It's Not All Roses But I Promise To Stand By You - Good Times or Bad

June 6 refusals
Tried to get out of exercises both in am and pm
Am – said she couldn’t sit on commode and asked to be taken off after only 1 minute (Heather was able to persuade Marilyn to try commode as well as stay sitting for almost 10 minutes)
Pm – Asked me to find Heather and tell her she couldn’t do exercises because she was tired out from her BM – Heather managed to convince her to walk again as well as do all of her leg exercises in bed however Marilyn tried to stop at the door of her room and go for her lazyboy chair instead of the planned walk in the hall – Heather kept her focused and they went into the hall but Marilyn tried at least 2 more times to stop short of Heathers goal. Heather managed to get her slightly beyond her last point but Marilyn insisted on a rest stop that required us to reposition her for a straight walk back instead of Marilyn negotiating a planned turn. During the rest Marilyn requested to be pushed in her wheel chair back to bed because she said she couldn’t walk that far. Heather again managed to motivate Marilyn into standing up and walking back to bed.
Refused help from nurses for commode when she knew a BM was eminent. (Said nurses didn’t know how to transfer her properly.
Refused to read email story someone sent her (Said she didn‘t know the sender)
Said she didn’t want to eat any lunch because it was too late and she would wait for supper. (I managed to talk her into eating a few bites of a salmon salad and 2 slices of cucumber – but only by being quite forceful).
Refused to drink the rest of her ensure because she said she had already drunk almost the whole can (There was almost half a glass still left from that can)
Didn’t want drapes opened in her room because the light was too bright for her
Insisted that I return and be on time for afternoon exercises.
Refused a shower – Put it off until next evening. (Her hair has not been washed for a full week and she looks greasy and grubby).
Refused face and hands wash twice – afternoon and just before bed at 9 pm. (Said that she had had a full body wash earlier in the day and that it would make her too cold)
Refused to get up and sit in chair as specifically requested by Heather during afternoon exercises. I managed to get her to turn on her back and partially sit up by lifting the head of her bed to about 45 degrees for about 8 minutes and tried to see if she might be able to balance a computer on her lap with a pillow. The balancing act worked somewhat but I think it is not very stable and Marilyn again refused to give the computer a try asking me to take it away. Marilyn asked to be laid back down almost immediately after putting her up but I managed to distract her a few more minutes by getting her to do a few bicep curls with her weights. She said the weights were too heavy even though I had given her the lightest ones – 1 lb. After the half-hearted curls were completed she refused to try to lift the weights straight up saying that she had already lifted these weights as high as she possibly could.
When the elders from the church came to pray for her they asked her what she was thankful for and she had some difficulty thinking of anything but managed to say – her family and her husband. As I was about to leave for the night she did express her love for Lyn and I – Then asked to have some music playing for her to go to sleep with.

I spent some time talking with her tonight about her fears and goals. She admitted that she didn’t feel she would be able to do enough to be able to make it to the wedding. So at that point I tried to make her see that she was her own worst enemy and until she was willing to push herself and believe that she could get strong enough in time by concentrating on doing everything that was asked of her.

My words for Marilyn – Marilyn I love you with all my heart and I have been told by Dr. Dowden AND Dr Joyce that your tumor is very localized. Meaning that it has not spread to any other place in your body. For this reason there is hope that it can be treated. The treatment however could cause you great harm if you aren’t strong enough to withstand the side effects. If you continue in the pattern I have observed from yesterday the tumor will take over and you won’t ever get the chance to fight against it. This is exactly what the devil wants to see happen. You and your testimony threaten his plans for many whom you already have and will have contact with. There have been so many that have been helped by your sweet and quiet constant caring way. The devil knows your weak points and will and has used every opportunity to break you down with fear and anxiety. Please remember Pastor Mathison’s words of encouragement and his prayer for you. Your fears can’t come from God – He is not the author of fear. He gives power and a sound mind. Remember the pastor’s comments as you ask for the powerful soldiers of the Lord to guard and protect you from Satan’s little darts he is tossing at you. Put up your shield of faith and fend them off.

I will never give up on you no matter how tired and discouraged I get. Please understand that when I am not with you physically I am with you in spirit. I pray for you without stopping. I have asked God for everything from complete healing to strength to bear the pain. Only God knows our future but I do believe that He allows us a great deal of control over our destiny. Right now you are the only person that doesn’t believe you can make it to David’s wedding. We are all expecting to see you there in the front row. I know this will be a huge effort and probably will not be without much pain. If you follow Heather’s plan WITHOUT QUESTIONING EVERY STEP – You will be safe AND each day your strength will increase.

Last week you progressed a little each day. I was so encouraged by your determination. Just remember that the stakes get higher and the way more of an uphill climb. But with each step will be the feeling of accomplishment and with each accomplishment another victory. And for every victory another muscle will begin to bulge with power to press on. As you press on you will reach your goals AND with each goal the devil will begin to feel the pain he wants you to endure.

As we prayed for you tonight the verse that kept coming to my mind was “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them.” Marilyn, God was in the room with us listening to two powerful warriors pray for our requests. I know he heard our cry and I know he will answer. The burden we have is heavy but He was promised that he will give us the strength to endure.

I will be there with you all the way Marilyn. Remember though that everyone working with you is part of a team. I can’t do the job of the nurses and they can’t do mine. Let each team member do their part and you do yours. I know the results will be amazing and you will be the winner.

Love forever
Bryon