Waiting Spawns Discouragement

April 24
Marilyn was in too much pain to sleep much last night. When I arrived at the hospital today she was in tears - partly from the pain but also from extreme discouragement. Her spirit is under great trial these days as she feels a death sentence has been pronounced over her. I watched the movie "Patch Adams" last night and wished I could bring some happiness back into her life the way patch seemed to for so many patients. The trip to radiation treatments today was hard for Marilyn because she just couldn't get comfortable. It seems that we are always waiting for something. Today the porters took over 1/2 an hour and Marilyn couldn't stand the pain anymore so I finally convinced a nurse to help me get her back to her room without the help of the hospital porters. Back in the room it was a waiting game again to have Marilyn moved from the stretcher onto her new Cadillac full care hospital bed. The whole ordeal started about 1 and took until 4 in the afternoon. It seems a lot for a procedure that takes only 10 minutes to complete and 5 minutes travel time to and from the room. I was hoping that Physio specialists would be able to work with Marilyn to help her re learn how to stand and sit. After all the moving around she was too exhausted to do anything but rest.

I was thankful for the many visitors today allowing me to have some time to myself. Pastor Ray and Dale and Irene dropped by this morning and I know they encouraged Marilyn. Ardith (Marilyn’s best friend and cousin) showed up right at supper when Marilyn was feeling very low. I am always amazed at how the presence of someone Marilyn loves can boost her morale - even for a short time. I was so tired when Ardith arrived that I could hardly visit. I am so glad that Afdith noticed how I was struggling and suggested I go and have a sleep. I slipped out to the van and napped for about 1/2 an hour then went over to Wendy's and picked up a nice juicy hamburger for Marilyn and myself. This was a great treat for Marilyn because she is so totally tired of the bland hospital offerings after 3 weeks of the same thing over and over. Ardith told us some fantastic stories of miracles that God had performed for a missionary couple she had just visited and then gave us an encouraging card with scripture proclaiming healing for Marilyn. Interestingly her verse was the same as another card we had just received yesterday.

When I see Marilyn so low and discouraged I must admit I am finding it difficult to believe in a miracle. I do know and so does Marilyn that this whole situation is in Gods hands and we must be still and wait on him. As I write this I am listening to the miracle network on TV and someone is proclaiming healing of tumors and a blood disorder that the doctors can't figure out. This is exactly what Marilyn’s ailments are. I had to stop and utter a prayer for Marilyn as I heard this proclamation. Even with all this I still find it hard to wait and believe.

After Ardith left the waiting game began again with Marilyn not being able to find a comfortable position. Her new bed didn't feel much like a Cadillac - just different and uncomfortable. It is so frustrating to go and explain Marilyn's pain and discomfort to the nurses and then have to wait sometimes over an hour for help. That was the case tonight. The nurse finally came with medicine and helped reposition Marilyn at just after 8 pm. Marilyn settled and again I placed her life into Gods hands and made the long drive home.