Marilyn's journey through cancer

It's Been A Long Time But Christmas Has Finally Arrived

2009-12-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

3 ½ months have come and gone since my last update here and once again a great deal of water has passed under the bridge of life.. I recall noting in my last entry how quickly vacations seem to fly by and how long it seems since the last one. Now as I look back on the last 3 months it feels like just yesterday I was contemplating the opening of yet another year of school.

Vacations are always too short

2009-09-05T08:29:00.004-06:00

Well once again it has been a long time since I wrote anything here. The last time I stopped to write I was celebrating Fathers Day with family and contemplating a long summer vacation. Long never seems long after it is over though. Vacation times always go too quickly and once again that was the case for me. Although I must say that even though the holiday season seemed to short I was able

2009-06-22T01:02:00.005-06:00

Fathers Day Pictures Easton chillin with Mommy, Daddy & Pantone on Fathers Day. Grampa loves to cuddle with little Easton

Fathers Day

2009-06-20T23:41:00.005-06:00

Tomorrow is Fathers Day - I haven't written anything since April. It is hard to believe that so much time has passed. Often I think of Marilyn's online friends and wonder how they are doing. Seeing some new notes from old friends did my heart good today. I'm looking forward to a visit from my grandson tomorrow afternoon. It seems that every time I see him he has grown a few more inches and

Spring is here (I think)

2009-04-15T16:53:00.003-06:00

Another month has come and gone so it must be time to write again. Easton, of course is beginning to grow like a little weed and is continuing to work hard on that good set of lungs of his. This weekend our family gathered again for the traditional turkey dinner at my home. I am so thankful that both my sons married wonderful cooks - so together we managed to scrape up a few gourmet dishes

2009-03-14T09:33:00.002-06:00

Well here it is the middle of March and I haven't written since February. I still often drop by this blog to see who has been here and though most don't leave a comment I see your presence and feel your prayers. Last week at this time on Saturday morning I took some time to sit in one of Marilyn's favorite chat rooms. It was great to connect with a few of her dear friends and spend a few

My first day as a Grampa

2009-02-04T23:50:00.003-07:00

Well I have been pleasantly surprised with some rather quick responses to my comments last week. Sometimes I wonder if people actually read what I write. Not that I need to have people reading my thoughts but it is a comfort to me at times when I feel lonely. I know that Marilyn had many friends that I never knew and I often wish I had taken the time to connect the way she only could. My life

2009-01-31T07:36:00.002-07:00

Wow - A whole month has flown by and I haven't written a thing here. It isn't that I haven't stopped by at all. I often drop in just to see if anyone has been here - and to remember. It is a place that has seemed to stand still in time for me. A place where the memories are still fresh - some beautiful and others difficult. A place where the tears still flow but still a place I feel the

2008-12-24T07:58:00.002-07:00

I have been warned by many that Christmas will be one of the hardest and loneliest times for me to endure. To a point this has been true for me. If I simply focus on myself and the memories that surround me, the tears begin to flow freely. But that is due to our built in selfish nature. Remembering the reason why Christ came to earth effectively quells all those feelings of loneliness. Jesus

2008-12-07T08:11:00.003-07:00

It has been a long time - far too long since I last took the time to sit and write. I have started a few times but then seem to get sidetracked, thinking I am too busy and move on to another task. Moving on however, can sometimes be a form of moving around - around a circle. Instead of actually accomplishing something worthwhile, life simply becomes a series of circular motions as we shift our

New Life

2008-11-12T01:54:00.003-07:00

Romans 8:28 says : "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."I have often misinterpreted this to say something like “God makes everything good if you are a Christian. This is far from the truth. Everything isn’t good all the time. The verse clearly says that God uses all of life’s circumstances to “work

It's Been A Long Time

2008-11-06T01:26:00.003-07:00

It has been a long time since I have written on this blog. Not because I am quitting at all. I guess mainly because I think I am really busy and just can't think of much to say. In actuality, I am busy, but in reality my busyness is a result of just never really being focused on what I am actually doing. Setting a routine has been hard. No one to answer to, no one to remind me of details.

Silence is Golden

2008-10-26T09:46:00.003-06:00

It has been a very long week. The first week living alone. It has been a hard week but God has been with me - especially through the had times. This week I have had to claim the words of Jesus from Matthew Chapter 11:28 - 30 as words of comfort and hope for me. "28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am

Where is your treasure?

