Life Is A Roller Coaster Ride

August 25 2008

Monday was quite the roller coaster ride with huge valleys between the peaks. I think the ride was more for me than for Marilyn because it seems her mind is so clouded by medication that she isn’t aware of the difference between reality and fantasy.

Happy with the progress towards mobility over the weekend I thought I would make a big effort to go for more walks, encourage sitting up for meals, maybe some reading, computer chatting or perhaps a bit of TV. With this in mind I rose early for a quick stop at the hospital and then on to one of the first busy days I had planned in a long while. Well, the quick stop turned into a 2-hour fiasco between trying to decipher Marilyn’s rather wild stories and the frustration of watching her struggle to comprehend how one uses their legs and feet for the purpose of standing. With much effort and the encouragement of 2 nurses and myself she did finally manage to achieve a rather wobbly standing position for a few short minutes ending up with knees buckling and flopping back onto her bed. I was thankful the idea of the walk had been aborted during the ordeal. Marilyn then sank into a seemingly deep drug induced coma-like sleep and I left her company to tackle the many tasks I had scheduled for myself.

A call from the doctor reporting that recent lab results seemed good with infections and kidney functions beginning to return to normal put my mind at ease, but still no confirmation as to why her blood platelet count was so low. However, the complete report was not in as yet. Later in the afternoon my spirits rose even more when I answered the phone to Marilyn’s cheery and totally normal voice telling me that Pastor Ray was in for a visit at the moment and that the doctors had been “all smiles” when they informed her that with such good progress she would be heading home soon. My mind began to whirl – “is this fact or fiction” I thought. The stories I hear Marilyn telling are so completely different from my own first hand observations. The next call sent me skidding down into the valley again as Marilyn barely could whisper how much pain she was having. All I could do was encourage her to call the nurse, Not being able to even reach out with a reassuring touch is so difficult and frustrating from the far side of a telephone conversation.

The rest of the evening I immersed myself into helping my oldest son move furniture into his newly renovated basement knowing that all I could do was commit this into God’s hands. Not long into our work the phone rang once again, but this time it was for Tracie, our daughter in law. Once again Marilyn was her cheery old self – this time reporting that Tracie’s mom and a friend were in for a visit. Up went my spirits again – staying that way for the rest of the evening.

As I lie in bed on a new day, listening to the rain and realizing that I need to put the gardening tools and lawn mower away, I can’t help but wonder about the rather baffling shift of events of yesterday. I need to focus on today, leave the future to God and put the past behind. Also I need to catch a few more winks before I get up to face the morning.

Bryon