Struggling With Reality

April 20

I so appreciate everyone who is praying for Marilyn. Today I had to come home early from the hospital. It is so hard to watch her in pain and not be able to make it go away. The doctors ordered a gynecological exam, as they wanted a biopsy from inside her womb. This turned out to be impossible, as she simply can't tolerate the pain. If this has to be done it will only be possible with general anesthesia. She also had her 2nd radiation treatment today as well. Each test takes 1 - 2 hours and requires a transfer team to transport her to different centers in the hospital via a stretcher. Moving from one bed to another is exhausting for her. On top of that the physiotherapist came in 2 times to do exercises with her. Then her specialist (Dr. Shakar) came along and scolded her because she wasn't helping and moving herself around on her own. After all that Marilyn fell into a deep sleep. I busied myself cleaning and straightening up her room, watering flowers etc. I made quite a bit of noise and pushed furniture here and there but she slept right through. I don't think it registered when I told her I was going home, leaving the phone close by and telling her to call when she woke up. At 4 I went straight home, made supper, did the wash and cleaned out the garage and van expecting that sooner or later the phone would ring. The phone never rang and the diversion of working around the house seemed to lift my spirits. In my devotions I read in Corinthians concerning the spiritual gifts that God gives us. Once again I prayed that those with the gift of healing would feel compelled to pray for healing in Marilyn's body. Her life is in Gods hands now - there is nothing more I can do.