2008-10-18T09:52:00.003-06:00

It is Saturday morning, I am lying in bed typing away on my laptop and missing Marilyn. I know that I need to get on with my life and I must say that I am doing that - but sometimes remembering is hard. Saturdays were always special for us. We had our special breakfast spot. I could always entice Marilyn to get up a bit earlier if we were going out for breakfast. On the way we would often

Much more to learn

2008-10-12T13:52:00.004-06:00

Another week has come and gone and I am reflecting back as I prepare my heart for Sunday morning worship. I can hardly even remember the events of last week, just going through the motions of doing many things for the first time. The first time without Marilyn. The hardest part of each day for me is the morning. Waking up alone and thinking “I can’t share my thoughts with anyone, - all the

A big thank you

2008-10-04T08:20:00.003-06:00

I can't begin to thank all who have sent cards, made that difficult phone call, or stopped by to offer kind words and a hug. Every word, whether spoken, written or thought, has been treasured. As time passes, memories blossom. Everywhere I look are reminders of good times and precious memories. Some bring tears and others laughter. Everyone has been so kind to offer more than just the

No Regrets

2008-09-30T08:30:00.000-06:00

Over the last few days, preparing for Marilyn’s memorial service, I have been sifting thorough keepsakes, old photographs, and memories, stopping from time to time to wipe away the tears. We created so many good memories together. No one can take away the memories. They remain with you forever, whether they were good or bad. In the 4th Chapter of Ephesians, Paul warns us against remaining

The Hardest Day Of My Life

2008-09-28T08:39:00.004-06:00

People have often said to me, and I have often thought it, that going to the funeral service of your beloved wife would be the hardest thing a person could ever do. I was sure that Sept 27 would be the most difficult day of my life. I think these statements are true, except for one very important fact. The fact that when a person has the 100% assurance that their loved one is in a place far

The final awakening

2008-09-27T06:53:00.004-06:00

I haven’t had much time to just sit and think this week. Probably that is a good thing, keeping me from depression. On Friday though, I had a very quiet day. The phone only rang a few times and I had the day mostly to myself. A day to think and meditate.Much of the numbness of the past has begun to wear off and the reality of the future is setting in. For the first few days after Marilyn’s

Time with the family

2008-09-23T23:03:00.003-06:00

Today I took a break. It was time to just spend a few hours with family. Caulene, Marilyn's sister from Slovakia arrived on Sunday evening and stayed, helping me All day on Monday. Today I drove her up to Olds and we had time to just be together as a family with Marilyn's father. Caulene has recently returned from helping at the Children's Garden Orphanage and had taken some video of the

Another Tribute

2008-09-22T20:12:00.001-06:00

Thank you to Norman Brodie, whose wife is a long time internet friend of Marilyn, for a song/poem he wrote and offered in memory of Marilyn.From Dust to Dust by Norman BrodieIt seems like only yesterday when you slipped awayThe pain that wracked your body was silenced on that dayWe are left to carry on, but we’re not aloneWith Jesus standing by our side, even when we moan.Chorus:From dust to

2008-09-21T17:15:00.002-06:00

It is Sunday again. I haven't been able to attend church in over a month. Thankfully I have friends willing to meet me there today and sit with me so I don't have to sit alone. What a difference when you have caring friends. As I sat at home preparing to return to a place that meant so much to Marilyn, I am wondering how it will feel to enter as a single person. I haven't been single since

Resting in the Love of Jesus

2008-09-20T08:33:00.004-06:00

I have hardly ever felt as exhausted as I did last night. All of my responsibilities and duties began to weigh heavily on my shoulders. Unfinished paper work still lays strewn around the house in seemingly every corner as I continue to put off one thing for something of greater importance. I have planned city wide events, and major trips involving extravagant details for others ... but this...

A New Day

2008-09-19T00:42:00.002-06:00

Many of you have read Ardith’s account of Marilyn’s peaceful passing. I too was with my beloved wife and watched for hours as she struggled for the next breath. Many times before, in our private conversations. Marilyn quizzed me saying “I want you to know that I am 100 % ready to go” she often said, “I have such a better place to go to than here with all this pain.” Then she would end the

Graduation to Glory

2008-09-17T10:00:00.009-06:00

Today at 8:05 a.m. Marilyn crossed the finish line of life , graduating with honors passing through the Pearly Gates of heaven. Her dearest friend, confidant and cousin sat by her side as she struggled through the night. Below is her account of the event. Remember that we do not grieve for one who has gone on but now celebrate her amazing life and testimony. I have so appreciated your

Family Meeting

2008-09-16T09:22:00.002-06:00

On Monday we sat down as a family with doctors and medical staff to discuss "Where do we go from here"? Originally the purpose of the meeting was to collaborate and agree on a lang term care facility to place Marilyn in. The topic of discussion however, took on a different focus due to the deterioration in Marilyn's condition. When only 4 days before we could still converse, now Marilyn

La La Land

2008-09-14T08:34:00.004-06:00

Today is Sunday. The last time I went to church was with Marilyn, she only lasted through the first few worship songs before the pain and stomach cramps forced us back home. Today, I am hoping that Marilyn will be able to join us in reality and come back from La La Land where she has been residing for the last 72 hours. Today will be the last time she will see my sister, Shirley for a long

Who holds the future?

