The Hardest Day Of My Life

People have often said to me, and I have often thought it, that going to the funeral service of your beloved wife would be the hardest thing a person could ever do.  I was sure that Sept 27 would be the most difficult day of my life.  I think these statements are true, except for one very important fact.  The fact that when a person has the 100% assurance that their loved one is in a place far better than can even be imagined.  

I went to bed on Friday night wondering how I would manage the next day and asking God for strength to make it through.  For the first time in months I slept 6 hours straight. My mind was clear for the day and as I drove alone up that straight stretch of highway between Calgary and Olds I was compelled to switch my radio over to CD and began listening to some of my favorite gospel artists.  Halfway through the journey, I started to sing, I turned off the CD and began to sing the songs we had picked for the service.  Again for the first time in months, even years, my voice felt young again.  I could sing high notes and low without even straining.  I know that God was giving me strength - a supernatural strength I had never experienced before.

Managing a "strong front" wasn't an issue for me on a day that was supposed to be the hardest day of my life.  I had thought that I would have to dig back into the reserves of my years as a performer and call up the old acting skills to make it through.  Not so, it just seemed natural to visit, hug and sometimes even console the friends and relatives who came to stand with me through this "difficult time".  Reflecting back, I know that Jesus was standing beside me, holding me up and giving me strength through every minute of the day.

We are told in the bible that if we ask we will receive.  I asked for strength and God gave it to me.  The service was beautiful.  My 2 boys and their wives made beautiful displays and memorials of their mother that I will treasure forever.  The music was uplifting, I sang along with the congregation without tears.  God also tells us that He will "wipe away all our tears", and I experienced that on September 27 - The hardest day of my life.

There are to many people to thank for all the help in preparing for this beautiful day that I won't mention names here as I know I will forget someone.  One thing for sure - I am thankful that 2 dear friends offered to video the day.  I had thought that I would never want to remind myself of the events of yesterday and that my video camera would stay packed in its carrying case.  Now, as I review the tape and prepare snippets for viewing on my blog, I am glad I have it. Feel free to browse through the sidebar to the left and watch and listen to the tributes, music and messages of the day.  Over time I will render the whole service for viewing, however I have found that the only way to share these moments over the internet is in bits and pieces.  Each clip has been placed in the order of occurrence so when all the clips have been readied for viewing a person can join us in this  entire celebration by simply clicking through all of the clips from top to bottom.  

Enjoy them and celebrate with me.  The LIFE of my beloved Marilyn.