid this evening. She still is very frightened and confused often saying things like "something is wrong with me" and "what are they doing to me". I only saw Marilyn a few short times as nurses kept coming and going, giving tests et. These nurses were so gentile and compassionate it made me feel much better for Marilyn. They once again tried the cathetor this time with full cooperation from Marilyn. Although unsuccessful their were no screams of agony and pain. This time the nurses had only to listen to Marilyn softly praying to Jesus for help through the ordeal. I was able to speak of our faith to one of the nurses later in the evening. Your prayers are making a difference. We don't know when the MRI test will be done now but the doctors have ordered her to be put under for this. The cathetor will be inserted at the same time. Even though it was hard to see me leave Marilyn let go and said for me to check with the nurses to see if it was safe for me to leave. That was my cue and Tracy an I left after a short prayer with Marilyn. There are still vital signs that need to improve like Marilyns kidneys not functioning properly but overall I felt things were progressing today instead of digressing It is now 10:30 and I am going to try to get a good rest so I can stay up at the hospital for most of the day tomorrow