2008-09-11T21:41:00.004-06:00

The week is drawing to a close and soon it will be time to say goodbye to my sister and her husband. I'm not looking forward to it. Good byes are never easy and in this case it will be even harder. Both Shirley and Gary have been wonderful, helping us through some of the most difficult times we have ever faced. I knew that when the time came to discuss Marilyn's future with her that I would

The Future is with God

2008-09-11T01:56:00.006-06:00

The last few days have been difficult ones for me. If we could only say some magic words, look into the future and make decisions. Wouldn't life be simpler!! But God didn't give us that option. What he did give us is the ability to trust, pray, and wait. Not the easiest thing to do. He also gave us a promise. The promise that He would provide us with our needs each day. I have been

My heart cries out

2008-09-10T00:28:00.003-06:00

Sometimes it is hard to know what to write even though much is bottled up inside. The last few days my time with Marilyn has been limited to only a few minutes each day. Family and friends have been so faithful to be there for the two of us lately even though at times I don't know how I can go on. Marilyn's sweet personality has sifted through the clouds of confusion and drug induced

An upward battle

2008-09-09T01:10:00.003-06:00

I would like to write a lot more these days but time does not permit it. Between school and the hospital, my life is whirling by without time to do much of anything else. The last few days have seen Marilyn improve drastically in the area of mental awareness. Although this is very good news and we hope the trend will continue, Marilyn's physical condition remains a great concern. Because

Basking in blessings

2008-09-06T23:31:00.003-06:00

"I have some good days and some days are bad". I have heard Marilyn repeat this phrase to many when questioned as to how she is doing. It is a phrase that I have come to understand more over and over again as Marilyn rides the roller coaster of her life journey.Today was one of those "good days". Good, being a great deal better than yesterday but still a long way from "its time to go home

Tired but not sleepy

2008-09-06T01:53:00.004-06:00

It has been a very long day. Not just for myself but also for my family. My sister, Shirley and her husband Gary, have kindly consented to fly in from their home in New York and spend the next week here with me. Shirley is a retired nurse and will be spending some much appreciated quality time with Marilyn during the next week. After this past week of another normal but highly hectic school

Looking back to the future

2008-09-04T23:44:00.006-06:00

Today was Marilyn's last radiation treatment. Whether or not there will be any positive results from this still remains to be seen. I took some time to read back in my journal and discovered that the feelings I had 2 years ago, (shortly after her radiation treatments had ended) were almost identical to how I feel today. Below is my entry from early May of 2006Questions without answers"May 2,

A Little Spark

2008-09-03T23:15:00.002-06:00

I left school late again, not knowing what to think of all that has taken place over the last few days. As I checked my phone messages I discovered two in rapid succession from Marilyn earlier this morning. (Apparently my cell phone had unknowingly switched to silent mode. She sounded quite desperate, asking that I come immediately up to the hospital. I felt terrible, thinking "have I

The Battle Continues

2008-09-03T09:57:00.003-06:00

I am sitting at my desk during one of the few short breaks in my busy school day so can't take much time for writing, I do need to say however that the last few days have been very difficult as Doctors and nurses try unsuccessfully to unscramble the reasons for Marilyn's recent downturn. Her blood count has dropped in all areas, she has become almost totally immobile, her blood sugar levels are

Moving Onward and Upward.

2008-09-01T22:40:00.004-06:00

Even though Marilyn remains very sedated and somewhat confused, she has had a better day. It is painful to watch as she gropes to think of the words she wants to say, but as the day wore on, so also did her understanding and interpretation of things. The doctor called me this morning to explain what she was going to do for Marilyn today. First of all, Marilyn got a fancy new bed that will

A really long weekend

2008-08-31T22:09:00.004-06:00

The phone rang early this morning and Marilyn shaky voice was telling me of her intense pain and of how frightened she was. This was the beginning to one of the hardest days of my life. Most of the day was spent doing what I could to sooth Marilyn's pain simply sitting by her side and praying while softly rubbing her back.Today fell on the heels of probably one of the more upsetting days I have

Coasting through the valley

2008-08-30T09:02:00.007-06:00

The last 24 hours have continued to spiral downward for Marilyn, leaving me in a state of mental exhaustion. With school about to begin, I need to focus much of my energies towards preparation in readiness for opening day. Usually this is an exciting time anticipating another year with a new group of happy and excited children. I am looking forward to a new position, new responsibilities and

The treatment begins

2008-08-29T01:56:00.000-06:00

Radiation treatment began today and I am very grateful that Marilyn’s close cousin and faithful friend was available to be by her side as she prepared herself once again to traverse the long maze of hallways from her room to the nuclear treatment department. According to Ardith, Marilyn was in good spirits, joking with the various workers along the way. Once again, the comparatively short

Finding strength

2008-08-28T00:39:00.002-06:00

August 27, 2008Today was my first official day back to school, although I have been back unofficially for the last week. I have taken on a new responsibility in the field of computers and media technology, which has kept me hopping. Although the work has eaten up 110% of any leisure time I might have had, it has been therapeutic, giving me something to focus on other than Marilyn’s condition.

Life Is A Roller Coaster Ride

2008-08-26T08:08:00.002-06:00

August 25 2008Monday was quite the roller coaster ride with huge valleys between the peaks. I think the ride was more for me than for Marilyn because it seems her mind is so clouded by medication that she isn’t aware of the difference between reality and fantasy. Happy with the progress towards mobility over the weekend I thought I would make a big effort to go for more walks, encourage sitting

Something To Hope For

2008-08-24T17:59:00.000-06:00

August 24, 2008I thought I would get some needed rest and sleep in today but things don’t always turn out the way they are planned in my mind. The phone began to ring quite early and after I wake up there just doesn’t seem to be much hope for turning over and catching any more winks. First of all it was Marilyn’s dad just checking in and then the floodgates opened. Marilyn called – all upset

Good Signs

2008-08-23T10:49:00.003-06:00

In the past 24 hours my phone has rung more often than normal. Most of my calls are from telemarketers wanting me to subscribe, answer questions and generally waste my time. However these calls have been different – They have been from my wife – asking me to remember this or that – asking for things to be brought up to the hospital. I know that when she can rag on me for anything that she must

A Better Day

2008-08-22T03:28:00.001-06:00

August 22, 2008As I entered Marilyn’s room today the atmosphere was different. Not knowing just what to expect, I was elated to hear her voice, no longer a whisper, and to see her eyes, no longer closed. The confused and frightened clouded stare was now replaced with a hint of the old twinkle. On her bedside table were the remnants of a tuna fish sandwich she had eaten for lunch, evidence of a

New Hope and Questions Answered

2008-08-20T17:28:00.005-06:00

It appears that sometimes one needs to show frustration because today as I sit in Marilyn's lovely quiet private quarters all seems at peace. The only sounds are the clicking of my keyboard, muted vioces in the distance and quiet sounds of the occasional cart rolling by. Several doctors have made the effort to drop by today and give some educated answers to my many questions. After the events

Questions without answers

2008-08-20T03:39:00.002-06:00

August 19, 2008Questions Without AnswersI know we all have questions waiting to be answered but today my question box runneth over. Why, after two long weeks in the hospital, is Marilyn getting worse each day instead of better? Why do we always seem to be waiting, waiting for doctors, waiting for tests, waiting for results, waiting for answers, waiting for… Why does there seem to be no

Rest doesn't come easy

2008-08-19T05:53:00.005-06:00

It is almost 6 am Tuesday morning and I haven't slept much through the night. I left the hospital at about 8 p.m. Monday night, exhausted by the days events. There is just a few days left before school starts and I need to be ready for that as well as spend as much time as I can with Marilyn. When I arrived at the hospital Marilyn was not in her room so I assumed she had been taken down for her

The Weekend Is For Resting

2008-08-16T19:13:00.003-06:00

Dear friends and familyThe scans, tests and probes are in the past and as I write this Marilyn is quietly resting, hoping to build up strength for the treatment scheduled to begin on Monday. The days have been long as doctors seek to gain more control of this intense pain. This weekend, Marilyn has no limits on requests for medication. This is to enable the physicians an opportunity to assess

A Plan for Treatment

2008-08-12T04:45:00.000-06:00

August 12, 2008After a full week of waiting, praying and enduring much pain, we have finally met and consulted with our oncologist. A plan for treatment is now in the process of being formulated. During the last two days new X-Rays and Bone Scans have revealed that most likely, Marilyn’s source of pain is being created from her original tumor that has once again begun to eat away at her pelvic

The Complete Report

2008-08-09T04:42:00.000-06:00

August 9 2008Today I arrived in Marilyn’s room just minutes before the resident doctor came in bearing the latest news. I am so thankful for not missing this important moment. The CT scan has revealed some things that will require earnest prayer and immediate intervention. It seems the cancer is back and active in more than one place. First, a new 3 cm lesion has been discovered on the

Unexpected News

2008-08-08T04:40:00.000-06:00

August 8After a tiring 30 hours of waiting, Marilyn was wheeled down the long hallways for her CT scan. Because of her intense pain and high doses of medications, hospital staff wanted to take no risks and accompanied her into the scan with two nurses and a doctor. The scan went smoothly with Marilyn remembering little but the “train ride” back to the room. Two more hours of waiting and then

Back in the Hospital

2008-08-06T04:35:00.000-06:00

August 6, 2008Thanks for all the encouraging emails. You have helped us to lay our burdens at the feet of Jesus. Early this evening, Marilyn was finally moved from the isolation ward in the emergency department to room 580 in ward 57 of the Tom Baker Cancer Center. When I left she was drifting off to sleep. The day was spent setting up and completing her official admittance to the hospital

PAIN-Out Of Control

2008-08-05T01:55:00.000-06:00

Marilyn's pain went way out of control today and her doc requested that Itake her to emergency. I just got home from the Hospital - it is 2 AM. Weonly waited 4 hours to get a bed in emerg (last time it was 18 hours).Marilyn had good nurses and I was able to find the closest parking spot inthe parking lot - Thank the Lord for that because I needed to go out to thevan quite often through the whole

Filling in the Gaps (The year without journals)

2008-08-04T18:27:00.001-06:00

From December 23 2006 until August 5 2008, I let my journaling slide to a halt. Other things seemed to take precedence. My involvement with my job teaching learning disabled students, looking after Marilyn at home, and playing on weekends in one of our church worship bands seemed to take up so much time I simply let the journaling process die. Now that I look back on this I realize that

It Was A Very Good Year!!

2006-12-23T03:21:00.000-07:00

What better time of the year but at Christmas to receive some good news! Marilyn and I entered the Doctor’s office on Wednesday and waited with fear and trepidation, not knowing what we would be told concerning her last scan just 2 weeks prior. The interview began with the expected question, “How have you been feeling lately?” Marilyn’s answer “Pretty good I guess”/“How good?” came the reply –

A Huge Accomplishment!!

2006-09-24T02:27:00.000-06:00

What a beautiful day for a hike. I never thought I would be setting out into the woods to hike up a trail with Marilyn quite so soon but God had other ideas. We set out for a short Sunday afternoon drive and ended up at a friends’ place who happens to be building a new house at the top of a steep hill. Of course we were curious to see the progress but Marilyn had no intention of hoofing it up

Early Success!!

2006-09-10T02:21:00.000-06:00

September 10, 2006I just spent a few minutes reading back over some of the journals I wrote during the first few days of April when this whole ordeal began. The thing I have to keep reminding myself is – how far Marilyn has come in the last five months. Five months, not a very long time in the big picture of life - but for Marilyn and I - it has seemed like an eternity. From total loss of

Home At Last - Time to Set New Goals

2006-08-10T02:12:00.000-06:00

August 10, 2006It has been 18 weeks, 19 hours, 59 minutes …( but who’s counting), from the day I insisted Marilyn take her first ambulance ride to the emergency care department. A torrent of water has passed under that bridge, and today I am bustling about preparing our home for her return, (hopefully permanently). In some ways it seems like only yesterday and in others – a complete eternity.

Home Again Home Again Jiggedy Jig!!

2006-07-11T02:09:00.000-06:00

July 11Once again Marilyn has pushed hard through her pain to do her exercises. Over the last week she has accomplished climbing and descending stairs with the aid of a cane and handrail. She also graduated to riding in the front seat of out van so I now can take her for a short ride. On Sunday we tested out her endurance again by planning a party at our home. I told Marilyn the party was a

Major Celebration - We reached our Goal - We've got a Wedding to Attend!

2006-07-03T02:01:00.000-06:00

July 3, 2006Praise the Lord!!! Marilyn reached her first goal. All the exercises have paid off. The wedding was a big success. Not only did Marilyn reach her goal of attending the ceremony in the park, she also enjoyed a beautiful steak reception dinner and over 3 hours socializing with the guests.Here is to the future and wishing each of you reading this – GOOD HEALTH – and don’t stop

Looking Forward Is Better Than Looking Back

2006-06-26T01:57:00.000-06:00

June 26Another week has passed and Marilyn continues her slow but steady progress. Each day there is a new first. First time walking without a security belt! First time to eat a meal sitting up in the dining hall! First time to request a walk in the sunshine!Nurses and visitors alike have noticed the positive change. The twinkle has returned to Marilyn’s eye and her mind is whirling with

Home for Father's Day

2006-06-18T01:51:00.000-06:00

June 18I have never appreciated Father’s day more than I have today. As Father’s day 2006 drew nearer I steeled myself with the realization that likely the day would pass as all the others with little significance – just another day hoping and wanting to see Marilyn push towards perhaps another step down the hall outside her hospital room door. And then - an idea began to emerge in the back of

Nearing the goal

2006-06-12T01:48:00.000-06:00

June 12Another week has passed and Marilyn’s progress continues. Even though each step is small I thank God that the uphill battle has not become another slide downwards. Thanks to Heather (Marilyn’s physical terrorist) she has not missed a day of walking, exercises and increasing her tolerance for sitting. I am sure that Marilyn feels that the word “terrorist” is a far better descriptor than

Moving On

2006-06-06T01:41:00.000-06:00

June 6The 3rd week of exercise has come and gone but this time there has been a definite slow but steady progress. Marilyn has been able to stand, sit and walk a little each day. However, each step and every minute sitting has been accomplished with great effort and much pain. Yesterday (Monday), a family meeting was held in Marilyn’s hospital room with all of the main players. Everyone had

It's Not All Roses But I Promise To Stand By You - Good Times or Bad

2006-06-06T01:30:00.000-06:00

June 6 refusalsTried to get out of exercises both in am and pmAm – said she couldn’t sit on commode and asked to be taken off after only 1 minute (Heather was able to persuade Marilyn to try commode as well as stay sitting for almost 10 minutes)Pm – Asked me to find Heather and tell her she couldn’t do exercises because she was tired out from her BM – Heather managed to convince her to walk again

Progress is beautiful!!

2006-06-03T01:20:00.000-06:00

June 1I guess I goofed my link to Marilyn’s exercise progress chart yesterday. Thanks to Ardith for pointing this out. I would never have known otherwise. AND it appears that Ardith has finally decided to commit to becoming a partner with Marilyn and has set a goal to put in extra time practicing her harp. I can’t wait for that first debut concert Ardith. More importantly however, is the

Beating the Clock

2006-05-31T21:14:00.000-06:00

May 31, 2006Marilyn is in a race against time. These words continue to ring through my mind like a song that you can’t make go away. But the reality of them rings true each time I watch Marilyn struggle to complete another exercise or execute some menial task most would take for granted. These are the words the doctor impressed on Lyn and I as we sat in his office on Friday morning engaging in

Forging Ahead

2006-05-26T21:02:00.000-06:00

May 26Marilyn continues to forge ahead, making us all very proud of her and happy. I realize now that what I thought were baby steps during her first attempts at the Foothills were really giant steps for her. The depression and discouragement she experienced was greatly influenced by her failure to meet expectations “normal” patients could accomplish in a few days on the orthopedic ward.

Turning The Corner

2006-05-24T20:55:00.000-06:00

May 24Today there has been much joy in the Seeley household. For the first time, there has been a huge positive attitude shift in Marilyn’s thinking and attitude. She seems to have begun to internalize many goals and for herself. This is what I have been praying for weeks! Instead of these just being my dreams, I can now feel we are working together to accomplish a common objective. Yesterday

New Surroundings, But Still - The Same Old Feelings

2006-05-22T20:46:00.000-06:00

May 22May long weekend, a time for planting and bringing spring to life. The weather is beautiful – better than most years. I remember our first camping experience together. It was a rain filled and very wet stay at the three sisters campground close to Canmore. For some reason the experience never dampened our love for the outdoors and camping. But for now, for Marilyn, the outdoors can

A New Beginning

2006-05-18T20:32:00.000-06:00

May 18It’s impossible to know what to expect as each day passes. I think I have a handle on something and everything changes. I was feeling like Marilyn and I were becoming permanent fixtures of Ward 72 at Foothills Hospital and it was time to meet with the “team” for a strategy session. The meeting was called for 1:30 pm and then at 1 just after coming out of a long session with my own doctor,

Another Setback

2006-05-17T20:17:00.000-06:00

May 17Thanks so much for your consistent prayers and friendship. It means so much to both of us. I will be praying for "Dove" and Jack as they travel to Ireland. I hope you have a wonderful and safe trip. I will add your exercise commitment to the growing list. We got a beautiful card today from our good Internet friend "Dove". and I read the poem that she enclosed to Marilyn. I don't know

Progress brings joy!!

2006-05-15T19:18:00.000-06:00

May 15My steps were quicker and my heart sang as I headed home from the hospital today. The weather was perfect, the kind of spring day you dream about. Birds sang and a light breeze swept through my hair as I stopped off at the local nursery to check out the latest shipment of spring annuals that had arrived for planting. Even though I normally look forward to the feel of fresh dirt under my

Cause For Celebration

2006-05-14T19:13:00.000-06:00

May 14Today is Mother’s day – perhaps not the best way to spend a day of celebration – but I look at this as hope for a new beginning. A new beginning for both Marilyn and I. Helping Marilyn through this last week has been the hardest thing I have ever faced. Watching Marilyn lose all hope for a future along with her intensifying fear sent me into a circle of changing emotions with only God to

Desperate Times Spawn Creative Ideas

2006-05-12T19:09:00.000-06:00

May 12Marilyn had a terrible day today - her legs gave out after a trip out into the hallway and she couldn't make it make to the bed without a lot of help. To her this is a fall and failure to accomplish. It is hard for her to focus on the positive and take her mind off the bad things that happen. By the time I arrived at the hospital she was in tears with pain. The "fall" did seem to create

Two Steps Forward & Four Steps Back

2006-05-10T18:55:00.000-06:00

May 7Marilyn was able to stand up twice and walk to the curtain, turn around and get back to the bed. She faltered a little the second time, thinking she was going to end up on the floor again but the nurse was fantastic and talked her through it. Her meds have been changed and today she was very groggy and slept the whole time I was there. But she didn't have the tremors as bad. I hope that

Setting goals

2006-05-06T18:50:00.000-06:00

May 6 More steps, more praise, and now a goal. There are others who need this bed we are told and you need to set a goal. So on Friday May 12 there will be a progress evaluation – and the question – where do we go from here? There are rehabilitation programs available but first Marilyn must qualify for acceptance. This is a scary thought for both of us. It is hard for me to imagine that these

Tiny steps bring joy!!

2006-05-03T18:48:00.000-06:00

May 5, 2006Today my heart is full of joy and I look with great anticipation towards the future. No, there has been no magic miracle or fantastic cure , only a few more baby steps. But with each baby step there comes a renewed hope. Hope that Marilyn will be once again able to look past the four walls of a hospital chamber and breath in the fresh spring air. It seems strange to be rejoicing

Questions without answers

2006-05-02T18:42:00.000-06:00

May 2, 2006In some ways time has been rushing by and in other ways it has stood still. When I think that we are approaching the 1st month anniversary of Marilyn’s admittance to the hospital it is hard to believe how long it has been. One day seems to blend into another and time seems to stand still. Wishing, hoping and praying that the pain that is so disabling will subside, I watch as

Where would I be without friends?

2006-04-30T18:34:00.000-06:00

April 30 I have been struggling with my emotions the last few days. Everything from Anger to sadness to discouragement. I have been asking God for some Joy but none has come lately. A few minutes ago I got off the phone with a good friend of mine - Dale Biebrick. It was hard to talk with the tears welling up in my head but listening was helpful. Just knowing there are people praying helps a

Prayer that sustains

2006-04-28T18:27:00.000-06:00

April 28Today is my birthday. I had forgotten until David, my son called yesterday as I was heading off for the hospital and asked what my plans were for the evening. Marilyn remembered too and independently of each other, plans had been made for a celebration so now I have 2 parties to attend. One at the hospital and the other with my kids. Life is good!I haven't written anything for a

Little Blessings bring Hope

2006-04-25T18:24:00.000-06:00

April 25Thanks so much for your concern. Yes Marilyn is very weak physically but her spirit is strong and her faith is in a God of miracles. Today one of the surgeons (DR. Temple) who works with Marilyn's main doctor was in to share a little of his thoughts with us. He explained that now with the first 5 bouts of radiation over we would wait for a while (no one ever tells us how long a while

Waiting Spawns Discouragement

2006-04-24T18:21:00.000-06:00

April 24Marilyn was in too much pain to sleep much last night. When I arrived at the hospital today she was in tears - partly from the pain but also from extreme discouragement. Her spirit is under great trial these days as she feels a death sentence has been pronounced over her. I watched the movie "Patch Adams" last night and wished I could bring some happiness back into her life the way

Struggling for mobility

2006-04-23T18:07:00.000-06:00

April 23Marilyn has never needed prayer more than now. Today had it's good moments and bad. Marilyn had lots of visitors, mostly family but each person was a blessing to both or us. Cheryl, Marilyn's nurse today worked hard to put together a crew of people to help her to stand up. Her plan was to get Marilyn into a fancy chair that could mold into almost any position and then have her go for a

The Journey Continues

2006-04-22T18:03:00.000-06:00

April 22Not much change today and no real significant relief from the pain. The nurses and transfer team were able to help Marilyn take a real shower today for which she was very thankful. I sat and rubbed her back and thigh with our special anti stress cream for about 2 - 3 hours which seemed to help her relax so she fell asleep for an hour or so just before supper. After supper the pain and

Struggling To Stay On Top

2006-04-21T17:10:00.000-06:00

April 21Marilyn had a pretty bad day today and wasn't able to get on top of the pain at all. One Doctor said that she might feel relief from the pain soon after the first treatment while the radiation nurses told her that the pain might get worse soon after she went through some radiation. The nurse on the ward thought that maybe her soft set injection port quit working so changed it to a fresh

Struggling With Reality

2006-04-20T17:05:00.000-06:00

April 20I so appreciate everyone who is praying for Marilyn. Today I had to come home early from the hospital. It is so hard to watch her in pain and not be able to make it go away. The doctors ordered a gynecological exam, as they wanted a biopsy from inside her womb. This turned out to be impossible, as she simply can't tolerate the pain. If this has to be done it will only be possible with

Pain Can't Ruin A Good Party

2006-04-19T11:21:00.000-06:00

April 18, 2006Today was Marilyn’s birthday. At 10:00 she called to say she was headed off to the radiation department. Alice Glowaki was already there for a visit so I hurried off to the hospital so I could be there when Marilyn returned to her room. Alice was still in the room waiting when I finally arrived around 11, meeting Dorothy and Marilyn’s dad on the way up. Marilyn rolled back around

Easter Weekend Doldrums

2006-04-18T11:16:00.000-06:00

April 15 - 17Quite a different Easter weekend. No special Sunday service, No special music, No special dinner. Only clear liquids, lots of pain and prayer for patience as we waited for another procedure. Marilyn is motivated to become mobile, if only to be able to use a real potty. With the help of the kind nurses she was able to stand up for a few seconds and take a step or two, but still

Trying to Move

2006-04-14T06:15:00.000-06:00

April 14Not much company for the last 2 days. Probably a good thing as Marilyn has been utterly exhausted and would like so much to recuperate some strength. Early this morning the specialist (DR Price) who is being consulted regarding Marilyn's colonoscopy dropped by and made a rather uncalled for comment of "I'm not sure what good this test will do here” This was quite upsetting to Marilyn

Diagnosis

2006-04-13T06:11:00.001-06:00

April 12Today I spent almost 4 hours in the doctors office while he talked on the phone with several specialists regarding Marilyn's case. Only a preliminary diagnosis has been reached - This is a very rare form of cancer called adenosquamous carcinoma. It is uncertain where this originated in her body and no treatment can be started until this can be determined. What we do know is that a large

Prayer for April 11

2006-04-11T06:01:00.000-06:00

Prayer for April 11Dear Lord.Thank you for bringing Marilyn back and taking away her confusion. Thank you for giving her strength for the future. Please help us as we face the news of this biopsy. I pray for a clear mind and wisdom for the doctors. Help me sleep now and take away my sore throat. Help us accept what the doctors say. I pray that Marilyn will be able to recover and live a

Stress Diversion

2006-04-11T05:43:00.000-06:00

April 11 2006After not going to sleep until after 3 sleeping in until almost 11 was welcomed. I wondered why I hadn’t had any phone calls and then realized I had call forwarded to my cell and then turned off the cell. Oh well only 1 message was left and I needed the sleep.I rushed around and went up to the hospital. where Marilyn was visiting away with Irene Biebrick and eating her lunch.

Monday's Prayer

2006-04-10T11:25:00.000-06:00

Prayer for MondayDear Jesus:I am so scared about the results. I keep thinking what things might be like if this isn’t cancer. I really hope that it isn’t and whatever it is can be treated. But if it is your will for this to be cancer help us to face it and learn from you. Give us strength tomorrow. Help Marilyn in the test. Help her to be still and calm. Take her fears away and help her to

Gaining Strength

2006-04-10T04:41:00.000-06:00

April 10Today was a better day but I still am plagued with this awful sore throat. David called around 10:30 as I was getting ready to go to the hospital and asked if I would like to meet him for lunch. It was a nice opportunity to connect with him as well as a bit of a diversion for me. I picked him up at work and we drove over to Tim Hortons for a quick lunch. Mary Wiens called while we

The Journey Continues

2006-04-09T04:36:00.000-06:00

April 8 & 9The last 2 days have been quite the journey. Here is my prayer request posted on the PRAYWAY Internet prayer line on April 9 at 11:40 pm. “In one day from screaming in pain to sleeping peacefully ON HER SORE HIP!!! Even the nurses are amazed. When I left the hospital yesterday it took four big men to gently lift and reposition my wife. And this was not done without excruciating

A Prayer for Marilyn

2006-04-08T04:26:00.000-06:00

Prayer for April 8Dear Jesus thank you for your care yesterday. I can look back and see so many examples of your incredible timing for intervention and relief. Thank you for all the concerns and those who are praying. Today I need your strength again so please hold me up and surround your arms of love around Marilyn. Help her through this day – give her relief from pain – You said that you

A Ray of Hope

2006-04-08T00:32:00.000-06:00

Marilyn just called again sounding even more chipper so I am on my way up. Update to this.I went up to the hospital at 6:30 this evening and when I arrived Stephen and Erin were already there. In the parking lot I met Ardith and Tracy and went up to the room with Tracy and Stephen. I needed them for moral support and it was so good to have them there. Marilyn was co-herant and much more lucid

Questions, Confusion or Spiritual Battles

2006-04-07T04:17:00.000-06:00

April 7 Leaving Marilyn on Thursday night was difficult again because she got so upset every time I went out of the room. She would say don’t leave me or just a minute listen to me. Her mind was drifting in and out of reality. Having Ardith, Stephen and especially Tracey gave me the strength I needed after one of the hardest days I have ever spent. I was able to go home and get a nights sleep

Marilyn's journey through cancer

It's Been A Long Time But Christmas Has Finally Arrived

Vacations are always too short

Fathers Day

Spring is here (I think)

My first day as a Grampa

New Life

It's Been A Long Time

Silence is Golden

Where is your treasure?

Much more to learn

A big thank you

No Regrets

The Hardest Day Of My Life

The final awakening

Time with the family

Another Tribute

Resting in the Love of Jesus

A New Day

Graduation to Glory

Family Meeting

La La Land

Who holds the future?

The Future is with God

My heart cries out

An upward battle

Basking in blessings

Tired but not sleepy

Looking back to the future

A Little Spark

The Battle Continues

Moving Onward and Upward.

A really long weekend

Coasting through the valley

The treatment begins

Finding strength

Life Is A Roller Coaster Ride

Something To Hope For

Good Signs

A Better Day

New Hope and Questions Answered

Questions without answers

Rest doesn't come easy

The Weekend Is For Resting

A Plan for Treatment

The Complete Report

Unexpected News

Back in the Hospital

***PAIN***-Out Of Control

Filling in the Gaps (The year without journals)

It Was A Very Good Year!!

A Huge Accomplishment!!

Early Success!!

Home At Last - Time to Set New Goals

Home Again Home Again Jiggedy Jig!!

Major Celebration - We reached our Goal - We've got a Wedding to Attend!

Looking Forward Is Better Than Looking Back

Home for Father's Day

Nearing the goal

Moving On

It's Not All Roses But I Promise To Stand By You - Good Times or Bad

Progress is beautiful!!

Beating the Clock

Forging Ahead

Turning The Corner

New Surroundings, But Still - The Same Old Feelings

A New Beginning

Another Setback

Progress brings joy!!

Cause For Celebration

Desperate Times Spawn Creative Ideas

Two Steps Forward & Four Steps Back

Setting goals

Tiny steps bring joy!!

Questions without answers

Where would I be without friends?

Prayer that sustains

Little Blessings bring Hope

Waiting Spawns Discouragement

Struggling for mobility

PAIN-Out Of Control